<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>To Be Where I'm Going by DoctorProfessorSong</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28436592">To Be Where I'm Going</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorProfessorSong/pseuds/DoctorProfessorSong'>DoctorProfessorSong</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, F/M, Fix-It, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Happy Ending, Heaven, Heavy Angst, Hell, Kissing, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Purgatory</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:41:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>53,945</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28436592</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorProfessorSong/pseuds/DoctorProfessorSong</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of Chuck's defeat, Team Free Will tries to find a path forward. Dean has one goal. To get Cas back. Sam works to organize the remainder of the hunter network while trying to take care of the brother who has always taken care of him. Jack is discovering he has inherited a mess. Heaven, Hell, Purgatory and The Empty are in chaos, but their respective leaders aren't exactly on the best terms. </p><p>This is a fix-it fic that has taken on a life of its own. The story will include trips to Purgatory and Hell and will feature writer-indulgent cameos from old favorites. I have tagged the ones I know are coming. I will update as I go. </p><p>Mostly canon compliant through 15x19. Finale? Never heard of her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>128</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>146</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>CW: suicidal ideation, grief, depression, alcohol as a coping mechanism, references to character death. I promise this will have a happy ending, but it is pretty angst-heavy on the front end.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Some nights he can barely breathe from the grief. The sobs tear through him in waves while it feels like his chest may rip apart. He gives into it. The consuming hopelessness. He will scream and sob into his pillow until he has nothing left to give. And head pounding, eyes swollen, he will finally rest. But those are not the worst nights. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some days he forgets. He will find himself doing some mundane task and he will realize he forgot to notice the aching hole in his chest where love used to reside. A brief respite from the pain. He will awake, as if from a dream, and a stab of guilt will coarse through him, followed by the fear that he may forget Cas. His face. His smile. He will close his eyes and try to remember. To find his constant companion: the grief that reminds him he was loved. But those are not the worst days. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There are times when he can almost find peace. It taunts him, with the promise of a future where the pain is nearly tolerable. He will see something beautiful or funny and think: </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cas would love that. </span>
  </em>
  <span>And instead of a stab of pain, he will feel a twinge of bittersweet affection in the place where his heart once lived. And if he closes his eyes, he can almost feel Cas standing beside him. Those are not the worst times. In fact, they may be the best. The happiest he is these days. The times where he can almost accept that the price of the love he felt is the pain he feels now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then there are the moments of rage. Nobody prepares you for the anger. The anger isn't socially acceptable. Not fit for public consumption. Grieving is supposed to be hushed voices and quiet platitudes. Maybe fresh hot tears. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How could you leave me like that? We were supposed to have more time. Life was supposed to be different. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sometimes he just screams at whoever may be listening out there: </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He wants to throw things. He wants to break things. To make things on the outside look like he feels on the inside. Irretrievably broken. And he knows he shouldn't be angry at the women talking about their favorite show in line at the Gas-N-Sip. He wants to scream. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How can you talk about something so stupid when the world is broken? When my world is gone? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He definitely shouldn't hate the couple holding hands and stealing kisses on the sidewalk in front of him. Shouldn't feel that spike of white hot rage tear through him. Part of him wants to give into it. It's easier to be mad than to feel the overwhelming flood of sadness that threatens to pull him under, but his better judgment always prevails. Breaking things won't fix him. Hurting people won't stop his pain. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Besides, it's not who you are. Not really. </span>
  </em>
  <span>A voice inside his head says. A sacred, beautiful voice. But those are not the worst moments either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bad memories are almost the worst of it. In the dark of night he relives it all. Regret weighing him down, his limbs heavy and his heart a block of ice. He tries to rewrite it in his head. To solve the puzzle. If he can just figure out how he could have saved Cas. Because he knows. Deep in his heart, he knows he failed him. And he knows it doesn't matter. Even if he solves the puzzle, he can't fix it. He can't put the pieces back together. But he can't stop. Won't stop. He relives it over and over. The moment he knew that he had lost everything. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I was such an idiot. I wasted so much time and then you were gone. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sometimes he dreams of it. He sees Cas's face, hears him say "I love you" and he wants to reach out, but he is too late. Always too late. He wonders why he bothers to keep going. What the point of it all could possibly be. But he knows Cas would want him to keep fighting. And besides, wherever he goes when he dies, Cas won't be there. He is in The Empty. Gone forever. There is no happy ending. Not for Dean. And those memories are almost, but not quite, the worst of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's the happy dreams that cut him deepest. When his traitorous mind forgets what they have lost. When the phantom of his broken heart is reawakened, a vengeful spirit set on Dean's destruction. They are memories of being side by side in Baby while a song he loves plays on the radio. Memories of stolen glances and not-so-casual touches made precious by the knowledge that Cas loved him too. And sometimes they are dreams of the life he could have had if he hadn't been so terrified. He dreams of holding hands and stolen kisses and a shared life together. And for a moment after he wakes, he forgets. He forgets that there is no joy in his world. Not anymore. He reaches out for warmth that isn't there. Was never there thanks to his cowardice. And his fingers instead find a cold and empty bed. And that is when he remembers. And he loses Cas all over again. The dreams fading away. He tries to grasp at them. To hold them close. But it is like trying to hold sand and it slips through his fingers every time, leaving behind only grit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It is those nights that he knows he will never find peace. On those nights he sits up and pours himself a drink. And then another. He tries to outrun the grief. To soften the edges of his memories. Some part of him knows it will destroy his body. If the monsters don't get him, the alcohol will. Eventually. He can't bring himself to care. Not when he faces down what could have been. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*******</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were sitting on Baby, side-by-side, looking at the stars. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean grabbed a couple of beers from the cooler next to him. He popped the tops and handed one to Cas. Their hands brushed and Dean forced his face to remain blank. Years of practice had allowed him to perfect his poker face. Most of the time </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"See, this is what it's all about. The open road, a couple of beers, and the sky on a night like tonight. I tell ya, Cas, it's a beautiful thing." Dean said, looking up. Looking away from Cas before he said something else. Something that wanted to bubble up from the surface.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It is." Cas agreed. His voice was quiet. Reverent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked at him and swallowed. It felt like he was forgetting something. Something important. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You aren't even looking at the sky." Dean said quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I've seen it. I have watched as stars were created and I have watched them burn out." Cas said. He looked like he wanted to say something else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas put his hand down next to Dean's on the front of the car. Dean could feel the heat of his skin. He closed his eyes and imagined taking that hand in his own. </span>
  <em>
    <span>If only he loved me. If only I was worthy. But he has been around since the dawn of time. What would he want with me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The words floated through his brain and he opened his eyes. How could he forget? He looked at Cas who was staring at him. His eyes reflected the same longing Dean felt. He leaned forward, heart beating out of his chest. He raised his hand and touched Cas's cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Cas," Dean said, "I love you, too. Surely you know that. How could you not know that?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked at him, tears in his eyes. He leaned forward and kissed Dean. Tentatively. Like he didn’t believe it was real. Dean leaned closer, parting his lips, drawing Cas in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas pulled back and said "Dean, I . . . "</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And suddenly Dean was alone in the bed. His hands outstretched to nothing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cas? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He thought, shaking off his confusion. And then he remembered. The sharp pain of loss tore through his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat up. He didn't even bother with a glass. He grabbed a bottle from the kitchen and sat against the wall. The liquor burned. It felt good. It reminded him he was alive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Miracle whined and laid his head in Dean's lap. Dean scratched his ears absentmindedly as he tried to drink away the pain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Somewhere and nowhere, Cas felt like he was wading through sludge. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dean, I love you. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dean, I love you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The taste of beer and the tingle of his lips where they had met Dean's faded. Cas stirred. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE. I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>DEAN. I HAVE TO GET TO DEAN. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn't know if he said it out loud. Didn't know if anyone could hear him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Empty screamed in frustration. A high, angry noise that made all of the inhabitants clutch at their ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sleeping beings were waking up. Again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"WHY WON'T YOU STAY ASLEEP" they yelled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They pushed the beings' consciousness down again. Ever since the explosion. So much work. They were so tired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was coming faster now. Their sleep was being disturbed on shorter and shorter intervals.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For now, it was quiet again. The Empty could sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somewhere and nowhere, Cas felt himself fade away. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dean. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He whispered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He's getting worse." Sam signed to Eileen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded sympathetically. "I'll go get coffee." She signed back, grabbing her keys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean was passed out on the kitchen floor. Miracle was curled up next to him. He looked up at Sam and wagged his tail twice in acknowledgement.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam sighed. He debated waking Dean up vs. bringing a pillow and blanket from the supply closet to try to make him more comfortable. Sam would have bet money that it had been a late night. Most of them were lately. If he woke Dean, he would make a joke. He would try to pretend he was okay and Sam would let him. He always did these days. He opted to bring a pillow and blanket to Dean, to make him as comfortable as possible. He would be sore, but at least he would get some rest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam frowned at Dean a moment longer, wondering if there was anything else he could do. Something had happened to Dean that day. The day Cas had sacrificed himself. Dean would only say that he died to save him. But Sam knew there was more to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His phone buzzed. It was Charlie. Sam stepped into the hallway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, Charlie." Sam said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Good, I caught you." Charlie said. "Stevie and I are running down something weird."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Let me get to my laptop." Sam replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been 6 months since Jack had taken over. Despite his promise to be hands off, Jack was the kid of three hunters. He was a hunter himself. He wasn't going to let monsters continue to run unchecked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can't just let vampires break into homes and kill parents in front of their kids." Jack had explained. He couldn’t undo their monster status. That was for Eve. She had changed them. They were her children, not his. So he opted, instead, to take away their hunger on Earth and their dependence on humans to survive. Most monsters, removed from their need to feed, had stopped attacking humans. Most, but not all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As with humans, some monsters enjoyed the hunt for the hunt's sake. There weren't many. Certainly not enough to keep Dean busy. Sam pushed the thought away. It wasn't right to wish for more terrible things just to keep his brother occupied. Besides, he was too distracted. He was bound to get himself killed on a hunt. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He might even prefer it</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Sam thought miserably. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam had set up a network, assigning each hunter a different territory. He allocated cases based on location and each hunter did their own supplemental research.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How is he?" Charlie asked while Sam walked down the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"About the same." Sam lied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That bad?" Charlie asked sympathetically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah. Maybe you can try to come by soon?" Sam asked hopefully. "I think he is sick of me and Eileen. Not much to do these days. I was trying to get him to consider a normal gig, but . . . . Anyway, he doesn't get out much."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure." Charlie said. "You know . . . ." She paused. Sam waited her out. "When I lost Kara, I wasn't sure I would ever recover. It just took time. It doesn't stop hurting, but eventually you figure out how to live with the pain."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Kara? That was your partner." Sam said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes." said Charlie. Her tone implied Sam was missing something obvious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh. So you think . . . ." Sam trailed off. "Huh. I mean, I would have had to be blind to miss the way they looked at each other, but I sort of assumed, after all this time, that they were never going to actually figure it out. I mean, you know Dean."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Give him time, Sam. I will visit as soon as I can." Charlie said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure." Sam said thoughtfully. "Now tell me about this case."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*************</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean found Sam in the library. It was almost noon. Sam schooled his features, ignoring the smell of old booze and the bloodshot eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, man." Sam said neutrally. Miracle plodded up for some ear scratches. Sam took a small measure of comfort in the gesture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I must have been fighting monsters in my sleep again, eh Sammy?" Dean said with false cheeriness neither of them felt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam felt a wave of nausea, but he smiled and gave a polite chuckle. "I talked to Charlie today. She and Stevie are tracking Amazons." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No way." said Dean. "They need help?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam shook his head. "No, I think they have it, actually. She is going to update us tonight." Dean nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think she may come for a visit soon." Sam dropped in as nonchalantly as he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean narrowed his eyes. "I always love a visit from Charlie, but why do I suspect an ulterior motive here?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam raised his hands in surrender. "No ulterior motive, Dean. I promise."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I am gonna go do more research on Cas." Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Speaking of Cas . . .  Look, Dean, I know you haven't told me everything . . . And that's fine. I just want you to know . . . ." Sam started. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't." Dean said gruffly, standing up and walking towards the door. "Please. Just don't." Dean said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam watched him walk away. He thought he had seen a sheen in Dean's eyes. His heart lurched. "that I love and support you. That I am here." He finished quietly to the deserted room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, Jack." Sam prayed. "I know you are busy rebuilding heaven and you want to be hands off, but we could really use your help. Dean . . . he's really hurting. If there is any way to get Cas back . . . . please." Sam sighed. "um, Amen."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For the 100th time in the day (hour?) Jack wanted to go down to earth and throttle Chuck. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My brother really left a mess, didn't he? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amara said in Jack's head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He's human now. You could make his life miserable. He would deserve it after what he did to you and your family. And me. And, well, everyone.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That would be petty. I am supposed to be above all that. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jack responded. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Well, maybe just a little. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>On Earth, Chuck tripped over a curb and dropped the coffee that he had purchased "as a treat" after finishing his latest draft. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amara snorted in his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack sighed. He needed to be better than this. He knew that. But he couldn’t entirely suppress the small bit of satisfaction he felt. </span>
  <em>
    <span>We have to be better than this. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amara agreed. But he could feel her amusement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he had first absorbed Chuck's power, Jack had seen everything. Known everything. He was confident that he could step in and make a few adjustments. But it hadn’t taken long to figure out that the universe was a mess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As far as either of them could tell, Chuck's big master plan had been: </span>
</p><p> </p>
<ol>
<li><span>create a bunch of beings he didn't understand</span></li>
<li><span>give them free will</span></li>
<li><span>get mad about what they were doing with it</span></li>
<li><span>manipulate them for his own amusement</span></li>
<li><span>??????</span></li>
</ol><p> </p><p>
  <span>The most pressing example on his plate was heaven. The ultimate reward. A place of peace when your journey was through. A promise to the devout. To the loyal. To those who loved and served others </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except Chuck hadn't known or cared how to deliver on that promise. Humans were complicated. Most of them weren't content to sit quietly in perpetuity. They needed connection. They needed each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack understood that. He thought about his family with a twinge of regret.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When giving them peaceful settings to wander alone didn't work, Chuck had just forced them to relive their good memories over and over. And when they began to get sick of those, he sped up time. But forever is a long time to relive one life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blamed Chuck for leaving, but some part of him got it. If he was totally honest, the urge to flee from this monumental task was hard to ignore. And then there were the prayers. Heaven was full of existential screaming. People begging and praying to be let out. Jack could barely stand it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On top of that were all the prayers pouring in from Earth. Part of him wanted to go down to Earth and just start answering prayers. Big prayers, little prayers. He knew that wouldn’t end well, but his heart ached.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then there were the prayers from Dean and Sam. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cas. Please save Cas.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He felt the prayers deeply. HE wanted Cas back too. But he couldn’t exactly run over and ask The Empty, could he? He could feel their anger and rage from Heaven. They hadn't exactly liked his little stunt with the bomb. If he asked them for a favor now, they were just as likely to use it against Jack. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Do you feel that? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amara broke into his thoughts. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Over there.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He followed her down a mental pathway to a portion of heaven. He listened. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I don't hear anything. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Exactly. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amara said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No screaming. No begging. When was the last time you felt a part of Heaven that was quiet?</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Donna, Jody and the girls visit. Dean continues to dream about Cas. The Empty struggles to regain control of their realm. Jack meets some old friends of the Winchesters'. </p><p>Really just a shameless excuse for the author to bring back a bunch of comfort characters.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: mentions of character deaths</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The bunker was alive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"An actual vacation?" Sam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No monsters. No cover stories. No blood or crawling through abandoned buildings! I don't think I have been this excited for years." Donna laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll drink to that." said Jody. "You need to think about one yourself. There hasn't been a monster sighted in weeks. When was the last time you got a call?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Charlie. About a month ago." Sam affirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam, Eileen, Jody, Donna, Alex and Kaia were spread out around the table. Claire stood behind Kaia, hand casually on her shoulder. Miracle was hiding under the table by Sam's feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was good to see them. They were happy. Relaxed. It was everything they had fought for, he supposed. A normal life. He tried to imagine a vacation. Maybe a beach somewhere. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cas would have . . . . </span>
  </em>
  <span>He felt a lump in the back of his throat. He couldn’t finish the thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So, how is school?" Eileen asked Jody.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She beamed. "Great. Now that I don’t need to keep my law enforcement contacts, I can follow my passion for social work."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If she can avoid adopting every traumatized young girl she comes across." Claire teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, I turned out pretty awesome. One for two isn't bad." Alex joked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Claire rolled her eyes and made a face. Alex laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean felt a tug of warmth. He looked at Sam and appreciated, not for the first time, how lucky he was to have him. Sam looked up over his shoulder at Dean. Dean mouthed "bitch." Sam mouthed "jerk" back at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stupid chicken flick moments. He snuck away to get a beer and to gather himself. He could hear happy voices and laughter. They made him feel alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a beer out of the fridge and took a swig. He tried very hard not to imagine what this would all be like if Cas was here. His arm casually slung around Cas's shoulders the way Sam had his around Eileen's. Planning a vacation. Planning a future. He failed. Tears pricked the back of his eyes. He laid his head on the cool of the fridge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I miss him too." Claire said behind him. "Our relationship was complicated, but . . . ." She trailed off. Dean turned to look at her. "We will get him back. I know I am supposed to say some trite thing about moving on. About how he would want you to be happy and blah blah blah. But fuck that. I thought I had lost Kaia and I wasn't interested in acceptance. I wanted her back. And somehow, I got her back. So, we will get him back. I will help. Anything you need."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Come here, kid." Dean forced out. He wrapped her in his arms and kissed the top of her head. He closed his eyes. "Thank you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And just like that, he wasn’t alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt the warmth of Cas's body against his. Their legs were interlocked. Their hands clasped together as if in prayer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mmmmm" Dean moaned. Eyes still closed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean." Cas said again. "It's important."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean's eyes fluttered open. They were in a generic motel room. Dean tried and failed to remember exactly where. Some random motel along a random stretch of highway. It didn't matter. Because Cas was here. In his bed. Against his body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Cas?" Dean asked tentatively. "I think I was having a nightmare." His brain reached to make a connection. It came up empty. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Empty. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He just had a vague sense of unease. An echo of sadness. "I think I lost something."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's okay." said Cas. "Just . . . Just listen, okay."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean registered the concern in Cas's voice. He looked into his eyes. His beautiful blue eyes. "Sure, Cas, of course. What's wrong?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I need you to know this is real. We are real. I need you to know I can hear you sometimes. I love you. Dean, I love you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean's heart soared. "Hey, Angel. It's okay. I know. I love you too." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas swallowed sadly. "Kiss me? Before you are gone again? Please. The bad memories are coming. Kiss me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something sinister tickled at Dean's mind, but he pushed it aside. He couldn't deny Cas this request. Never again. He raised his hand and stroked Cas's cheek reverently. As if to memorize the feel of his face. Then he leaned forward and he kissed Cas. Slowly. Tongue darting in and out. Cas moaned. Dean felt wetness on his hand. A tear. He kissed Cas deeper. Trying to chase away the pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Cas was gone. Dean's fingers found an empty pillow. His heart lurched in pain. And something even worse. A small glimmer of . . .  hope? Hope. Traitorous bitch. Always setting him up for more pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I need you to know this is real. We are real. I need you to know I can hear you sometimes.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>What if it was true? He fell to his knees on the side of the bed and began to pray.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! WHY WON'T YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP?" The Empty yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The beings were waking up in waves now. As soon as The Empty would smooth down one ripple, another would rise up and take its place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somewhere and nowhere, Cas smiled quietly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jack found himself in a bar. It was a classic roadhouse, with pool tables and a big wooden bar. The place was packed with gruff looking people. They were laughing and talking.  It was loud and raucous, yet there were no pleas. No prayers. It was as quiet as Jack had found in all of heaven.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He saw a familiar face at a table. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bobby? </span>
  </em>
  <span>It clicked. The other Bobby. The one who had acted as a father to Dean and Sam. He sat with his arm slung around a pretty blonde woman. On the other side of the table a black man was telling a story. He poured a shot of Johnnie Walker Blue and waved the bottle in emphasis. They all laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I wondered when you would get here." A man said behind him. He wore a sleeveless shirt and his mullet fell halfway down his back. He grinned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack smiled uncertainly. "Hi! I'm . . . ." He faltered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Who are we? God? Jack and Amara? Jamara?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt Amara's amusement again. Before she could answer, the man said: "I know who you are. I have been keeping track." He gestured to a laptop on the corner of the bar. "I'm Ash. Have a seat."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*******</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas's eyes fluttered open. It was dark. An inky blackness stretched out in every direction. In his head, angel radio was going crazy. Voices from the past were fluctuating in and out. Voices of long-ago fallen brothers and sisters. And some more recent ones.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In front of him, a familiar face twisted in rage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I will assume you are not Meg." He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Good guess." They said angrily. "Your son DID SOMETHING. He showed up with a bomb and exploded. Then he just left. He woke everyone up and then he left. They won't stay asleep now."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas felt a small sense of satisfaction. A thrill at knowing that Jack had gotten to The Empty. Then a stab of worry. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jack. Are you okay? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"You are coming with me. Now that he is God, he is going to fix it. You are going to make him fix it." They said through clenched teeth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas stared at The Empty. </span>
  <em>
    <span>God?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jack took a sip of the beer. It was cold, crisp, and mild. He looked at Ash expectantly. He had about a million questions, but he had learned that sometimes it was better to let the other person go first. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You know, she didn't think I should even try to talk to you." He angled his head at a pretty woman with brown hair and a no-nonsense expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, the last guy set up a pretty terrible system. Do you know how long it took us to get here?" she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A younger blonde woman seated next to her put her arm on the first woman. "Mom, we agreed. I trust Dean and Sam. If they raised him, he will be reasonable." She smiled at Jack. "I'm Jo. This is my Mom, Ellen."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack smiled and raised his hand in greeting. "You can call me Jack. Maybe start at the beginning?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This system sucks." Ellen said frankly. She raised her hands in surrender. "Let me give you an example. Jo and I were killed helping Sam and Dean try to kill Lucifer."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack sucked in a breath at that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jo was attacked by hellhounds. She died in my arms. I drew the hellhounds in and blew them straight back to Hell."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I like this one. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amara said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry." Jack said. It seemed like the thing to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellen waved her hand at that. "It's a risk of the job. We knew what we were getting into. That isn't the point. The point is that the reapers assumed the hellhounds would drag us to hell. It didn't matter that we didn't belong there. If you get killed by a hellhound, you go to hell. So, we were stuck and we couldn't even communicate."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo squeezed her mom's arm. "Mom had to track down a hunter and my ghost and then we had to summon a reaper."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then we get here and I am stuck reliving a life I barely remember. I still wasn't with my daughter. Until Ash found us." She spared a smile for Ash.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I found a backdoor. A way to combine individual heavens. I broke down the walls. And do you know what happened? Each time I broke down a wall?" He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What?" Jack replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Every single person asked me to connect them to someone else. Humans need each other. Heaven isn't Heaven without each other. That's the promise. That we will see each other again. That we will get more time. That's what everyone in this room has. What everyone in this sector of Heaven has." Ash finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was quiet for a moment. "Okay."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Huh?" Ash said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay. I have broken down the walls. Everyone can now make themselves available. And anyone who does that is searchable."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Throughout the bar, there were dings. People were suddenly holding devices that looked like cell phones. Some of them were frantically stabbing buttons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash stared at the phone in his own hand and then at Jack. "It's that easy?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack shrugged. "For now. I also slowed down time. No reason to have a constant influx of souls. Generations stacking up within hours. We will probably have to tweak the system, but there is no reason to isolate everyone. Team Free Will."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash blinked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Behind him, the front door slammed open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo jumped up. "YOU!" She reached for a weapon out of habit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack turned. Standing in the door, face a mask of pure anger, stood The Empty. Next to them stood an angel in a trenchcoat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo charged at her, but Jack held up a hand to stop her. She froze, unable to move. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We need to talk." The Empty said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Never taking his eyes off the two newcomers, Jack said: "Thank you for the hospitality. I am afraid I have other business to attend to." And with that, he snapped his fingers and The Empty, Cas and Jack stood back in his office. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In Harvelle's Roadhouse, Jo found herself again able to move. She stared at the spot where the three of them stood only moments before. "What the fuck?" She yelled. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Let's pretend I intentionally threw Meg and Jo together because I honestly had completely forgotten their history until halfway through the chapter and it ended up working really well. Poor Jo is just minding her own business when the person who killed her strolls into her bar. </p><p>I completely made up the Ellen/Jo reaper thing to explain why Ash couldn't find them. Does it work with the lore? I am honestly not sure. I feel like the hellhound mythology is a bit fuzzy. Hopefully it works for you. </p><p>I also really enjoyed writing the Claire interaction with Dean. I love them together and I feel like Claire would 100% be all about not giving up and getting Cas back. </p><p>Leave a comment! I love feedback</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jack's decision to open up heaven has some unintended consequences. He is also beginning to realize that a few tweaks aren't going to fix the system.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: references to bigotry</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"Hey, Angel. Don't know if you are getting this where you are." Dean said. He was alone in the garage. Working on Baby. "It's been . . . well, it doesn't matter. I miss you is all."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had become a ritual. He talked to Cas all the time. Told him about his day. Kept him updated on Sammy and everyone else. He didn't know if Cas could hear him, but he figured it was worth a try.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm working on Baby right now. She's still as beautiful as ever. Maybe when you get back, we'll go on a road trip. Somewhere warm." He smiled, picturing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We can bring Miracle along. You'll love him. He's a good boy. Aren't you buddy?" He directed the last bit to the pup, who was spread out on his side, watching Dean. Miracle wagged his tail.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I talked to Jody earlier." He smiled. "Claire and Kaia have opened up a martial arts studio. Claire also teaches self defense for free at the homeless shelter. And Alex is doing well. Still doing the nurse thing. They are good kids. We will have to get together with them when you get home." He sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Anyway, I just wanted to say hello. In case you can hear me. And I love you. And I need you." He fought to keep his voice light. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay then. Amen." He finished. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The angel Indra, burst into the office and stopped dead in their tracks. "Um, Lord and Master of All, I am sorry to interrupt." they said bowing low.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Just . . . what do you need?" Jack asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We have some problems, Ruler of All Things. Apparently the walls are down and the humans have found each other." they said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, I did that." Jack said.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Do you notice how quiet it has gotten? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amara noted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack stopped. The Empty had distracted him, but the noise had quieted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You're right. I can finally hear myself think.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes." The angel faltered. "It's just . . . I know you are infallible and most wise. But there have been some complaints. The fault is assuredly with the humans. Um . . . some people are saying they don't want to be contacted by certain people but they want the option to connect with others."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack sighed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I should have anticipated that. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt Amara shrug. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Me too, I guess. I would have blocked my brother if I could have.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and waved a hand. "First of all, just call me Jack. Okay? I have told you several times to just call me Jack."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indra nodded enthusiastically. "Of course, mighty . . . Jack." They smiled awkwardly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indra had been disfavored, even among the few remaining angels. They had been assigned low level tasks like guarding the portal. Serving Jack had afforded them substantially more respect and, as a result, they had a tendency to be somewhat obsequious. Still, Jack liked them, when they let themselves relax. He thought he had made progress with them, but the presence of additional people had apparently thrown them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay." Jack said. "Well, that's easy enough, isn’t it?" He concentrated for a moment. "Everyone just got the ability to block people. Problem solved."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They nodded, looking immensely uncomfortable. "And some people are, um, upset about their neighbors."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What do you mean?" Jack asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Empty had stretched out on a chair, clearly amused by the airing of dirty laundry. All they needed was popcorn. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Guess it's more entertaining when the problem isn't with your realm. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amara noted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas stood against the wall. He was quiet. Stoic. His eyes were unfocused. Something played across his face. A small smile that didn't reach his sad eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack wanted to wrap him in a hug, but he held it together. He didn't dare reveal how happy he was to see Cas. Didn't dare give The Empty that leverage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indra looked down miserably. "Well, you have to understand. Chuck didn't really leave us many instructions."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shocking. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amara quipped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack suppressed a snort of amusement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He just told us to let the good humans into Heaven and send the bad ones to Hell. Monsters go to Purgatory. And angels, demons and deities go to The Empty." They nodded slightly at The Empty.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>More like anyone with enough power to cause trouble. He locked away anyone who was a threat. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amara noted. She was right again, Jack suspected. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But we didn't really have any instructions beyond that. We worked some stuff out with Hell. Certain souls Hell had a claim on."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack thought of Ellen and Jo. Nearly pulled into hell for the sin of being murdered by a hellhound. He felt a cold rage at Chuck. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He couldn’t even be bothered to come up with a system. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He raged at Amara. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He just left it to the angels.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Indra continued. "We had some guidance. Like the Bible. But it was all a bit unclear. What if you had a good man who ate pork and shrimp? Is murder worse than masturbation? There wasn't exactly clear guidance. Tallying up sins meant we didn't get enough souls. And then there is the gay thing."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What gay thing?" Cas said through gritted teeth, fury evident in his voice. Jack looked at him with surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indra jumped and turned towards Cas. "Castiel! I didn't see you there, brother. Um, you look well."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas glared at the angel who stared at the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Go on. Have we been sending people to Hell for being gay?" said Jack, heat coloring his own words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No." They said quickly. "No, nobody was rejected for being gay. God, er, Chuck, was pansexual. It's just some people were led to believe it was a deal killer, Heaven-wise. Something about a translation issue. Same with certain religions. There are people who feel betrayed by that. Anyway, the end result is that some people feel like some of their neighbors don't belong here."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded quietly. "For now, people can block others, so let them handle it among themselves. But the official Word of God is to tell people that they are not the judge of souls, and they had better not start second guessing everything or they may find themselves with a new address." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at Cas who nodded his approval.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then there are the Sleepers." The angel was hesitant. They clearly wanted to be anywhere else. "Holy one, they do not appreciate this gift they have been given. They say they are tired. After centuries, they ask to rest."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Empty sat up, suddenly interested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack held out a hand. "So we have souls that don't belong here. Souls that don't belong in Hell. Souls that yearn for The Empty. And then whatever is happening down in Purgatory."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My brother really was incompetent. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amara said.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Your brother believed beings fell into clear and easily definable categories. That they were monsters or men. That they would fulfill one purpose alone. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He looked at Cas thoughtfully. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But his creations didn't play along, did they? And he called that a flaw. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Something clicked. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He didn't understand the nature of his creations at all. Didn't understand that no sentient being can be distilled down to one purpose.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So what do we do? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amara asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We fix it. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jack thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amara asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don't know. And, honestly, I am a little worried about messing it up. Earlier was a mistake. I didn't think through the consequences of dropping the walls. I don't think we CAN fix this alone. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jack thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked around the room. Something else occurred to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Amara, I think you should consider that Chuck was wrong about you too. You aren't Darkness to his Light any more than any of these other beings fit within their tidy boxes. If men can be monsters and angels can love as humans and demons can do good, if we are truly going to accept free will, you shouldn't be a part of me. He was wrong about everyone else. I think he was wrong about you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She was quiet for a moment, considering his words. Inside his head he heard a small, uncertain voice. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ok.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn't actually sure how he did it, but he released her. It was like letting go of someone's hand. Black smoke flew out of his mouth. It formed into a familiar form. Amara smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone stared. "Everyone, if you haven't met her, this is Amara. Chuck's sister. She is going to help us set things right."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt good, he realized, to be alone again. A plan began to form in his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A minor nudge here and there wasn't going to fix this. "We need to rework the entire system." He said to The Empty. "I think we can get you back to sleep with a realm full of beings. But I am going to need to borrow him." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas grinned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You sure you have it all?" Jack asked one last time. He and Cas were alone. The Empty had gone back to their realm. Amara was touring Heaven with Indra, trying to anticipate additional problems. It was just the two of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Most of Cas's grace sat in a jar on Jack's desk. The glow was undeniably beautiful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes. I understand."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Take care of each other. He's . . . ." Jack hesitated. "I think he is really hurting. Sam prays to me every day. Dean's not good."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know." Cas said. "I can feel him still. Even with my depleted grace."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded. Then he threw his arms around Cas. Was it dignified for a deity to cry when he hugged his Dad? Probably not. But Jack couldn't help it. "I missed you. I wish we had more time." He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas squeezed him back. "Me too, kiddo. I am so proud of you." He put his hands on his shoulders and looked at Jack in the eye. "Your mother believed you would create a new world. A better one. She believed in you and so do I." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack felt a surge of pride. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tilted his head. "Have you gone to see her?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack looked away. "No. Not yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You should. She will be proud of you." Cas assured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded and smiled. "I will. Eventually." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas released him. "Think about it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I will. I promise. Be careful, okay? The trip will make you human. Vulnerable."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know." Cas affirmed. "But it is necessary for the plan."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded. "Ready?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas nodded in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack patted Cas on the back. "Let's get you home."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I admit that I struggled with this chapter. It's so much dialogue and exposition, but I needed to set up the rest of the story. Hopefully it still worked. If not, the next chapter will be extremely cathartic and the one after will be fun. </p><p>I will say I love the way free will and not conforming to the purpose for which Chuck designed them plays into this chapter. It was such a great theme of the show and I really wish they had incorporated it into the ending. There is something beautiful about saying: you are more than your utility. You are not defined by others. </p><p>I admit I will miss the internal dialogue from a writing perspective. Sarcastic internal Amara has been fun. But she didn't deserve to be bottled up again. Plus, with Chuck as destroyer of all things, I just can't believe that his take on his sister was accurate. Another dropped thread that I hate. </p><p>Cas was listening to a prayer from Dean when Jack noticed him zoning out, if you were wondering.</p><p>Also, Indra was a minor angel on the show (the depressed angel watching the portal), but one of the few who MAY be alive. They really didn't fare well, did they?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean and Cas are reunited. 💙💚</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: references to character death, references to suicidal ideation</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dean fought through the panic. He sat in the dungeon in the same place that he had fallen when he watched Cas taken away by The Empty. He was reliving the moment that he lost the man he loved. Remembering the words Cas had said. Dean closed his eyes. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Goodbye Dean.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He clutched the jacket he had worn that night, staring at the handprint and wondering what he could have done differently. His chest physically ached thinking about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been a year. How had it been a year? It felt like a minute and a decade all at once. He took a shaky breath. Later he planned to get blackout drunk. He had agreed to let Eileen and Sam feed him and then he had kicked them out of the bunker. He hadn’t even tasted the food. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Please." He had begged Sam. "Please. I need to be alone." Sam had agreed as long as Dean promised not to do anything to hurt himself, or to summon any dangerous creatures, or make any deals with demons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was unfair to kick them out. They lost Cas too. But part of him felt a bitterness when they were around that he just couldn't shake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was true that Sam had lost Eileen, but Jack brought her back. He didn't know what Dean was going through. Not really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had each other. They had moved on. And here he was in the same place. Literally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been months since the last monster attack. Sam had obtained a remote legal research position (with some creative writing as his resume). He loved it, even though Dean couldn't imagine anything more boring. Eileen was working as a translator. They had gently encouraged Dean to find something too. He agreed to work on the cars in the garage. It wasn’t a job, but it got him out of bed. It was enough. Sometimes, after the dreams, he even headed to the garage instead of falling into a bottle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He suspected that Sam and Eileen wanted to move somewhere with natural light. Somewhere that didn't have powdered unicorn hooves and mermaid scales in the basement. But they didn't push. Dean couldn’t bring himself to leave. It was stupid, but that tiny seed of hope kept him rooted in place. </span>
  <em>
    <span>If Cas comes back, he has to know where to find me. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He knew it was irrational, but he couldn’t shake it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Sam had packed up Eileen and Miracle ("I don't want him to see me like this.") and headed on a camping trip. He had hugged Dean tightly. "I love you, man. You know that right?" Sam had asked. Dean had nodded and clapped him on the back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He closed his eyes, tears already slipping through. "Cas," he started. His voice broke. He took a breath and tried again. "Cas, it's been a year. A year without you. I . . . ." He tried to think of something funny to say. Or something profound. He gave up. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I miss you so much. I love you so so much. Get your ass back down here so I can tell you that in person. Please, Cas. Come home to me." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held his breath. He always held his breath. But he was only ever met with silence. Still, hope digs in and it doesn't let you go. So he held his breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hello Dean."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean's eyes flew open. Cas knelt in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Cas?" It came out as a mixture of a whisper and a sob.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's me, Dean." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean swallowed. His heart broke open. Joy and love and a year of longing threatened to consume him. He felt like there was a fire burning inside of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reached out and touched Cas's face. A sob tore through him. He scrambled onto his knees and pulled Cas into a hug. He couldn’t stop the tears. Cas was shaking in his arms, sobs wracking his body as well. They stayed in that position for awhile. Just holding each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean pulled back to look at him. "Cas. I love you. I love you so much. I am sorry I couldn't say it before. I . . ."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas put his hand on Dean's face. "I know. Dean, I know. I could hear you. Even in The Empty. I told you it was . . . ." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean kissed him. Desperately. He felt Cas's arm move around his waist pulling him closer, his other hand on Dean's shoulder where he had once seared his mark into Dean's skin. Dean wrapped his hand around Cas's head and deepened the kiss. Cas moaned. The sound sent a shiver through Dean's body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They came up for air. Dean pressed his forehead against Cas's. "How?" he whispered. Some part of him was too scared to say it loudly. Like a big bad might overhear and undo it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's a long story, and one that should probably wait for Sam. The short story is that there is a deal between Jack and The Empty and we have some work to do, but we have time."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ok." Dean said. "Whatever it takes. As long as I have you." A sudden fear pierced his heart. "I have you, right? You don't have to go back?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled at him through the tears. "You have me. I am not going anywhere. An army of demons couldn’t tear me away."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean leaned back onto his heels and looked into Cas's eyes. "Cas, I know it's you, but I should probably . . . ."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I know. We should get off this floor anyway." Cas affirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They went through the hunter ritual. The silver, the salt and the holy water. They had done it so many times. But the ritual felt different. Like a sacrament. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean poured salt into holy water that they kept in the kitchen for emergencies. Cas drank it, never losing eye contact. Dean kissed him, tasting the saltwater on his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Next Dean pulled out a silver dagger. He took Cas’s hand and cut him on the arm. Just a small slice. Blood bubbled up, but nothing else happened. Dean wrapped his arm gently and kissed his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With each test, something unclinched in Dean's heart just a little more. After a year of grief, he hadn’t even noticed the pressure anymore in his chest until it started to lessen. It was like he could breathe again. Like he hadn’t taken a full breath in a year.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean kissed Cas again. "Cas. My Cas. You came home." He whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Say it again, Dean." Cas said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I love you, Cas." He said reverently. “I have loved you for so long. I am sorry I didn’t say it sooner. I didn’t think you loved me back. Not like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, I think I have always loved you.” Cas said. “From the moment I saw your soul when I pulled you out of Hell. All I know for sure is that I didn't even know love until you showed me how. I didn't think I could ever have this. Us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sucked in a breath. He took Cas’s hand and let him down the hall to his room, their fingers intertwined, to show him all the things he had been unable to say over the years. To show him exactly how much he was loved</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean woke with a start. He reached out in a panic and found Cas. Felt warm skin against his own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas stirred. "Everything okay?" He asked tiredly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mmm." said Dean. "Just a dream." He kissed Cas and pulled him closer. He was smiling softly as he drifted away listening to the sound of Cas's rhythmic breathing.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Phew. This was obviously a short but very emotional chapter. I thought about combining it with the next one but wanted it to stand alone.</p><p>Expect another update tomorrowish and then I have two mega chapters drafted. They may take a few days to edit but I am excited about them. I managed to make things even more complicated.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sam and Eileen return to the bunker ready to scrape Dean off the floor, but instead find domestic fluff and bacon. Jack’s plan is revealed.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: Just some brotherly angst and worry from Sam before he is reunited with Dean and some references to a canon death. Well and canon-typical blasphemy, but that is basically every Supernatural story, I suppose.  This is a fairly light chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sam checked his watch again. It was 5:38 in the morning. He reached down to pet Miracle, who was snuggled up against his hip. On his other side, Eileen sat up and looked at him sympathetically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sam, if you want, we can get up and head home."  She said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and signed an apology. They sat up and began to pack up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm just worried about him." he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know. Me too." she replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every bone in his body had wanted to say no when Dean asked him for space last night. He saw the way his brother walked around, eyes empty of joy. Dean tried to hide it. Maybe it would have worked on someone else. But they had been through so much. He knew better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had settled for placing a protection spell on the bunker and on Dean himself. It wasn’t much, but at least he felt like he was doing something.  The truth was that Dean hadn't asked for anything in a year. Not one thing. So Sam had packed up for the night, fighting every instinct he had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His stomach was full of acid on the way to the bunker. He considered texting Dean, but he knew that it was highly unlikely he would be awake. If he was, he would probably be too drunk to care about his phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at Eileen in his peripheral vision. She was bright-eyed, with her hair pulled back. She caught him and squeezed his hand. He felt a stab of guilt. How had he gotten so lucky? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was 7:00 am when they pulled up and let themselves in. Miracle padded in before them. Sam stopped. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Is that coffee? And bacon?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The bunker smelled like breakfast. "Dean?" he called, dropping his bags.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sammy!" Dean called, coming around the corner with a spatula in his hand. "I was gonna call you, but I didn't think you'd be up yet."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam felt his jaw drop. Dean was awake and smiling. A big goofy grin that extended to his eyes. Sam hadn't seen that smile in over a year.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He swallowed. "What? Um . . . What's going on?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's a miracle." Dean grinned. Then he pointed and winked at the dog. "I gotta show you something in the kitchen." He turned and walked away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam turned and saw Eileen staring at Dean's retreating figure. She looked at Sam and shrugged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Has he lost his mind?” Sam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I guess we better go see what's in the kitchen." she replied. She walked past Sam and he followed her down the hallway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she turned the corner, she let out a scream. Sam jumped and threw himself around the corner on high alert, where he skidded to a halt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Standing in the middle of the room in a t-shirt and a pair of Dean's pajama pants was Cas. He was smiling with his arms outstretched. Sam tried to say something but all he could do was open and close his mouth in shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, Sam." Cas said. Hearing his voice broke through the shock and Sam ran up and wrapped him in a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at Dean over Cas's head. Dean was grinning like a fool.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How? Dean, tell me you didn't break our deal." Sam said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean put his hands up. "No, man. No. Something to do with Jack."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas mumbled, his face squished by Sam's hug, "I promise I will explain everything."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam released him. "And you checked him?" Sam asked Dean. "No offense." He told Cas, who waved it off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The holy water special. He's clean. It's him." Dean said, pouring eggs into a different pan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Welcome back, man." Sam said, looking between his brother and Cas. A look passed between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My turn." Eileen said, wrapping her arms around Cas. They began signing rapidly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam couldn't stop smiling. He walked over to pour some coffee. He looked at Dean who was humming to himself as he patted Miracle on the head and grabbed the spatula. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam ran his hands through his hair. Dean looked at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So. Cas." Sam said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean grinned. "Cas!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He started to ask why Dean hadn't called him when something else clicked. What Charlie had said. The fact that they were both up and dressed in pajamas. Sam didn't think he had ever seen Cas in pajamas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean. Listen. I want you to know that, um . . . ." He didn't know how to finish the sentence. </span>
  <em>
    <span>If you are in love with Cas, I am thrilled. Not that you need my permission. </span>
  </em>
  <span>That wouldn't do. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I thought you might be dead. I am glad you aren't. Please don't ever ask me to do that again. Also, I know you are in love with Cas and I think it's neat.</span>
  </em>
  <span>  He shook his head. </span>
  <span>"I am really happy." He finished. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn't his best effort but Dean didn't seem to notice. "Breakfast!" He announced. "And don't start lecturing me about cholesterol, Sam. Not today. Today is a day for celebration, including grease and fat and salt. The unholy trinity of cooking."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He served up four plates and they sat. Miracle curled up below them hoping for some bacon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So, should we talk about Jack's plan?" Sam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No!" Dean said, pointing a piece of bacon at Sam. "You are not ruining a perfectly good breakfast with shop talk."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled at him. "We have time. Tell me what I have missed."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam filled him in on the last year. He got the distinct impression that Cas already knew everything and was only half listening.  Dean and Cas kept glancing at each other. They had clearly hooked their ankles under the table and at one point, he was pretty sure they were holding hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at Eileen, whose eyes were sparkling. "Do you see this?" He signed behind the table where Dean and Cas wouldn't notice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's cute." She replied grinning at him. Sam could feel his own doofy grin in return. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam decided not to push it. They would say something when they were ready. As it happened, he didn't have to wait long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I am gonna get some more bacon." Dean said. "Anybody else need anything?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I would love some more orange juice." Cas replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean leaned over to grab his glass. "I got you, sunshine." He leaned over and gave Cas a quick kiss, then he stood up and headed to the fridge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was halfway there when he froze. He turned back around sheepishly. Sam was grinning like an idiot. He glanced at Eileen, who wore a matching grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam raised his eyebrows. "Sunshine?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s smile faded. "Yeah. Listen, Sammy . . . ."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He raised his hands to stop Dean. "I know. I am happy for you. Thrilled. You two have loved each other a long time. I am glad you finally worked it out. And after the last year, I am just really really glad to see you happy."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't go getting all soft on me. No chick flick moments." Dean said pointing a finger at Sam, but then he winked at Cas and headed for the fridge with a big grin on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"When has that ever been true?" Sam called after him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Breakfast had been nice. More than nice, but the briefing could only be delayed so long.  They gathered around the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas froze when he saw his name carved into the table. Jack’s too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean." He said. Emotion welled up in his chest and stole his breath. He reached out and felt the letters. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean walked up beside him and put his hand on Cas's. "You belong on this table. You belong with me." He said quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas couldn’t find the words, so he kissed Dean instead. It felt like his heart might explode. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they pulled away he looked over at Sam and Eileen. They looked down quickly, pretending to study a book on the table in front of them, but they couldn't hide their smiles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt a twinge of joy. He was probably supposed to be embarrassed by the display of affection, but he wasn't and he didn't have it in him to pretend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ok." He said, sitting at the table. "It probably won't come as a surprise to discover that Jack has inherited a bit of a mess from Chuck."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Chuck's a dick. Got it." Dean said. Sam gave him a look, but Cas felt a burst of affection. Dean was still Dean. Despite everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He believed his creations fit into neat categories and he divided up the afterlife accordingly. But we know that isn't how it works. Monsters can be good. And angels can fall in love." He looked at Dean who swallowed, emotion evident in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure." Sam added. "Like Garth and his family. They don't belong in Purgatory when they die. They don’t harm people." Cas nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It doesn't help that the angels were left to try and figure out who belongs in Heaven. As you well know, my brothers and sisters do not understand humans. And there were some side deals with Hell. Plus occasionally Chuck was just, well," he looked at Dean searching for an appropriate descriptor, "a dick. He just sent people to Hell for fun sometimes."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded. "Like Kevin." he said. Cas nodded. "And others." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"To make matters more complicated, many of the angels and the demons have woken up in The Empty. They want out. The entire thing is in disarray. The Empty showed up in Heaven demanding that Jack put everyone back to sleep." Cas added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What about heaven itself? It wasn’t exactly paradise." Dean noted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas nodded. "Jack is working on that part. He broke down the walls between personal heavens after meeting some friends of yours."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Who?" Dean asked emotionally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ash, Jo and Ellen." Dean closed his eyes. Cas could see some tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. "I saw Bobby, too." Cas said gently. "There was a whole bar full of hunters."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked at Sam who nodded, eyes glassy. He shook himself off. "So what does Jack need?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He wants to hold a summit." Cas said. "To rework the system. Nothing is working the way it is supposed to. Or, more accurately, the way it is supposed to work doesn’t fit with reality. It isn’t just. Jack plans to change everything, but he doesn’t want to do it alone. He wants input from the leaders of each plane of existence."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ok, so who are we talking about here?" Sam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Obviously, Jack will be there for Heaven. And The Empty has agreed. In fact, they insisted."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So I assume we need Rowena? She is the Queen of Hell, after all." Sam added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's correct. Someone has to go in and convince Rowena that this is in her best interest. I thought it made sense for you and Eileen to tackle that part. She likes you as much as she likes anyone." Cas said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam smiled wryly. "Sure. I think we can do that. What about Purgatory."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked at Dean. "That's us."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean shook his head. "You can't. You won't be able to get out and you will be a huge target."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled. "We thought of that. I left my grace with Jack. I am human."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sucked in a breath but nodded. "So who speaks for Purgatory? Cause I am pretty sure none of those monsters trusted anyone else when we visited last time."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Who else? Their mother. Eve."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emotion flickered across Dean's face, but he nodded. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense. If we can get her to cooperate. She wasn't exactly a huge fan of us last time we met. I distinctly recall an attempted murder."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas snorted. "Well, we will just have to use our charm." His smile dropped. "We know Purgatory. We have been there. I think we have the best chance."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded. "Yeah. I know. We will figure it out. How do we get there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jack can open a portal. All we have to do is ask.” Cas said. “He will open another when they are ready to get to the Summit. Each representative can bring one being with them. Jack doesn’t want this to end up being a fight. A holy war wouldn’t help anyone. We have all seen that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What about Earth?" Eileen asked. Dean and Sam swiveled their heads to look at her. Cas looked sheepish. "Um, yeah. There is that."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all looked at him. "Well, I mean, you have saved Earth how many times? Who else would speak for it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean preened. "Sammy, that makes us Kings of Earth. Emperors? We will work on the name." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam rolled his eyes but he couldn’t hide a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Where and when?" Eileen asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"6 days. And, um, we needed a fairly neutral location. Somewhere where nobody had a natural advantage. Somewhere that could be warded against intrusions." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Cas, tell me you didn't invite the four most powerful beings in the universe to dinner at our place." Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked at him. "Um . . . ."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean laughed and clapped. "You crazy son of a bitch." He kissed him hard on the lips.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Author’s note: The HOLY trinity of cooking is obviously onion, bell pepper and celery, which Dean’s cajun vampire ex boyfriend could have told him.</p><p>Hooray for domestic fluff. I had a lot of fun with this chapter. Cas DESERVED to see his name in that table and they all deserved a nice, happy, uncomplicated breakfast. I thought about any number of ways to have Dean tell Sam about Cas, but I ended up loving the idea that he would just forget because he was so comfortable and relaxed and happy. I love the concept that the less natural thing for Dean is NOT to kiss Cas. He is so touchy feely with him as a friend, and I feel like the escalation in their relationship, especially after a year of separation, would result in a ton of casual touches and kisses. Essentially, the default for Dean is TO touch Cas, and he doesn’t have to fight or suppress it anymore. Once that concept came to me, I couldn’t see the scene any other way.</p><p>I also really enjoyed cute Sam and Eileen. I thought they were really lovely together and they got each other. I get most angry when I think about Dean and Cas, obviously, but I also can’t stand that Eileen was basically erased on the phone with Sam never to be seen again and in her place was a blurry wife.</p><p>The next chapter is a doozy.  It has the first part of the trip to Purgatory and the first part of the Trip to Hell. It will feature [SPOILER] Bela in Hell and Benny in Purgatory. [SPOILER]. </p><p>Expect it to take me a few days to a week to update (depending on my work schedule and kid situation), so don’t abandon hope. It IS written, I just want to tweak it and didn’t want anyone to think I was disappearing on you given how quickly I have been able to update this fic so far. I promise it will be worth it.</p><p>I will say that I am still working on the end. I have an afterlife concept but I would love to hear people’s thoughts on Tumblr or here. No promises it makes the final cut, but what are your thoughts. What should the afterlife look like in this universe? I mean, other than John Winchester not being down the road from the boys he traumatized and Kevin Tran not wandering the earth because his soul was damned by Chuck.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Eileen and Sam run into an old adversary in Hell. Cas and Dean run into an old ally in Purgatory. </p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: violence, references to child abuse in the past</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jack's portal dropped them off in a large room with built-in bookshelves and a large, ornate desk. The desk held a large ancient book. It was nicer than any room Sam remembered ever seeing in Hell. He looked around. In addition to books, the shelves held jars with dubious liquids and powders. The room was lit by small lamps that gave it a warm glow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Huh." He said. He signed to Eileen. "I am not sure where we are. It's not an area of Hell I have visited."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen shrugged. "I guess we will have to look around until someone finds us." She tensed and he swung around to see a door open on the far end of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hello, Sam. It's been awhile." a woman said. Her british accent and firm voice were instantly familiar. The woman walked into the room. She had long dark hair that fell in waves past her shoulders and sharp blue eyes. She wore a sleek black suit and a low cut cream blouse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Bela?" Sam asked, shocked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled cooly. "Didn't expect to see me here? We aren't all Winchesters, you know. For most of us, once we are dead, we tend to stay dead." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You look good." Sam said. "Better than I would have expected, given the circumstances."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. "Well, you know me. I always land on my feet. And now that Hell is under new management, I have done all right."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam raised his eyebrows. "How are things under Rowena?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A light flashed in Bela's eyes. Something fierce and . . . affectionate maybe? "It's actually rather brilliant." She said. "The regime of torture wasn't really effective. After time passes, you either disassociate or you go demon. There are only so many ways to flay someone. Crowley was slightly more inventive. He went for psychological torture. Waiting in lines. Sitting in meetings. Terrible blind dates. Finding yourself in the final exam of a class you have never been to. It was effective. Though the demons struggled a bit to adjust. Not as clean. Not as simple."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So what's it like now?" Sam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's the genius of it all. Queen Rowena understands humans better than any ruler before her. Nobody. No demon, no monster, no deity. Nobody hurts humans more completely than they hurt each other and themselves. She doesn't have to do anything. She can just let them fight among themselves. The humans have formed clans. They fight internally for power and they fight among their clans. If one clan gets too powerful or if everyone gets too close to peace, Rowena either helps things along or resets them. Otherwise, she just lets them destroy one another. It’s the perfect blend of psychological and physical torture."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Huh. What do the demons do?" Sam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mostly, they keep things running. Encourage things along if people get too cozy. There aren't as many as there used to be. Somebody put quite a dent in the demon population. And the humans don't turn as quickly under the new system. Which is great because we get more power out of a human soul." She shrugged. "It's really quite elegant."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Where do you fit in?" Eileen spoke up. Sam felt an irrational urge to shield her from Bela and the rest of Hell. It was gone as soon as it came. She was a hunter, and a damn good one. He trusted her to watch his back. He trusted her to take care of herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bela smiled. It was a bit predatory. "Oh, is this your girlfriend, Sam? She's pretty. I'm Bela. I knew Sam many years ago. Before I was dragged to hell by a hellhound for making a deal with a demon as a child in order to protect myself from my abusive parents." Sam suspected she was trying to shock Eileen. Or perhaps it was a test. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen sucked in a breath. "I'm sorry. I was killed by a hellhound myself once. I was fighting the British Men of Letters. I suspect you may have met some of them down here. I'm Eileen."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something flickered across Bela's face. Surprise and perhaps a bit of respect. "Where do I fit in?” she repeated Eileen’s earlier question. “Well, I brokered deals under the first two regimes. I built a network of demons and became a facilitator of sorts. Turns out demons aren’t the united front you would expect from a bunch of corrupted souls. Shocking, I’m sure. I got deals done. Served as a go-between in exchange for protection.” She smiled. “And rewards, of course.” She looked at Sam. “Heard the name Winchester a lot over the centuries." She said with a small measure of amusement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I bet." Sam said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was different when Queen Rowena came. My demon network wasn't nearly as useful, so I had to start over with the humans. I kept rising to the top of my clan. I was far older than most of the souls. The souls that were my age had long ago become demons. Plus, I had centuries of experience negotiating with rivaling factions far scarier than humans. Eventually, Rowena got irritated. She said I was a 'bothersome skank.'" She smiled fondly at the last bit. Almost as if it was a term of endearment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She told me I could come work with her on a provisional basis. That was years ago. She threatens to send me back occasionally to keep things fresh. But it turns out we have a lot in common. And we have fun."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen's eyebrows shot up. "So that makes you what? Second in command?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bela snorted. "No. There is no chain of command in that sense. It makes a coup too attractive. More like Queen's Consort."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So you two are . . . .?" Sam trailed off and made a vague hand gesture. Bela and Rowena. That . . . actually made a lot of sense. He would never trust them. Especially together. And he would certainly never cross them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes. I mean, we keep it casual. But it works for us." Bela said in a light voice, but Sam detected a hint of something deeper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam smiled. "Good. That's great. I am glad you are happy."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So pleased  to have your approval, Sam." she replied with more than a hint of sarcasm. "Come on. I was sent to fetch you and the Queen should be finished with her current business."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How did she know we were coming?" Sam asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bela gave him a side-glance. "She's a witch and the Queen of Hell, Sam."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Right." said Sam, and he followed her down a corridor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They landed hard in a clearing. The familiar sickly yellow light immediately sent a burst of adrenaline through Cas's body. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Purgatory. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas couldn’t help but remember Dean here in all of his glory. He had believed it was his highest and best use. Kill or be killed. He had been glorious. He had been wrong. Those hands could kill, but they had also cradled his face last night. They had held him and patched him up and comforted him time and time again. For now, they reached out and helped Cas to his feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thanks." He said. "So, what now? Any thoughts on where Eve might be?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean's eyes were bright as he pulled out two machetes from the bag, handing one to Cas. "I guess we just start moving. We will just have to gank monsters until someone talks. As I recall, Eve was pretty hot to see us last time."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas didn't love the plan. He had no idea what would happen to them if they were killed in Purgatory. Could Jack save them? He resolved not to find out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They chose a direction and set off. Something was different.  Cas couldn’t quite identify what it was. Something about the light. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean, does something feel off to you?" He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean turned to look at him and his eyes widened. "Cas!" Before Dean could get another word out, Cas swung his machete around and took out a vampire. Dean leapt to his side to get another. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were five of them. Not very fair, but what else was new? Cas began grappling with a woman. She hissed at him. It was always difficult to adjust to being human. He longed for his angelic power. His strength. But he managed to hook a leg around hers and take her to the ground. He chopped off her head in one motion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned to see Dean on the ground. He had taken out one of them, but the other was on top of him. Cas's heart lurched. It always did when Dean was in trouble. He rushed to the two men and swung with everything he had. The vampire's head rolled to the side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He helped Dean up. "You okay?" He asked, grabbing Dean's face and inspecting him for injury. He fought the urge to wrap him up in his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah. Thanks, man." Dean said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked around at the fallen vampires. He smiled dryly. "Can't exactly ask any of them. Guess we will have to keep going."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded. "Yeah, we'll capture the next guys. I . . . ."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Behind them a familiar voice said: "Dean? Is that you? Castiel?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas felt a slight lurch of jealousy when he heard the smooth cajun accent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Benny?" Dean said in disbelief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny stood in front of them, unchanged as ever. Cas had watched Dean with many potential partners and actual partners over more than a decade, but watching him with Benny had been the hardest. At least Lisa had represented a regular life. A family. Something Cas had thought he couldn’t offer. Benny was a vampire and a man. Cas hadn’t thought Dean would be interested in either, but it had been obvious that something happened between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He and Benny had previously come to an unspoken agreement. Protect Dean at all costs. They had succeeded and Cas had sent Dean off with Benny, staying behind in Purgatory to do penance and grieve for a relationship that he thought he would never have. But now? Now he had that relationship. Had Dean’s heart. He only hoped that he wasn’t Dean’s second choice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to suppress the worry. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dean loves me. I heard his prayers. Felt his love. He showed me he loved me last night and the night before that. That was real.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Slightly behind Benny stood a slender man in old-fashioned clothes. He had long dark hair, which was tied back, and warm brown eyes. He looked uncomfortable, shifting from foot to foot. Perhaps he was just shocked to see humans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean ran to Benny and wrapped his arms around him. "I thought you were dead." He said emotionally. "Last time I was here, they said you were dead."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny returned the hug then stepped back, giving Cas a quick nod. "Nah. Nobody dies in Purgatory. Well, none of us monsters. I thought you knew that."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What?" Dean asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other man spoke in a similarly melodic cajun accent. "Purgatory is made for us by our Mother. It is a place where we can hunt and be hunted. Where we can give into our nature. When we die, the Mother remakes us three days later. These five will be back up and running in three days. It's a paradise." There was a note of bitterness in his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But that is exactly why you and your angel friend . . . " he looked at Cas, "human now? Why you need to leave. Everything here wants to kill you and we have no idea what will happen if you die here. You know that." Benny said, his voice full of concern and tenderness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas felt the irrational jealousy bubble up again. He shoved it down, taking a breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No can do, Benny. But maybe you can help us." Dean said. He got that look in his eye. The one he got when he was about to say something clever. "We're on a mission from God." He smirked and looked around. "Blues Brothers! Really? Nobody? Cas, we are making that a priority when we get home." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas gave him a look that he hoped said: </span>
  <em>
    <span>stay on track, Dean. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dean winked at him and he felt a little thrill of affection. Cas fought a smile in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We need to find Eve." He told Benny. "It is important or we wouldn't be here."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you crazy?" Benny asked. "Last I heard, Eve had a bounty out on both your pretty little heads. She will kill you on sight. No. It is better if you leave."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You think my head is pretty?" Dean joked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean." Cas said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sighed. "Look, man, we need to talk to her. God is trying to rework the afterlife. Iron out some of the wrinkles. Make sure everyone is where they belong. I know she hates us, but we can't leave without giving her the message."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny's eyes widened. He looked at the other man. "Excuse me." Benny said quietly. Then he retreated to talk to the man. They could hear quiet urgent French between the two of them, but it was too quiet to make out. They seemed to be arguing about something. Benny looked alarmed, his face turning red. The other man responded in quiet, comforting tones.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean walked over and clapped a hand on Cas's shoulder. He was grinning. "Benny!" He said proudly. "Can you believe it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled back, despite the churning sensation in his gut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean's eyes narrowed. "What?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked away. "It's nothing."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh no. We are not doing that. We already spent a decade not talking and where did that get us?" Dean said. "What's up?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas couldn’t meet his eye. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This is so stupid. </span>
  </em>
  <span>"It’s stupid. I know it’s stupid. I guess I am just a little jealous. I spent so long thinking I couldn’t have . . . we couldn’t have this and now here comes Benny and . . . ." Cas admitted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Benny?" Dean asked in disbelief. "Cas, buddy, look at me." Dean said, gently putting his hand on Cas's face and turning towards his own. "What Benny and I had was nothing compared to this. Yeah, I cared about him, but what we have . . . ." He broke off. "I love you. I promise I am not going anywhere. Okay? You have me. Always. Until you get sick of me and possibly beyond that." Dean grinned. Relief flooded through Cas. Dean kissed him. Soft and sweet kisses that made his heart flutter in a way he didn’t know was possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They looked up to see the two men staring at them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Finally figured it out, I see." Benny said, grinning and looking between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean gave Cas a crooked smile. "Yeah."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean. Cas, I want you to meet my husband, Remy." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other man smiled. "It is a pleasure to meet you." He said. He was soft spoken. He looked slightly ill and worry tinged his face. Cas wondered what could possibly make a monster ill in Purgatory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I need to understand what kind of changes we are talking about." Benny said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean shrugged. "I don't know. We took down God and in his place is our son, Jack." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny raised his eyebrows but said nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"When he got upstairs, he realized the old system wasn't really fair. He wants to make a new one. A fair one. One that takes into account who we are rather than what category we fall into." Dean said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny looked at Remy. Remy nodded. Benny looked distraught but said nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Give us another moment." Benny said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What do you think that's all about?" Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas shrugged. He had no idea. Perhaps something to do with Remy's apparent illness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remy smiled and handed Benny several weapons from a pack.  Benny was saying something to Remy. The conversation looked intense. Even from here, Dean could see that Benny was upset. Crying. Remy seemed to be taking things a bit better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They kissed. Benny stroked Remy's face and said something tender.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he stood back while Remy poured something over his head and onto the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell is happening?” Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remy said something to Benny. He nodded. He reached into his pocket and pulled out something small. It shone in the low light. There was a flash and a flame rose from the item. A lighter then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny threw the lighter. Remy and the entire area around him burst into flames. He screamed in agony. The nauseating smell of burning flesh reached them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"WHAT THE FUCK?" Dean yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Come on." Benny said quietly. "We have to get out of here. That will bring a lot of attention."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Benny, you just killed your husband You just LIT HIM ON FIRE. You want us to come with you after you lit that man on fire?" Dean yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"DEAN!" Benny yelled. "I had to. He asked me to. It’s okay. We will be reunited in three days. Now come on. We have to get you to Eve before someone else catches up with us and decides to take you to her in pieces instead. I promise, I will explain on the way but we cannot stay here. They will be coming."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas put a steadying hand on Dean's arm. He was disturbed as well, but it wasn’t like they had a lot of options. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny started walking quickly away from his burning spouse. The two men followed in silence.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ok, I promise Benny has a good reason. I swear! You will just have to wait until next week to find out more.</p><p>I didn’t plan to get this update up so quickly, but BennyDean/DeanBenny went canon and I felt like I had to get it out there. The good news is: earlier update. The bad news is that this fic may slow down substantially if I can’t get some good writing time in next week.</p><p>I love Bela and I love the concept of her with Rowena. The more I wrote, the more they made sense together. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean, Cas and Benny make their way through Purgatory. Dean and Cas discover some disturbing things about Benny’s home. Sam and Eileen pitch the summit to Rowena.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: references to prior character deaths, canon-typical violence, references to suicide</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"Duck!” yelled Benny. Dean hit the ground and Benny swung his machete, decapitating the last werewolf.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Dean said to Benny. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on.” Benny said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to explain anything?” Dean asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny sighed. “We have to keep moving.” They resumed their walk through the woods. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remy is a Rougarou. Have you ever heard of them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded. “I have faced a few. They are pretty rare.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are very rare. They aren’t like most monsters. You can’t become a Rougarou. You are born one. It’s a family curse. If your parent is a Rougarou, you will be one too.” Benny said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I remember. One of the guys I tried to help did his best to avoid turning. He tried to escape the hunger. It didn’t work.” Dean said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It never does.” Benny said sadly. “Today, our people have a better understanding of the curse. If you live in the swamp, you know there is a risk. Especially if your parent disappears mysteriously or dies around 30. The reason they are so rare is that most Rougarous do not have kids or they kill themselves when they hit 30 if they experience the hunger. To protect others. And because the elders tell them it’s the only way to get into Heaven.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But that isn’t true.” Cas pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately, no.” Benny said. “But how would they know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny turned down a path. They followed. “Remy . . . his father disappeared when he was just a boy. He was a trader and it was assumed he had died. Several traders disappeared around the same period. Turns out it was probably his father who was causing the other disappearances, but he didn’t know that. Couldn’t know that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The light had taken on a weird orange quality. Dean looked up, but he couldn’t see the cause. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny continued. “His Mama died young and he was raised by his Mamere. When he was old enough, he left to become a sailor. On his 30th birthday, his ship caught fire and he wasn’t able to escape. He woke up here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit.” said Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, shit. He thought it was a mistake. He wasn’t a monster like the rest of us. He was just some sailor. Just some guy. For over a century, he thought he was just bait. A plaything for the monsters. He wondered if he was in Hell. And then he saw another like him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One of the other Rougarous?” Castiel asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. One who looked human. There was an entire clan of them. Rougarous from the same small village. They had all killed themselves before the hunger could change them or died before 30. It was the first time he understood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So none of these people had ever killed? Had ever done anything monstrous?” Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. But they belong to Purgatory all the same. They are Eve’s children. They have formed a community.” Benny said. “The Rougarous are master weapons experts. They have to be. They don’t have strength or teeth or claws.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, what, they don’t age and they don’t change?” Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are no humans.” Cas said. “They don’t change because there are no humans.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got it.” Benny affirmed. “Rougarous don’t eat monsters and they don’t eat each other. They only eat humans. If there are no humans, there is no hunger.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean stopped and looked at Benny. “That’s why you burned him. He couldn’t travel with us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were a danger to him and he was a danger to you. The hunger was how we found you. It was already starting to drive him mad. I had to . . . .” Benny stopped, sucking in a breath. “We will be reunited in three days’ time. We have been separated before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Dean said quietly. He imagined having to put Cas through something like that. His heart lurched at the thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are his only hope.” Benny said. “Me? I am a monster. I have killed. I have murdered. But him? He is just a guy. He had not hurt anyone until he got here, and that hardly counts. He does not deserve this life. He does not . . .” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean woke up on the ground. “CAS!” He yelled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Next to him, Cas groaned. Dean rolled over to him. He opened his eyes. “What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Benny?” Dean yelled. He turned to see Benny sitting up, wiping his face. “What was that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do not know, but it is happening more frequently.” Benny said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny shook away the last of his confusion. “Surely you have noticed the light, yes?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little more than a year ago, as far as I can guess, we started to have fluctuations. The light would change and sometimes everyone would just blackout. Even if you were in the middle of battle. They are coming more frequently now. It has only been a few weeks since the last one.” Benny said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Castiel asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nobody knows. But I have a theory. I think the Purgatory is failing. That’s the other reason I agreed to help you. You have to get Remy out of here, Dean.” Benny said desperately. “Before it’s too late.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***********</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas was sleeping. Dean knew he should join him, but he always struggled to get rest when there was work to be done. No matter how tempting it was to curl up next to Cas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny had agreed to take watch. Dean circled the camp again and then joined him, sitting beside him on a log but faced the other way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you and Cas.” Benny said grinning at Dean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked sheepish. “Yeah, it’s a new thing, but it’s been a long time coming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny nodded. “I can’t say I am surprised.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean felt a stab of guilt. “Benny, what we had . . . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was casual. Dean, I knew you weren’t ready to be with me. As a man or as a monster. Besides, it was obvious your heart wasn’t available as soon as I saw the way you looked at him. I am no Evangeline. I wasn’t going to sit under a tree and wait for you. Especially when I was not the one you loved.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean raised his eyebrows. “It was that obvious?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To anybody who wasn’t you, I guess.” Benny laughed. “You were both willing to give anything to protect one another.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like you and Remy.” Dean nudged him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny nodded. “He’s a good man, Dean. Better than I deserve.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are a good man too, Benny.” Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny shrugged. “I am what I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you meet?” Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny snorted. “He killed me. A lot. And I killed him right back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked at him sideways. “Well, I can certainly see how that would be romantic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He just kept showing up. Over and over. Finally, we were facing off. He was holding an axe and staring me down and I yelled: ‘You couillon! Why do you come after me over and over?’ and he smiled at me and dropped his axe. ‘I am homesick,’ he said, ‘these children do not even speak French.’” Benny laughed and Dean joined him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We called a truce and talked all night in our native language. It had been a long time for both of us. It was like being home. After that, he brought the axe, but he never raised it against me again and I did not try to eat him. And then one day, he did not bring the axe at all, and I devoured him in a different way.” Benny said smiling at the memory. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The smile became bittersweet. “The Rougarous, they would not have me. So Remy left their protection. It has been the two of us ever since. If I were actually a good man, I would let him go. But I cannot. Not for them. Not until there is no choice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded. “I understand that.” he said looking at Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I expect you do.” Benny replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat in silence for a while. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Benny, I will put in a good word with Jack, but I don’t know how he will settle things. Remy may have to choose between Heaven and you.” Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Benny said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What will you do?” Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Benny replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded. He patted Benny on the back. “Well, we have some time. I am going to go to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Dean.” Benny said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean stared down at Cas. His fallen angel. Unlike Benny, he knew one thing. When it came to giving up Cas, there was no choice at all. He wasn't going to lose him again. He laid down beside him and pulled him close. Cas stirred and snuggled into him. Dean smiled and closed his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The throne room was ostentatious. It was a massive stone room with large backlit stained glass windows and elaborate red glass chandeliers. In the front of the room on a dais sat a large, imposing throne, and seated upon that was a tiny red-haired woman in a long, silky blood-red ballgown, her curls piled high atop her head and framed by a tiara.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hello, Samuel." Rowena said with a delighted smile. "Nice of you to visit. Oh, and you've brought a friend." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Rowena. It's good to see you." It </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> good to see her. He still felt a large measure of guilt for stabbing her to death, even if she insisted on it. "This is Eileen."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena stood and inspected her. "Hello, Rowena. I have heard a lot about you." Eileen said neutrally. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena stopped in front of her. "You've something different about you. I can sense the magic emanating off of you." She looked at Sam, but kept herself facing forward, a cheeky smile playing on her lips. "Samuel. Did you build yourself a girlfriend?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam felt his face turn bright red. "No. Not like that. She was dead. And I built her a body. Her body. Like the one she had before." He sputtered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You did. You whipped yourself up a girlfriend with my magic, didn't you." She was grinning and she looked a little proud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam sighed. "She and I had a relationship and she was killed by a hellhound. I just brought her back. Thank you, by the way. I didn't expect you to leave your magic to me." His voice broke. "I was really touched. I'm happy you have made something good for yourself down here."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena grinned with a side glance at Bela. "Now, Samuel, don't be getting all sentimental on me. Maybe I left you the spellbooks because I didn’t want any of those greedy cows getting their hands on them. Or maybe I thought it best go to you considering how frequently you and your brother needed me." There was a gleam in her eye. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at Eileen again. "There's something else." She said thoughtfully. "How did you lose your hearing?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen withstood her scrutiny without blinking. Something in Sam rose up. He wanted to jump in. But he suppressed it again. Eileen didn't need him to fight her battles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked Rowena in the eye. "Banshee. I was a baby."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena blinked. "Nasty business, banshees. So you are from Scotland too? Or Ireland?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ireland." Eileen confirmed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena nodded. As if something had been decided. "I like this one, Samuel. You'd best hold on to her. You won't do better."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She returned to her throne. Bela stood to her side and slightly behind her. "Now, before you ask me for whatever it is you want to ask me for . . ." Sam opened his mouth to protest but she stopped him with a wave. "You Winchesters never visit unless you want something. Before we get down to whatever trouble you have brought to my doorstep, I want to hear about how you have been using my spells. I know you have been using them to," she made a face as if she had eaten a lemon "</span>
  <em>
    <span>help people</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but you must be a powerful witch by now. Have you defeated any of the other witches?" She leaned forward with anticipation. "And precisely whom? Tell me everything." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam ran his fingers through his hair. "Um, I have pretty much stopped doing spells. Other than the occasional protection charm or something. I got a job doing legal research remotely." He smiled at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena gave Bela an exasperated look. "Centuries of deep magical knowledge and the man is click clacking on a computer."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam looked at Eileen for help, but she was laughing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Traitor </span>
  </em>
  <span>he thought affectionately.  "Rowena . . ." Sam started. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm only teasing." She said seriously. "If you tell anyone I said this, I will curse you, but I am glad you got yourself a life. You've earned it." For a moment, there was a softness to her features. Perhaps a slight look of regret. But then it was gone. Maybe Sam has imagined it in the first place. "Now, what new crisis have you brought to me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam froze for a moment. He probably should have rehearsed this. Where to even start. "So, Jack is trying to rework the afterlife. Apparently, there are some real systemic problems."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena blinked, confusion evident on her face. "Jack? Why would he do that? And how is he going to accomplish that from The Empty?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Right. He is alive. Again. And he is God now."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bela laughed. "What is it about the Winchesters?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena smirked at her. Then she looked back at Sam. "And here I was proud that my son became King of Hell. How did all this happen?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam nodded. "So the short version is that we managed to kill Chuck by having Jack absorb his energy. It's more complicated than that, but I don't think it could be replicated if we tried."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And Chuck's dead?" Rowena asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Human." Sam replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Really?" She asked. “Well, I am sure we will have some fun in a few years then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Anyway, apparently there has been some confusion regarding who should be sent where when they die and Jack wants to hold a summit to discuss it with you, The Empty and Eve. And us." He smiled at her hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And he sent you. Because he thinks I have enough of an affinity for you not to ask questions?" Rowena asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam's eyebrows shot up. "No! No. I mean, yes, I like to think we have a good relationship . . . a friendship . . . but I am not trying to use that. It's just important that you participate. That someone speaks for Hell."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hell is quite fine as it is, thanks to Rowena." Bela said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thank you, darling. Perhaps I'll keep you a bit longer." Rowena teased. Sam couldn't help but notice the affection there. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Good. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Both of them deserve some measure of happiness. </span>
  </em>
  <span>"Samuel, I just got Hell the way I like it. I haven't got the slightest interest in messing about with it again."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It seems to me that it's in your best interest. I would want to be there if I were you." Eileen cut in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Go on." Rowena said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well," Eileen said, "Jack is going to be re-allocating souls, right? That's a lot of power. And either you are at the table when he decides who gets that power, or you are not. You strike me as the type who wants a seat at that table."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena stared at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Plus, I think you have another problem." Eileen continued. "I think you have a group of bored, angry demons just waiting for a chance to take you down. Like the ones that went before you." Eileen said. "I think you need something to do with all of them."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was quiet for a moment. Then she smiled slowly. “Very well.” Rowena said. “Let me gather some of my most loyal demons.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One.” Sam corrected. “Everyone only gets to bring one person along. Jack doesn’t want to start a holy war or anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena pursed her lips. “How do I know it’s not a trap?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam gave her an exasperated look. “To what end? What could we possibly want to do to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena was quiet for a moment. “Let me confer with my . . . ,” she looked at Bela “associate.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Author’s Note 1: I know Supernatural spelled it “rugaru.”  The more popular spelling in Louisiana and the one I grew up with was Rougarou, so I decided to spell it accordingly. I have never actually seen the spelling variation other than the show. For cultural context, Rougarous (Rougaroux is probably the more technically correct plural) are really the equivalent of cajun werewolves, but Supernatural changed the lore rather substantially, probably to avoid too much overlap with the existing werewolves. </p><p>Author’s note 2: Mamere is a common name for your grandmother (like nana or mimi). It means “my mother” in French.</p><p>Author’s note 3: Evangeline is a famous story central to Louisiana. The legend/poem tells the story of a woman, Evangeline, and her love Gabriel. They are separated during le grand derangement, the exile of the Acadiennes during the French and Indian War (due to their refusal to fight for the British). Families were intentionally separated and sent throughout the Eastern Seaboard. As the story goes, Evangeline and Gabriel were separated. Evangeline searched for Gabriel and eventually found a village where he had previously been. He was expected back and she would wait under an oak tree for his return, but he never came. Eventually, she went to help others from her village who had settled up north and she found Gabriel on his deathbed. Other variations have her finally being reunited but she has remarried and she ends up wasting away and dying of grief. While fiction, the story resonates with many. Certainly, there were people who were separated from their loves and who were never reunited, and her story has become symbolic of their stories. The image of Evangeline beneath the oak tree is seen throughout Southeast Louisiana. She is often seen as a symbol of devotion and loyalty. </p><p>Author's note 4: "couillon" - fool, idiot, joker. It's often spelled "couyon" down here but I kept the French spelling for the non cajun French speakers.</p><p>Sorry for the Louisiana-based references. I say this with love, but Supernatural and most shows get Louisiana wrong. I wasn’t going to get the opportunity to write Louisiana monsters without integrating some local culture. It’s funny because the story for Benny and Remy was one of those things that just came together. I really love the final result and Remy becomes a perfect example of a “monster” that was thrown into a particular category without any evaluation of his moral character. I also enjoyed writing some fallout of the relationship between Benny and Dean (which I had drafted prior to the big confirmation from Ty Olsson, and which dovetails nicely). </p><p>You can probably tell that I love Rowena. She is one of my favorite characters, in no small measure because she is always consistently out for herself. She is also tough, smart and funny. I couldn’t resist having her give Sam a hard time about magic and about Eileen. </p><p>I know this was a really long chapter. The next one is a bit shorter but I am still trying to decide if I am going to move some of the chapter around. I was able to get some writing in this weekend and have worked the narrative up to the summit, so we are getting there. </p><p>Comment below and let me know if you have any theories, hopes, or dreams.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Eve and Rowena consider the proposed Summit. The Empty considers a proposal.  Jack spends some time reflecting on what the humans want in Heaven in preparation for the Summit.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: I don't like to spoil my surprises, but just a heads up that Kelly shows up in this chapter and lightly references what happened to her. Given the highly traumatic subject matter, I didn’t want anyone caught by surprise. </p><p>Update: it was also pointed out that I completely forgot she had seen Jack in Heaven in the show, so there is a deviation from canon. Apologies for that.</p><p>This chapter is essentially what's happening in the places that aren't Earth leading up to the Summit. The next chapter, which will come in the next two days, will be what is happening on Earth with a healthy dose of domestic fluff and fan service before we get into the heavy dramatic beats of the Summit (don't worry, there is still some humor in those chapters and I haven't gone too academic). </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"We are almost there now." Benny said. "Just around this corner."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean and Cas put away their weapons and raised their hands. They walked forward. Dean hated this. He would rather go in there, guns blazing. But they needed to talk to Eve. And that meant going in with their asses blowing in the wind. Besides, the monsters had a cheat code for unlimited lives and they were down to one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked around a corner to find several Leviathans standing in front of a gate. Dean's machete hand twitched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Who's there?" One of them yelled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's Benny Lafitte." Benny replied. "I have a present for The Mother." he said, holding up a hand to indicate that Dean and Cas were the gift. "I request an audience with her."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One of the Leviathans stepped forward and patted them down. She did the freaky face chomp at him. Dean just stared at her. She laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"They're clean." She said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The gate opened and they walked into a large, gated courtyard. Dean braced himself, remembering Eve taking on his mother's form. He wasn't sure he could handle seeing his mother's face on a monster again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the woman who stood in the middle had dark hair, dark eyes and a heart shaped face. She had a small frame and she looked unassuming. No guards stood around her, though Dean had no doubt they would come if she called. Then he remembered her bite on his neck. She didn't need protection. She was the mother of all things that went bump in the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My son, you have done well." She said to Benny. She spared a malevolent smile for Dean and Cas. "Hello, Dean and Castiel. I don't know why you would be stupid enough to return to Purgatory, but I am grateful for it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Maybe we just missed your sparkling personality." Dean said sarcastically. Cas elbowed him. "Dean." He whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She ignored him. "You are entitled to a bounty." She directed at Benny.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mother Eve, instead of a bounty, may I ask for a favor?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at Benny, assessing him. "Go on." She said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny took a breath. "I ask that you hear these men out. I believe they have something to tell you that may be of interest."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She raised an eyebrow. Benny looked down. "Please, Mother."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Very well." She said. She turned her attention to Dean and Cas. Her eyes were full of hostility.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Here goes nothing. </span>
  </em>
  <span>"We are here on behalf of God . . . " Dean started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. It was a harsh sound. "God? The absent father? You were better off before admitting that." She began pacing. "He created his children and then left them. A faithless creature indeed. And now he has destroyed them. Destroyed their worlds. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And he has hurt my children in the process.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Chuck decided it would be fun to kill off his creatures with my monsters in several worlds. Like they were his to command. And now Purgatory suffers because . . . " </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sorry to interrupt." Cas broke in. "We are not here on behalf of Chuck."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stopped and stared at him. "Did he not say you were here on behalf of God?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smirked. "Oh yeah, but Chuck isn't God anymore. We fired him. There's a new guy in charge."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blinked. "You . . . fired him."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fired him. Demoted him. He's human now."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eve smiled. It was a cold, toothy grin. It reminded Dean of a predator bearing its teeth. "That's delicious." She said. "I hope one of my children makes a meal of him."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The new guy, Jack, is a good guy. He's trying to rework the afterlife. He wants it to be fair. Equitable."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at him suspiciously. "Like what? Purgatory runs just fine as it is. My children are happy. They can give into their natures. They don't have to hide. They don't have to pretend. If he wants to come in and change things, he will get a war."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He does not intend to change Purgatory." Cas cut in. "He just wants to look at who gets sent here. Make sure it's fair and just."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why would I agree to let him send some of my children elsewhere? They are MY children. They belong with me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean took a shot in the dark. "Because, I think you need Jack's help to save Purgatory."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes widened and she looked at him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bingo.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can't help but notice a little trouble with the transmission. Need a little tinkering under the hood. Something's gone wrong, hasn't it? And if you don't fix it soon, one of the blackouts is going to be permanent." Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's all Chuck's fault. He sent so many of my children to me all at once. Purgatory can't keep up." She said angrily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Believe me. We hate that bastard as much as you do." He softened his tone. "Come to the Summit. Meet with Jack. We aren't asking to hold hands and sing kumbaya. I know we don't like each other, but I also know you care about your children. This is their chance."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay." she agreed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You know what I am going to say." Bela told Rowena. "It's the Winchesters. Trouble follows them wherever they go and it gets the people around them killed."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know. I was the one killed more than once." Rowena sighed. "But the girl does have a point. Jack can stop sending souls. For all I know, he can clear out Hell and send us all to The Empty. He's God, Bela."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bela put a steadying hand on Rowena's shoulder. "And you are Rowena. The baddest witch that ever lived and the Queen of Hell."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena grinned. "I knew I kept you around for a reason."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bela leaned down and kissed her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena looked up at Bela. "I've met him. Jack. He was a decent enough boy. But he is a child. I have no idea what he will come up with if we aren't there."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then we go and protect what's ours." Bela said firmly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena nodded. She turned to Sam and Eileen. "Okay."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Empty had given up on the angels. They had agreed to let the angels remain awake provided that there was no unnecessary noise. The angels could communicate using their angel radio. It wasn’t perfect. The angels were still stomping around. The Empty could feel them, like little bugs crawling all over their skin. But at least the angels were quieter than the rest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When The Empty focused on the rest, ignoring the angels, they could get almost all of them to sleep. The Empty couldn't sleep, but they could at least rest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That is what The Empty was trying to do when the voice broke the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can't help but notice things have been a bit hectic around here lately. I can relate. It's always something when you're the boss, isn't it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Empty turned sharply. "Stop talking. Go back to sleep." They yelled at the unassuming demon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. "Okay. But rumor has it that you are going to make a deal with God. Tell me, how did that deal with Death work out for you? You need me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Empty turned their full attention on him. "How could you possibly know about that?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's what I do." He smiled. "I trade information. I make deals. While everyone else was flailing about saying 'where am I? and 'please help me!' I was gathering information. Talking to the beings who overheard your conversation with Dean Winchester's pet angel. Talking to Billie. She's not a fan." He shrugged. "That's what I do. I find out what people want and I use it to negotiate. That's why you need me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Empty stared at him. "But you are just a crossroads demon."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No. I am THE crossroads demon. I was the big boss for millennia. I oversaw every deal with every human. And the House always won. Because I know how to get what I want. You don't have to trust me, but you can confirm that I always honor my deals. So how bout it? Let's make a deal?" Crowley said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Empty stared at the former King of Hell. They knew he was probably right. They didn't know how to negotiate. They didn't have any desire to negotiate. Perhaps they should bring him along. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crowley added: "Besides, this has the stink of Winchester all over it. They are involved, right? We have a history. I know them. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Intimately.</span>
  </em>
  <span>"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What do you want?" The Empty asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What else?" Crowley smiled. "My freedom."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Empty made a decision. "Okay. On the condition that you stop talking until then."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>************</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack walked into the roadhouse. It was a lot quieter than the last time he had visited. He looked around. Bobby was seated at the same table, but this time he was alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lot emptier in here than you last visit, huh? Everyone is out enjoying reunions with people they haven’t seen in awhile, thanks to you.” He said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you don’t have anyone you want to reconnect with?” Jack asked. “Sorry, that was probably rude to ask.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah.” Bobby said. “On both accounts. I didn’t have any real family to speak of and I largely kept to myself other than the hunters. My wife and my best friend were already back in my life. Ain’t nobody else I wanna see other than my two boys, and if I see them anytime soon, I will be pretty damn pissed at them.” He looked Jack over. “Sit, boy. You’re making me nervous standing over me like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack sat. “They raised me, you know. Sam, Dean and Cas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby let a small grin pass across his lips. “Yeah, yeah. I guess that makes you sort of my grandson then, doesn’t it? Cause I raised them. More than their father ever did.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack smiled. “I heard a lot about you. They missed you, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, hell. That’s enough of that.” he said looking away. “Now, what are you doing in here? I can’t imagine it was the beer. You ain't got more important things to do as God than sit around an old roadhouse with a bunch of washed-up hunters?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack smiled. “Who else would I spend time with than a bunch of hunters?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby gave him a look that said </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t bullshit me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “I suppose I was just hoping to hear a little more about what people wanted. Everyone else who meets me is so deferential. Nobody was scared to tell me what they thought here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby grinned. “Hell,” he looked around, “Heaven, why didn’t you say so? Taking down the walls has been great. People are finding their families. Their friends. The people who mattered to them. But people need something to do. Also, they need to be able to change their surroundings. Currently, we are all just hopping between random places that people remember.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded. “That makes sense. Anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, what’s the deal with the angels? They are all dicks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack snorted. “I am aware of the issue.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” said Bobby. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything else?” Jack asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah.” Bobby said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat in silence for a moment. Jack cast about in his mind for something to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanna hear what you missed? All the latest gossip?” Jack asked grinning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby pretended not to be interested. Jack sat quietly, waiting him out. “Well, go on, you idjit.” he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>******</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jack stood outside the cottage. It was a small, peaceful place set on the shore of a large, calm lake. It was beautiful here. One of the most peaceful places he had seen in Heaven. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The serene setting did nothing to help his mood. His stomach churned. He considered turning around. Heading back to his office to prepare for the Summit. But he couldn’t bring himself to go. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am God. The God. Come on, Jack. Just walk up to the door and knock. You can’t afford to be scared of anything. How can you help the humans if you don’t face your own fears? If you don’t force yourself to do better.  </span>
  </em>
  <span>He felt a wave of guilt and anxiety, but he forced himself forward and knocked on the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was pretty in person. She had a radiance that pictures had failed to capture. When she saw him, she smiled uncertainly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Kelly. Um, mom. I am Jack. I’m your son.” He said in a rush. He had practiced an entire speech. Planned to break it to her more gently. But as soon as he saw her, it all bubbled out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at him for a moment, then broke into a grin. “My son.” she said, tears forming in her eyes. Then a look of confusion passed her face. “Wait, how long have I been here? You are so young. Did Castiel fail to protect you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack held up a hand. “It’s a long story. Can I come in?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled thoughtfully over her second cup of tea. “I knew you would do great things. I saw it. But to remake everything? To become God? That's more than even I could have predicted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled happily, but his smile faded. “I thought you might be mad at me. You shouldn’t have died like that. You were young. You had things to do of your own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “You didn’t do anything. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lucifer </span>
  </em>
  <span>on the other hand. What he did to me was . . . unspeakable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I know. I am so sorry.” Jack said. “He showed up, you know? Tried to get me to follow him. But Castiel and Dean and Sam, they taught me how to be good. Kind. How to save people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kelly smiled wistfully. “I would have liked more time. I wanted to be there with you. I would have liked it if you had gotten more time. But, I am glad you are here now. With me. Will you visit? I know you are busy being God and all, but will you visit me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack smiled. “I’d like that.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I admit, Eve was a challenge. She was somewhat opaque to me in the show. I wanted to strike a balance between her maternal beats and her monster beats. I was pretty happy with the result.</p><p>Rowena and Bela as a pairing are continuing to be really fun to write. Rowela? Bowena? Bel-witch? I would 100% watch a spinoff of them being morally questionable and fabulous. </p><p>Little does Rowena know that she will be getting a helping of family reunion on the side of her Summit participation. Will Crowley actually do as much to help The Empty as he claims? Honestly, I don't think they care as long as he shuts up. Crowley does like to talk. Ha!</p><p>The scenes with Jack were originally folded into the next chapter but I do like them here. They are slightly different than the rest of the chapter, but still thematically consistent, I think. I wanted to show Jack actually trying to do some research and getting his own house in order. The Bobby stuff was fun to write. Pure: what would happen if these two got time together? Also, Bobby so wanted all the gossip. The reunion with Kelly was a bit idealized, but I figure she has had a lot of time to come to terms with what happened to her. I decided against a big angst scene, but I did keep them somewhat strangers to walk that line. I hope it worked for you.</p><p>Next chapter should drop this weekend. I am halfway through The Summit chapters and I have some stuff I really like. I should be able to get those out in a reasonable manner. </p><p>Drop a comment! </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The bunker family spends a few days enjoying their downtime. I am not going to lie, this is just pure fan service fluff with some angst thrown in for good measure. It is Destiel and Saileen cuteness, together with some extended family thrown in before we dive back into plot. </p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: there is some angst relating to John Winchester's A+ parenting and some Dean self worth issues and some references to grief, but this is a fairly light and fluffy one. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>By the time Dean and Cas got back to the Bunker, Sam was nearly done with his wards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam and Eileen had returned mere minutes after their departure due to Hell's time dilation. Miracle had greeted them with a tail wag and some extensive sniffing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I guess that's a new smell, huh?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Thought Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had been worried for Dean and Cas. Crawling up the walls. Normally, he would at least get check-ins if the two were on a hunt, but it wasn’t like there was cell service in Purgatory. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Sam did what he always did when he needed a distraction. He buried himself in research. Combining some knowledge from Rowena with some knowledge pulled from the Men of Letters library, he was able to craft several elegant wards. Eileen helped by grabbing supplies and making sure he was taking care of himself, but she seemed to recognize that he needed to do this, so she largely left him to his own devices. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had missed it, he realized. Crafting spells and wards took a certain measure of creativity. A flexibility in thinking. Rarely was there something sitting in a book that did exactly what you wanted it to. Especially the complex spellwork. You had to pull a little from one place, a little from another. Make sure it all matched up. He supposed it wasn't too different from his day job. Following threads to build something new. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was just finishing up the final ward when he heard Dean's voice. "Honey, I'm home." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam finished the final step, then ran into the other room to wrap Dean and Cas in a bear hug. He hadn’t put it together until he heard his brother's voice but some part of him has been waiting for something to go wrong. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, as it always did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen was already there, grinning. She had been working in there when they had appeared. It struck Sam then that she had been working near the location of the portal the entire time. He felt a rush of affection for the woman he loved. Gratitude for their little family.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So get this," he told Dean, "Rowena has a consort and you will </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> guess who it is. Bela Talbot."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean raised his eyebrows. "Bela? Huh. How was she?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"About the same." Sam laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So does that mean Rowena is in?" Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yep. She will be waiting on Jack's portal. How about Eve?" Sam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Eve's in." Dean affirmed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How did it go? I know Purgatory isn't a particularly enjoyable place." Sam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean shrugged. "It wasn’t so bad. We had some help from Benny, actually."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam's eyebrows shot up. "The vampire?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Huh." Sam said."How was he?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Married to a Rougarou. He seemed like a nice guy. Before Benny killed him." Cas contributed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam stared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was only temporary." Cas said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, apparently monsters get rebuilt when they die in Purgatory. He had to do it. To keep his husband from giving into hunger and changing." Dean added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wow. Sounds like quite a trip." Sam said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was definitely eventful." Cas agreed </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So what now?" Sam asked. "I beefed up the wards. Not much else to be done."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We take a break." Eileen offered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***********</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next few days in the bunker passed quickly. It was everything Dean would never have had the courage to ask for. Everything he didn't think he could have. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no monster hanging over their heads. No research. No danger. No grief. They could just enjoy each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As promised, Dean made everyone watch The Blues Brothers. They ate popcorn and candy in the Dean Cave while John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd drove around in the Bluesmobile on a mission from God. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Around the time Jake ordered four fried chickens and a Coke while Elwood ordered dry white toast from Aretha Franklin, Dean looked over at Sam. Dean had his arm slung casually around Cas, feeling his warmth up against his side. Sam was in a similar position with Eileen. He smiled at Sam, who smiled back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How many times had they watched this movie in some old, run down hotel room? And now here they were. A home. A family. A future. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled Cas a little tighter while Aretha sang about freedom. Cas nuzzled into him and smiled. Dean sighed contently. Freedom was awesome.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>*******</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At night, he and Cas made up for lost time. Not just the physical stuff, though that was . . . amazing. It was also the freedom to hold each other. To talk about the past and the future. It was as if something had broken open inside of him. He couldn’t stop thinking about a life together. Couldn't stop telling Cas he loved him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, some part of Dean mourned the time they had lost. "Cas, do you ever think about the time we wasted?" He asked one night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had been curled up on Cas's bare chest, listening to his heartbeat. Marveling that he was here, alive and warm and all Dean's. Cas was running his hand through Dean's hair. It was nice. Peaceful. But some part of Dean could never just leave well enough alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What do you mean?" Cas asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked up at him. "I should have told you 'I love you' years ago. Almost did more than once. I was too scared. We could have had this sooner if I hadn't been such a coward."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean," Cas said, putting his hand on Dean's face, "none of our time was wasted. We were together. We had each other."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, but we could have had more." Dean said. "If I hadn't been so scared. And we can't get that time back." He felt tears pricking at the sides of his eyes. He had been so stupid. What had he been so scared of? That Cas would say no? How could he have missed Cas's clear love for him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas pulled him forward and kissed him. "Do you know how old I am, Dean? How long I spent never even knowing this love was possible? Hundreds of millions of years without this. Not even an idea of what I was missing." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled at him. "You don't look a day over 300 million." Dean teased. Cas snorted. "So, what? You are saying 12 years is a blip for you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled. "No. I am saying that 12 years won't be a lot of time some day. Because we have time, Dean. As much as we want. All of it, if I have anything to say about it." He kissed Dean softly. Sweetly. "But also, the time was not wasted because I was with you. I would trade any other time in my long life to be next to you in Baby on the open road. To be sitting next to you watching Tombstone. Dean, I may not have been saying it, but I loved you. All that time. And you loved me too. And every memory is made all the more special now that I know that. Besides, every single moment was bringing us here. Together."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean thought back over the year he had spent mourning. He remembered the nights he woke up reaching for Cas. Now he had everything he had ever wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Together." Dean said, grinning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean was hiding in the garage, ostensibly working on Baby. Ok, not exactly hiding, but Sam was showing Cas what he did during the day and Dean had fled before dying of boredom. Sure, he had spent years doing research himself, but at least he had been reading about cool stuff like monsters. Sam just read endless legalese. He couldn’t think of anything more boring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas had been interested in it though, or at least he wanted to understand it. Dean admitted that it was actually really sweet watching the man he loved taking an interest in his baby brother. Dean didn’t really know how all of this worked. He hadn’t really had many real relationships. Which brought him to the real reason he was in here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He picked up the phone and dialed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, nerd. What’s up?” Charlie said. He could hear her smiling in her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Charlie. Hey. It’s Dean.” Dean said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nailed that. Why am I nervous?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Hearing the strain in his voice, Charlie sobered. “Dean? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. It’s good. Sorry. It’s great. Cas is back.” Dean said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” She screamed. “Like back, back? How? Tell me everything about the dreamy angel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled. “Jack brought him back. It’s sort of a long story. We are helping him with something. But, yeah. He’s back and he is human. At least for now.” Dean took a breath. He really didn’t know why this was hard to say out loud. If anyone was going to be supportive, it would be Charlie. He had already told people. Well, let them figure it out by being affectionate with Cas in front of them. This was an easy one. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Just say it. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“There’s something else. Um, he and I . . . we’re together. I’m bi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow. I had no idea and I am very excited for you.” she said unconvincingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed. “You knew too, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That you were in love with the angel you couldn’t stop talking about and you stared at constantly and you found excuses to touch on a regular basis? Yeah, I may have had an inkling.” Charlie teased. “But, seriously Dean, I am really happy for you. It isn’t easy. To come out. To tell your friend you are in love with them. None of it is easy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled. “Well, he did the hard part. He told me he loved me before he died. He confessed his feelings for me. His happiness is what made The Empty come for him.” Dean’s voice broke. “I wasn’t brave enough to say it then. I told him not to do it, but I couldn’t bring myself to say . . . But I got there. And thank Jack, it wasn’t too late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did.” Charlie said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Charlie, can I ask you for some advice?” Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Dean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how to do this. You know me. I don’t like chick flick moments. I don’t like to talk about my feelings. And I have never been in a real relationship. Well, that’s a lie, but it has been a long time and it never felt like this. It never mattered this much to me. I don’t want to screw it up like I screw up everything else.” Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlie was quiet for a moment. “Dean, Cas knows you. He knows how you feel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean grunted in frustration. “But he didn’t. We danced around it for over a decade and everyone knew but us. I don’t know how to show him how much he means to me. I mean, he is this huge, celestial, ancient being and he loves </span>
  <em>
    <span>me. </span>
  </em>
  <span>This fucked up dude who couldn’t even admit to his feelings because he was too damn scared. And because he still worried what his father would think.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlie sighed quietly. “Dean. I’m sorry. Your father? If he wouldn’t have approved, the problem was his. The rest of it? I don’t think Cas is going anywhere. It seems like he made his choice a long time ago and I don’t see him regretting it now. In fact, it sounds like you both are really happy. So maybe you should tell him all this. Talk through it. But in the meantime, if it would make you feel better, why don’t you show him? Do something nice for him. Get him a present or something. I think you are more comfortable showing people how you feel than you are telling them. So, I don’t know, get him a gift. Something small, but that says you want him with you. You know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thanks, Charlie." Dean said thoughtfully. "I gotta go." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Later." She said, amusement coloring her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, bye Charlie. Thanks again." Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After he hung up, he quickly texted Cas and fired up Baby. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they found out Cas was back, Jody, Donna and the girls insisted on a video call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I told you we would get him back." Claire said, beaming at Dean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You were right." Dean said behind Cas. He leaned forward and planted a big kiss on Cas's cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Claire groaned. "Could you keep the PDA to a minimum? Nobody wants to see it." she teased, a huge smile plastered on her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Donna's head popped onto the screen. "Oh, hey, you finally figured it out, eh?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Dean say in an exasperated tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Cause it was pretty obvious, Dean. There was more pining than a forest." Donna replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas laughed and looked up at Dean. "Perhaps my attentions were not as subtle as I thought."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean threw up his hands. "One of you could have told us."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jody's face popped into view and she gave Dean a look that said: </span>
  <em>
    <span>yeah, right. Cause you would have listened to that. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed. "Well, we figured it out now." He kissed Cas on the head. Cas leaned into him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What did I say? Don't be gross." Claire teased. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex grabbed the phone. "Don't listen to her. She and Kaia are attached at the everything. Now that they are working together too, it's even more ridiculous." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shut up, Alex." Claire called behind her good-naturedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex's expression turned serious. "How are you, Cas. Really? Any physical symptoms?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled. "Other than the inconvenience of being human, I am me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaia popped up behind her. "And mentally? It can really fuck with your head to be gone to another dimension for an extended period of time."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled wider. "Thank you both for your concern. I am happier than I have ever been." He said, looking back at Dean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaia and Alex both grinned back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sat back and watched as Cas caught up with everyone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jody told him all about her work at the homeless shelter. "I would like to see that." Cas said. "I have some experience with shelters, you know. I was homeless for some time." Jody had smiled and told him to let her know when.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Donna told Cas about her moving in with Jody. She was working in a bakery. "Me? Around all those carbs. Temptation central."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jody had kissed her. "You are perfect just the way you are." She said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, they parted with promises to visit soon. As they said goodbye, Dean was once again struck by this crazy little family they had built. Whatever came next, it was nice to know they wouldn't do it alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Come on, blue eyes." Dean said. "I promised we would get dinner."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The night before before the Summit probably should have been tense. Typically, when you had the most powerful beings in the universe coming to your place, you would expect some anxiety. But nobody seemed to be particularly concerned. For the first time in a long time, nobody was trying to kill them. There wasn't some big, horrible curse hanging over their heads. They were together and safe. That counted for a lot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dinner was takeout. They had ordered Italian. A little place downtown where Dean had promised to take Cas to "on a real date" once everything was settled. They ate pasta and bread and these little fried raviolis that melted in your mouth. There were a lot of minor (and not so minor) irritations that came with being human, but the ability to taste food was definitely one of the benefits. Even if it was a challenge to eat with one hand. Dean held the other hand and he couldn’t bring himself to withdraw from the contact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas thought of all the times he had watched Dean enjoy food. It was one of the few times he let his guard down and let himself enjoy something without guilt. Maybe Cas would learn to cook so that he could make Dean happy like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So,” Sam said, “I have been thinking.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not a great sign.” Dean joked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not bad. I just have been thinking . . .” he looked at Eileen who nodded supportively, “we have been thinking that now that you have Cas back and now that the monsters aren’t a problem, maybe we should consider getting our own place after the Summit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked at Dean, trying to read his response. It made sense, practically speaking. The Bunker was big enough for them all to co-exist, but most humans did not live with their siblings and their romantic partners at the same time. The last few days had been comfortable. Nice. But Sam and Eileen probably wanted something a little more conventional. That being said, Dean had lived with his brother most of their lives. He wasn’t sure whether this change would be too abrupt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled. “Yeah, I sort of figured you wanted to get out of here. Find yourselves a place with a boring picket fence or something. I haven’t had the chance to talk to Cas about it now that he is on this side of the living, but I was thinking we might go on a trip. Somewhere South. Just me, my angel, my dog and my Baby.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam let out a breath, clearly relieved. “Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked him. “Really. Sammy, I want you to be happy. You have done more than enough by helping me get through the past year. Just don’t go too far away. Promise me that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam nodded. He smiled at Eileen who was grinning at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How bout it, Cas? You up for a vacation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never had a vacation.” Cas said. He realized it was true. Angels didn’t get time off. They served the will of Heaven at all times. And the last few years hadn’t exactly been conducive to rest and relaxation. “I’d like to try it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean brought his hand up and kissed his knuckles. “I don’t know that I have ever had one either. Certainly not a real one. Something to try together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any idea what you want to do after that?” Sam asked. “I mean, I know you haven’t really had time to think about it, but I was just curious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean shrugged. "No clue." He smiled at Cas, repeating his words from the other night.  “But we have time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>******************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Later, when they got to Dean's room, something changed. Dean seemed nervous. He was pacing about the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean, what's wrong? Are you worried about the Summit?" Cas asked. "I do not believe we will be in any danger, but I can go over everything with Sam again in the morning."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No." Dean said, running his hand through his hair. "Sorry, I . . . ." He walked over to the bed and pulled something out from under it. A bag from The Hot Topical. "It's stupid. I just got you you little something. Charlie said I should. To show you I care." He said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas's heart fluttered. "Dean. You got me a present?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah. I mean, it's no big deal. I just wanted to do something for you. And it's not anything big."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas held out his hands. "I am sure I will love it." He smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shit. I should have wrapped it." Dean said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas wanted to wrap </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> up in his arms, but he settled for reaching out and grabbing Dean's hand. "Dean. You got me a present. How many presents do you think I got in my entire life before you? In hundreds of millions of years?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean's green eyes cleared and he looked at Cas. "How many?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"None. Angels don't get presents. Whatever this is, I already love it." Cas replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean let out a breath and surrendered the bag. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas felt a thrill as he opened the bag. Inside were a blue shirt and soft gray fleece pants. The pants had small, round cartoon angels, each with blue eyes, fluffy white wings, a golden halo and a trenchcoat. The shirt said Sleep Like an Angel. There was a halo over the S, and soft, pillowy clouds under the words. He grinned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"They are based on the Supernatural books. The angel is supposed to be you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas laughed. "He is very cute."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I mean, I know you sleep naked and, believe me, I don't want that to change. But you always have to borrow my pajamas to go to the bathroom or the kitchen and I thought you might like your own. Even if Sam and Eileen leave. You know. It gets cold."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas kissed Dean. "I love them." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled broadly. "Yeah?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled back. "Yeah." He kept the fact that they were entirely inaccurate to himself. After all, angels don't sleep and his wings look nothing like that. They were absolutely nonsensical, which made them even better to Cas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I will wear them with pride." Cas said. Then he kissed Dean again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did not wear them, proudly or not, until much later that night.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Your honor, I love them all and just want them to be happy. The next chapter will return you or previously scheduled plot, but I hope you enjoyed this little interlude. </p><p>A word on Patience. I liked her as a character but hated that she got thrown out, so I head canon that she worked it out and got to go home at some point. I am not writing her out because I don't like her. I am writing her out because I do and I want her to be happy too. I tried to work it in, but it didn't flow.</p><p>Drop a comment!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Everyone arrives for the Summit. Jack is thrilled to see his dads. Dean is less thrilled to realize he will be spending the afternoon with his boyfriend and two of his exes. </p><p>Crowley is snarky. Rowena is conniving. Jack is confused. Its an extended frenemy and family reunion. Who could ask for anything more?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don't think there is anything too bad in this one, but let me know if I missed it. Always happy to add a CW</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jack arrived first. He was dressed in a suit. To Sam, he looked more like a kid getting ready for Homecoming than an all-powerful being. Intellectually, he knew Jack was different. Changed by the absorption of power. He was God now. But Sam still saw the sweet, confused kid who didn't want to use a fake ID to buy booze. He had no idea what the proper protocol was, so he bowed his head slightly in deference.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shouldn't have bothered. Jack wrapped each of them in a big hug, eyes shining with emotion. "I've missed you so much." He said, looking around the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amara stood awkwardly to the side. "I am just going to go, um, do a thing." She said and walked away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack looked at them. "I am glad you will be here." He told them, a bit of uncertainty peaking through. Then he brightened. "Oh, Bobby says hi. Actually, he says 'don't screw this up, ya idjits.'"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam laughed, but sobered at the thought of Bobby. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Their Bobby. </span>
  </em>
  <span>"He's happy? I mean . . . He's okay?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack smiled serenely. "He spends his days with Karen and Rufus in the Roadhouse. He is content. He misses you, but he told me to tell you he doesn't want to see either of you any time soon."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam smiled. He looked over at Dean, who nodded at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You ready for this?" Dean asked, voice thick with emotion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack shrugged. "I don't have any other ideas, so I guess I have to be. I can't leave it like it is."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, Chuck really screwed it all up, didn't he?" Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack sighed. "Yep. He really did." Jack smiled tightly. "Ready?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They nodded. His face became a mask. He looked regal. Older. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He flicked a wrist and the first portal opened. Rowena glided through, the picture of grace, trailed by Bela. Rowena lifted her arms and twirled theatrically. Sam couldn't suppress a grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hello, Boys." Rowena drew out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bela smiled and nodded to everyone. "Bela." Dean said, his voice hitching slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean, you look well."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled. "You too. Um, this is Cas. Castiel."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She grinned, looking slightly feral. "Ah yes, the famous angel. A pleasure."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Samuel, you filthy little liar." Rowena said next to her. "Just a protection spell now and then?" She mimicked his voice. "These wards are elegant." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam felt himself beam proudly. He had worked hard on them. "I may have designed them myself." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, don't just stand there, my boy. Show us around." Rowena said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam hesitated. He knew better than to trust Rowena with any real secrets. He tried to think through the ways she might use the knowledge against them. She might break the wards. Let in her army. Use them in some way. There would be an immense amount of power in the bunker, and he knew Rowena well enough to know that she would use that to her advantage if given half a chance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeing his hesitation, Rowena sighed dramatically. "You don't have to tell me how you did the wards. I just want a look around. And perhaps a drink. I suppose I'll settle for the drink."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam looked at Eileen. She shrugged. "Come on then." He said, and led them out the door.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>*******</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Say, do you get packages delivered to the bunker?" Rowena asked as they walked away. "Perhaps I could have Amazon deliver to your place and you could just pop the packages into a portal."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean watched them walk away, feeling only a small pull of guilt. He wished Bela hadn't hidden the truth. Wished they could have saved her. He hadn't lied, though. She looked good. Seemed happy enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was just him, Cas and Jack. He took a breath. He should really tell the kid. "Jack, listen, there's something you should know."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You have my undivided attention Dean." He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean blinked. "Right. Um. Cas and I. We're together."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know." Jack said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You . . .? Were you spying on us?" Dean suppressed a shudder. He and Cas had definitely done some things last night that Jack wasn't old enough to see. I mean, yeah, he was God, but a man had to have some privacy. Especially from his kid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack tilted his head. "I was not spying on you, Dean. I am confused. Of course you are together. I sent Cas back so you could be together."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, so that was it. The kid wasn't getting it. "Ok. I see now. We are </span>
  <em>
    <span>romantically </span>
  </em>
  <span>together."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack stared at him as if waiting for something else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"See, when a man and another man really like each other . . . ."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas put his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Dean." He said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack looked between them. "Yes. I know that bit. You were reunited."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas laughed. Dean looked at him in confusion. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What the hell. </span>
  </em>
  <span>"Jack, did you think we were romantically together before?" Cas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Jack was the one who looked confused. "You weren’t?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What? No we weren't together." Dean said. Why was he defensive. He liked being together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack looked between them. "But you were an angel, Cas. Did you not feel the love radiating off of Dean? He loved you so deeply, it was like a prayer emanating from him all the time. How could you not feel it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I thought he loved me like a brother." Cas said. He sounded resigned and slightly embarrassed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack looked at Dean. "Didn't you see the way he looked at you? He stared at you with such affection. Such longing"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now it was Dean's turn to feel slightly embarrassed. "I didn't think he could possibly love me that way. He's an angel. Plus he is like 400 million years old. I didn’t think he would be interested in me. Besides, it wasn't like he dated a bunch or even flirted with people. I didn't think he was into, um, all of that stuff."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Because I was in love with you, Dean." Cas said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked at Cas. He was smiling fondly. Something cracked in him. Some bit of hesitation melted. He began laughing. So did Cas. He pulled him close and kissed him, breaking the kiss with another laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They looked at Jack. He was grinning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, I'm glad you figured it out." Jack said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena's voice came around the corner, followed by Bela, Amara, Sam and Eileen. "Figured what out, then?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Cas and Dean are together. Romantically." Jack supplied as she walked into the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena clapped her hands. "Ah, finally."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean threw his hands in the air. "So everybody knew? And nobody thought to tell us?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What did you think I was talking about last time you visited me, dearie?" Rowena scoffed. "I told you two to fix it. It isn't my fault you both have thick skulls."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I tried to tell you, too.” Amara reminded Dean. “I tried to give you what you needed to let the love out. The love you felt that was cloaked in shame. I tried to get you to accept your life. Accept your feelings.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean stared at her in shock. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Was that what she was trying to do? Bringing Mom back probably wasn't the best way to do that. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas leaned forward and grumbled in his ear, "we got there eventually." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled and leaned into him. "Damn right we did." He said, taking his hand and squeezing it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jack opened the third portal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, boys.” said a voice. Dean’s head swiveled to see Crowley, leaning up against a chair. The Empty, still Meg-shaped in appearance, was standing next to him. They looked slightly bored and irritated to be here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fergus!” Rowena exclaimed. Her face went through something like ten emotions, before settling into her standard cool, calm demeanor. “I don’t blame The Empty for bringing you along. I wouldn’t want to leave you alone to cause a ruckus either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Mother. You are looking surprisingly well. How did you manage to obtain an invitation to this auspicious event?” He saw Bela standing beside her and a look of recognition crossed his face. “Bela. My favorite pain in the ass. Did you manage to overtake all of the demons and sit yourself on the throne after all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bela smirked. “Actually, it’s your mother seated on the throne. I am just her lowly consort.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crowley’s eyebrows shot up. “So, does that make you my step-mommy? Because there are some interesting videos on the internet you might enjoy about stepmoms and their stepsons.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena looked between them. “Bela, you didn’t . . . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bela laughed. “I’m not his type. I heard he was more into cowboys.” She looked pointedly at Dean who looked away, embarrassed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I have been known to enjoy a good rodeo from time to time." Crowley said, eyeing Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas put a possessive hand on Dean’s shoulder. "Shut your mouth</span>
  <span>, Crowley." He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crowley frowned looking between them. “Oh.” he said. “Finally figured that out, did you?” He looked slightly disappointed, but then he pasted on a lascivious grin and looked at Dean.  "Ah well, we had some fun, didn't we? You aren't nearly as interesting as a human anyway."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean rolled his eyes. “Sorry.” he muttered at Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have nothing to apologize for, Dean.” Cas said reassuringly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now that my love life has been settled,” Dean said, “what ARE you doing here, Crowley?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Empty has asked that I join in negotiations. I trust that won’t be a problem.” Crowley replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a problem and a distraction, which was probably what The Empty was counting on, but Dean just shrugged. “Hey, the more, the merrier, right? I am sure your dear mother is happy to see your smiling face again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked at Rowena, who rolled her eyes. "Ah yes, one big happy family." She put on a brave face, but he expected there was more truth to that statement than she would admit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mother, dearest." Crowley said. "You must tell me how you managed to get your greedy little hands on my throne. That would mean you had to die permanently. I thought you were too mean to kill."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena looked away. "I may have sacrificed myself to close a portal to Hell."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crowley laughed sharply. "You?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, me. All of the souls from Hell were loose. What else was I supposed to do?" She spit at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wait, did you do it for the Winchesters? You did, didn't you. Mother, did you die of . . . what did you call it?.  . . . Winchester Derangement Syndrome?" He was smirking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena rolled her eyes. "No." She sighed.  "Maybe. But it worked out, didn't it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One more to go.” Jack broke in. “And here she comes.”</span>
</p><p><span>He opened the final portal and Eve strolled in, wearing head to toe black leather. She looked intimidating. And, Dean admitted quietly to himself, hot. Benny strode in behind her. </span><em><span>Seriously? Who did I piss off to deserve this? I am trapped in a room with my boyfriend and two of my exes. </span></em><span>He</span> <span>looked at Sam, who was smirking at him over Eileen's head. Dean glared at him in warning. </span></p><p>
  <span>"Benny." Cas said. "I didn't know you would be coming." Dean squeezed Cas’s hand, hoping that the parade of exes wouldn't bother him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eve looked at Cas. “Why would he not come? He is my child after all. And he brought you to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have a hierarchy? People who serve you?” Cas asked, confused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eve shrugged. “All my children serve me and I serve them. I have no favorites.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eve walked up to Jack. “You must be the one who took down Chuck." She assessed him cooly. "You are a child."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack shrugged. "And yet, I am fixing the mistakes of a being whose age is probably incalculable,  so I guess age isn't the only thing that matters." His tone was soft but unmistakably firm. Dean felt a surge of pride. The kid spoke with such confidence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She raised an eyebrow at him. "Mmm." Was all she said. Dean couldn’t tell if it was approval, but at least she hadn't threatened him with her army of monsters, so he guessed that was a win.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shall we begin?" Jack asked.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>OK, so next chapter will be more serious, but I really enjoyed some silliness as everyone came together. It may take some extra time, but I am really excited about it. It's got some emotional impact, some nerdy academia and some heart. </p><p>I was inspired by this post for Jack’s reaction.https://iamnotmereally.tumblr.com/post/640019511787012096/jack-listening-to-what-happened-after-saving-cas I love the idea that Jack would assume that Dean and Cas were together because they so obviously love each other. I also have had a lot of fun, obviously, with the idea that everyone knew because they were so obvious. </p><p>Rowena and Crowley was a reunion I was looking forward to. I love them and their bitchiness towards one another.</p><p>Drop a comment!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Summit begins, but it doesn't go as smoothly as Jack had hoped. Sam tries the scholarly approach. Dean is more practical. All Cas knows is that he falls firmly into team 'Fuck John Winchester." Round it out with a dash of humor and a helping of emotional angst.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: this one gets a bit heavy/emotional. Discussions of past abuse (including implied sexual assault) and violence. </p><p>This is a long one as is the next one. So settle in, y'all. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They separated into different areas of the table. Jack and Amara represented Heaven. Rowena and Bela, hell. The Empty sat with Crowley to represent their interests. Eve and Benny represented Purgatory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a small disagreement when Sam and Dean sat for Earth together with Cas and Eileen. Crowley tried to argue that they were being given too many representatives. He tried to push for one brother and one guest. Otherwise, they were overrepresented. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack shut that down, reminding Crowley that he had the ultimate say on everything. "You are all here as a courtesy. I value your input, but I am the one who controls everything. I have left you each in control of your respective worlds, and I intend to do so in the future, but make no mistake that I do not have to."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crowley had not seemed particularly cowed by this. Cas thought he must be testing the waters. Trying to see whether Jack could be pushed around. He recognized the tactic from his days dealing with the infighting among the angels. Cas felt a surge of pride that Jack had handled the challenge so well. He seemed more confident than a week ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s begin.” Jack said. “I thought we would start by talking about how humans are judged because I think it will help us with the rest of the conversation. We can’t figure out how to sort everyone unless we know how humans are going to be sorted. Apparently, there have been a few metrics over the years, but all of them have had their problems.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam jumped in, clearly eager. “I took some philosophy and theology classes at Stanford. It might be helpful. Let’s see, um, there was utilitarianism. That was the idea that you should do the thing that benefits the most people. We should put the good of the many over the good of the few.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s dumb.” broke in Dean. “What if the majority of people involved are assholes. Like, the time I killed Hitler. The people who knew I killed Hitler were Nazis. So, what? Killing Hitler was bad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam sighed. “Well, that’s not exactly how it works. Killing Hitler may have prevented future suffering, which does have value depending on which brand of utilitarianism you are talking about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, but what if the thing that makes most people happy is something that requires you to do something bad? Like, how many times have we been asked to kill each other to avoid an apocalypse? We always find another way.” Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Sam agreed. “So that sort of raises the Trolley Problem.” Cas could feel the discussion getting away from them. The Empty looked bored out of their mind and Eve had started doodling. From what he could see, she was designing a new monster. He wondered briefly what Dean would name this one, if she ever had the chance to create it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam, do you think this is going to be the winning philosophy? Because I think we might be getting off topic here.” Cas offered quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam sighed. “You are right. I don’t think so. There is also, um, deontology. Basically, you have rules and a duty to follow them. I think that is probably as close to the Biblical system as you get. At least the Old Testament, right? You have the Ten Commandments.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Hitler? Thou shalt not kill shouldn’t apply to Hitler.” Dean asked again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam gave him a look. “Dean, can we skip over Hitler for a moment?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack cut in. “I think that that is the system the angels tried to implement, but it wasn’t really effective. When you add up everyone’s sins and weigh them against their good acts, you don’t always get a fair result. The angels didn’t really know how to weigh each item, so eating bacon was as bad as killing someone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d better not be sending every person who eats bacon my way.” Rowena cut in. “As much as the additional soul power would really light everything up, good people would ruin what we have going down in Hell. We’d have to start flaying again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is your system, mother, if I may be so bold as to ask?” Crowley asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “You’d actually love it. It’s rather brilliant, if I say so myself. I just let the humans make each other miserable. A little interference here and there is all it takes. I got the idea from you. I liked what you did with the place, I simply tweaked it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crowley nodded with something bordering on respect. “Ok, so we agree that simply keeping track of the rules being broken doesn’t work. What if the actions were weighted? You know: negative 10 points for bacon, negative 1,000 points for killing someone other than Hitler.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even if we said some things were worth more points, I am not sure it gets us where we want to be. I mean, Dean has a point. Sometimes, breaking the rules is the right thing to do.” Cas offered, thinking of his own rebellion. “We wouldn’t be here if we followed Chuck’s rules.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded. “Sometimes we do bad things for good reasons. Like killing Hitler.” Jack acknowledged. Dean smiled. “And sometimes we do bad things because we don’t have any other option.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas felt Dean tense beside him. “And besides, that isn’t fair. Some people have nice, easy lives. Meanwhile, some people have to steal food so they don’t starve.” He looked down, clearly remembering something terrible from his childhood. Cas's heart lurched. “And sometimes we have to do things we aren’t proud of. Things we don’t want to do. Things that make us feel dirty no matter how many times we shower. To take care of our family. To make sure they don’t go hungry.” Dean’s voice was thick with emotion. "You know," he forced a laugh, "stuff like that."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas felt rage rise up in this chest. Rage and righteous anger. “WHERE IS JOHN WINCHESTER?” he spit out, his voice shocking even him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone looked at him in surprise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack replied. “Last I heard, he is in his own Heaven with Mary. Neither of them has opted to break down the walls. Not yet anyway. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because, whatever we decide here, whatever grand philosophy we settle on, had better end with that man far, far away from Heaven.” Cas replied angrily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas.” Dean said quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, after what he did to you, he is lucky I don’t go up there right now and tear his soul into tiny shreds with my full, natural form.” Cas said, seething with rage. He felt a holy wrath the likes of which he had not experienced for centuries. This man had abused Dean. Had abandoned him. Had tried to use him as a perfect instrument of his own desires, with little to no care for the child he hurt in the process. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas couldn’t tell if Dean was angry or comforted by Cas’s outburst. “Wait, you can do that?” Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I . . . maybe?” Cas said. He felt himself cooling down slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is all well and good.” Eve broke in. “But you are wasting my time. My children are happy. I don’t need all this complicated discussion of humans and their natures. My little monsters have needs and instincts. Purgatory lets them be themselves. No complications. No interference from humans. Just give me some extra power and we will be good to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean, already tense, turned on her. “Oh, you think that’s so, huh?” He asked angrily. “Maybe you should look again, Eve.” He said. “Some of your monsters don’t want to be monsters, did that ever occur to you? Maybe they don’t fit into the nice little box you made for them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She waved a hand. “Human influences. Those fade after time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean growled. “What about the Rougarous?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny sucked in a breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about them?” Eve asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are human. They never changed. They don’t want to be trapped in your never ending world of death and despair.” He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what about the ones who loved humans but were turned before they died? What about the vampires and werewolves who choose not to kill? They are trapped in your world, forced to kill over and over.” Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That cannot be true. They would have come to me if that were true. You just don't understand them.” Eve said confidently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas sighed. He remembered the times he had expressed doubts with his fellow angels. He cringed at the memories of being re-programmed, half obscured in his mind. “Would you have listened?” he asked heatedly. “Would you have given them what they wanted? Or would you have considered them flawed? Broken? Would you have turned them? Upped their aggression the next time you remade them? Wiped their memories so they would be more like you designed them to be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eve glared at him. “It’s what they are. It’s their nature. They are built for this. If it weren’t for the influence of indecisive humans, they would be happy. I can make them happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beside her, Benny looked despondent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can see you have a lot to talk about here, but I just want to sleep.” The Empty cut in. “Maybe I should just head back home. Jack, if you could just put everyone back to sleep, you can just send additional souls my way . . . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what? Everyone who is there can just spend eternity being tortured by your nightmares?” Sam asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Empty shrugged. “That was Chuck’s doing. He wanted the beings he sent there to suffer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously?” Sam asked. “And you went along with it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The table erupted into fighting, everyone accusing the other of having it all wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“THAT’S ENOUGH!” yelled Jack. Everyone froze. Literally. Jack stopped everyone’s movement and voices. He released them. “You know, I asked you here to help me make a better system and all you can do is fight.” Jack was glowing. It was so bright that Cas could barely look at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amara placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Maybe a break?” she offered quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Everyone take a break. There are plenty of rooms in the bunker, so spread out. We all have a lot to think about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean stormed off halfway through Jack’s words. Cas frowned after him, wondering exactly how badly he had screwed up this time and whether Dean would forgive him. He shouldn’t have spoken about John. He knew Dean loved the man, despite the abuse and manipulation. He had been overcome by the image of his Dean, poor and defenseless and broken. Forgotten by the man whose primary responsibility should have been to safeguard him. And now that man sat in Heaven, rewarded with the opportunity to relive the memories he had chased at the cost of his own sons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas sighed. This couldn’t be about John Winchester. It had to be about Dean. Dean needed his support, not his condemnation. Cas rose and headed down the hall to find Dean and hopefully fix his error.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean slammed the door open to his room. His heart was beating through his chest. He swallowed, trying to push down his guilt. He had all but condemned his father to Hell with his silence, and yet, paired with the guilt was overwhelming relief. Relief that somebody thought he deserved better. Relief that, if he managed to make it to Heaven, it wouldn’t be in the shadow of his father. The relief triggered another round of guilt. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He was my father. He was Dad. He made me who I am. He taught us to protect ourselves. I should be grateful for what he gave me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to remember something happy. Something good his father had done. He had done his best, right? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Like he did with Adam? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Adam who went to baseball games and had birthday presents and got to stay with his stable, loving parent? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Pain sliced through his heart. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Well, it isn’t like that worked out so well for Adam. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dean tried to remind himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A memory of a long ago truckstop bubbled to the surface. A large man throwing him against a wall. The smell of his sweat. The feel of the man’s body pressed against him. Dean’s only thought as he waited to die that the money he had earned that night wouldn’t get to Sam. That nobody would be there to protect Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dam broke open. Memories of faked smiles as he told Sam “I’m not hungry” rose unbidden in his mind. The memory of a night in some sad, moldy motel room, Dean’s face swollen and aching. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t leave this room, boy, or I’ll make your other eye match the first.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> John had said as he staggered out the door. Sam had stroked his hair the way Dean always stroked Sam’s. He had tried to say he was too old for it, but it had felt nice to be taken care of for once. Sam had been rambling about some story he had read. Dean had let him talk while he wondered what would happen if he killed his old man. Scene after scene played through his mind, and not one good memory. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was a lie. He had good memories with Sam. Memories of laughing late at night while watching TV. Sneaking away to shoot fireworks. A snowball fight in some random town up north. The time they had found some abandoned matchbox cars under the bed at a motel. His brother giving him a candy bar from the vending machine for his birthday, pride shining in his eyes. Whispering so they didn’t wake up their father, passed out on the bed, about what they would do when they grew up. How they would be the best hunters in the entire world. A team. Dean smiled sadly. He supposed they had actually managed that one. He wondered what their younger counterparts would think of them now. They had survived. Their childhood and so much more. They were more than what had happened to them.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A knock came at the open door. “Dean. Can I come in?” Cas asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean turned to look at the man who had shown him there was another way. Shown him he was more than the broken tool John Winchester had tossed aside over and over. Cas was staring at him, his eyes shining. “Dean, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Especially in front of everyone. I should have talked to you before I . . . .” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean kissed him with everything he had. He ran his hand through Cas’s hair and pulled him in closer, trying to show Cas exactly how much his love meant. A choked sob escaped his lips. He pulled away, breathless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” said Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were right.” Dean said. “Maybe he had good intentions. Maybe he meant well. Maybe he DID do his best. And maybe there was a time when he was a good man. But the man I knew . . . . Sammy deserved better.” His stomach dropped out. He looked into Cas’s blue eyes and took a leap of faith. Let himself believe what he wanted so desperately to be true. “And so did I.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt good to say it. He wasn’t sure he believed it yet. Wasn’t sure he would ever truly believe it. But he wanted to be good enough to deserve better. Dean felt Cas’s arms wrap around him. He let himself be held, pressing his face into Cas’s neck and feeling his warmth. He let himself go, just for a moment. Let the guilt and the sadness and the bad memories melt away. Let the feeling of pure love wash over him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-hem.” Sam said, clearing his throat. “Should I come back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked at Cas and nodded slightly. “I wanted to go check on Jack anyway.” Cas said, smiling encouragingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam walked in and sat down on the chair next to Dean’s bed. Dean felt a rush of emotion looking at him. “Hey, man. Remember that time you bought me a candy bar for my birthday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam smiled sadly. “I think I actually got it for free from the vending machine. It was one of the old machines where you could sometimes get a free candybar if you hit it just right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled. “Still. Best birthday present I got for a long time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam smiled sadly. “Dean. I know you sacrificed a lot for me growing up . . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was my job, Sammy. Had to look out for my little brother.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam wiped his hands on his face. “It wasn’t, though.” he said guiltily. “I knew . . . some of what you went through, but I didn’t know . . . I’m sorry, Dean. I’m sorry you had to do things you didn’t want to so that you could protect me. Things that you were ashamed of.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean tried to brush it off. “It’s not your fault, Sam. It was never your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam stood. “No. But that doesn’t mean I’m not sorry it happened. Sorry I couldn’t help you with that burden. Dean, you were my only parent. You took care of me. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked at his brother, towering over him. “You grew up into a good kid, Sam. I am proud of you. And come on, we have taken care of each other over the years. You took care of me for the last year. It’s what we do. I may have done some things I wasn’t proud of, but I never regretted them. Because I did it. I kept you safe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam let out a breath and hugged him. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a moment, Dean pulled away and slapped Sam on the back. “Come on, we have to go re-work the entire universe.” he said. “Plus, we have to keep an eye on my boyfriend in case he decides to become a chrysler-building-sized wrecking machine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam stopped and looked at him. “Are you . . . into that? You are. You’re smiling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean grinned. “No. Yes. Maybe. Shut up, Sam. I just think it’s nice that my boyfriend would tear down whole cities without breaking a sweat if I asked. I’d like to see Eileen do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam grinned back. “Hey, she is pretty tough, I wouldn’t try her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>****************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rowena, Bela and Crowley recessed to the kitchen, or more specifically the whiskey. The Empty was, unsurprisingly, sitting in a dark room. It was the first time that Crowley had felt any sense of freedom since waking up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crowley took a sip, feeling the burn in the back of his throat. He let out a breath. “Mmmmm. It’s been awhile since I got a good drink.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena smiled wryly. “Yes, I suppose there isn’t much of that to be had in The Empty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crowley tried to suppress his memories of the last few . . . months? Years? It felt like forever. “No, just bad memories. Luckily, I was the King of Hell. Lots to choose from. Keeps me entertained. I don’t get stuck in the same memories over and over.” He said it with his usual bravado, but Rowena narrowed her eyes reading the distress lying below the surface.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fergus . . . .” she started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, Mother, we don’t need to pretend.” Crowley said quickly. “You and I don’t have any love lost between us.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A look passed across her face. If he didn’t know better, it might have been regret. He did know better, though. His mother had never loved him. Or if she had, the love had faded long ago. The look was gone, Perhaps he had imagined it. “Yes. You’re right, Fergus. Still, as your not-loving mother I have to ask: what happens next for you? After the Summit? I cannot imagine you didn’t make some sort of deal with The Empty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, so that was it. Worried about her position in Hell. “Don’t worry, Mother. I did make a deal, but I have no interest in recovering my prior position in Hell. All anyone ever did was bitch and moan. Bother me with every little problem. I am looking to retire. Maybe travel the country singing karaoke and tempting humans. Nothing fancy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bela smirked. “Karaoke and hookups, eh? Why does that sound familiar?” She lifted an eyebrow. He rolled his eyes. Demons were really the worst gossips. Bela got up to get another drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena, meanwhile, looked relieved by his words. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Probably doesn't want the challenge to her authority.  </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Well, I am happy to hear you have a plan.” she said. “I wasn’t looking to have you move back into the nest. I am quite happy with things as they are.” She looked at Bela almost tenderly, despite the fact that her back was turned. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Interesting. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Crowley thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bela sat back down, reaching out to take Rowena’s hand. She seemed to remember herself and dropped it just as fast. Crowley pretended not to have noticed. “Bela, have you ever told my mother about the time you got the two demons to pretend they were married to win a bet?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “I had forgotten about that. It all started one night when some of the Crossroads Demons were bragging about how easy it was to outsmart humans . . . .”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eve followed Benny into the room, slamming the door behind her. His senses were on high alert, his fangs pressing against his tongue. His body was ready to fight, but his brain knew better. Eve would squash him like a mosquito. He fought for control, pulling in a deep breath. His teeth retracted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned to Eve. She was flushed with anger. "Can you believe the nerve of that man? Thinking he can speak for my children. Thinking he knows anything. He . . . ." She trailed off staring at Benny.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She narrowed her eyes, reading his face. "Do you agree with him?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny looked down. "I . . . ." He took a breath. Eve called herself their mother, and she was. She had made them. But she was also not so far from the monsters she created. Not cruel, but hard. Bloodthirsty. Hungry. Benny knew there was more than a small chance that she would kill the messenger. She would tear him up and eat out his heart. Then she would decide not to remake him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought of Remy. He could practically hear him humming "Mon Coeur T'Appelle" under his breath as he built a fire. He thought about how his eyes shined when telling a joke. How they darkened with desire when Benny whispered to him in the night. Thought about his soft hair and his rough cheeks, perpetually covered in light stubble. His perfect lips. Made for smiling and kissing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean had made Benny want to be better. Loving Remy had transformed him. Had brought in cursed hope. Hope for the future in a world that held no future. Eve could not eat his heart out, for his heart was in Purgatory. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You hesitate." Eve said quietly. "You agree with what he said." She looked at him. He felt the instinct to hide under her scrutiny, but he held fast. "It is not just the human influence, is it? Their corruption? Your instinct is still there. Your hunger. Your bloodlust. You could tear through this bunker. But you do not and you do not want to. Why? What is that I feel?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at her eyes. "Love. I love a Rougarou. One who did not change. And if I give in to the hunger, I might destroy what I love."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Your love. It is stronger than the hunger." She sounded surprised. Shocked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why didn't you tell me?" Eve asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held her gaze, despite the desire to look anywhere else. Felt her full attention upon him. "I did not want to seem ungrateful. And I was scared."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eve looked away. "I see."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny took in a breath, relaxing slightly now that he was not pinned by her gaze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What is it that you want? What would you ask of me?" She looked him in the eyes again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny felt himself tense up again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mon coeur. </span>
  </em>
  <span>"I would not ask for myself. Could not. But him? He does not belong in Purgatory. As you say, I feel the hunger. The need. But he does not. He gets no pleasure from killing others." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eve narrowed her eyes. "You would lie to me again? You doubt my love for you? I am your mother and I would see you happy. So, I ask again. What do you want?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny swallowed. It was a risk. She might feel rejected. She might be angry. But he would never get what he wanted if he did not ask now. "I want a life with him. Somewhere safe. Where we can be happy. Where we do not have to fight. A little place on the water that feels like home."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She cocked her head to the side. "And your Rougarou? He wants this too?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny nodded silently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And there are others like you?" She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I believe so, yes." Benny replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thank you for telling me." She said quietly. "You may leave me now."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny let out a breath. He slipped out the door and laid his face on the cool wall. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That was either the smartest or the dumbest thing I have ever done. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Only time would tell.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>****************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam found Amara already seated at the table along with Eileen. Curled up in Amara’s lap was a small, fluffy, black puppy.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that a puppy?” Sam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amara grinned. “Do you like her? I created her myself. I think I will call her ‘Midnight’ or possibly ‘Achlys.’ I haven’t decided yet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen smiled apologetically. “She met Miracle when I went to walk him, and she decided she wanted a dog of her own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amara was smiling at the puppy. “Isn’t she cute?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam looked at Eileen helplessly. He had no idea what how to process Amara, The Darkness, with a tiny puppy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Congratulations.” he said. “She is really cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amara beamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything okay?” Eileen signed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. It’s good. We are good.” Sam replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean walked in and sat down next to them. He leaned over to Sam and whispered. “Is that a . . . .?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yup.” Sam replied. “A puppy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded uncertainly and leaned back. “Cool.” he said under his breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jack was seated with his head in his hands on the bed. He was in his old room. The one he used before he had moved to Heaven. Back when things were . . . well, it was never simple, was it? His life had always been complicated. But there had been a time when they had been happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What the hell am I doing? </span>
  </em>
  <span> Jack thought. He waited for an answer out of habit before remembering that Amara wasn’t in there anymore. He had left her sitting at the table. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe she would be better suited for this. Maybe anyone would. I AM a child. Eve was right. What the hell do I know about governing the universe?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He stood and began to pace. He had to get it together. A knock came at the door. Jack thought about telling them to go away so that he could have more time to think, but he knew that he could take an eternity and he still wouldn’t have the answers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas was on the other side of the door. “Can I come in?” He asked. Jack stepped aside and Cas entered, standing in front of Jack, eyebrows drawn in worry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay?” Cas asked, head tilting to the side in concern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack tried to summon some bravado. He opened his mouth to say this was all part of the process, but nothing came out. Instead, he felt tears leak from his eyes.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas pulled him in and gave him a hug. “Hey, Jack, it’s okay. This is tough. If it was easy, Chuck would not have messed it up so badly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack sniffled slightly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Very dignified for a deity. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He told himself. He pulled back and threw himself down on the chair. “I have to come up with something.” he said. "I called everyone here."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas sighed. He looked around the room. “I wish I had an answer for you. The truth is that life is messy. Humans are doubly so. Sometimes, I still don’t understand them entirely. They are complicated and stubborn and confusing and infuriating.” He smiled fondly. “And yet, they are capable of such love, such beauty, such tenderness.” He looked at Jack. “I don’t know how you create a system that can measure that. I wish I did.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded slowly. “Me too.”Jack made a face. “I am not sure I ever know if what I am doing is the right thing. I know I have done the wrong thing. A lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked at him sadly. “Jack . . . .” Cas sat on the bed. “I was God once, you know. Well, sort of. I had the power to judge. And I made mistakes. Lots of them. It is not always easy to know how to do the right thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was quiet for a moment. “Do you think this is why Chuck gave up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas sighed. “Honestly? I wish I could say that because then he would have understood and cared at some point. Looking back at everything, I don’t think he ever understood what he had created. I don’t think he understood that there WAS something beyond his own understanding of what he created. He could never imagine a world in which I fell in love with Dean. We fell in love with each other. He couldn’t conceive of a world where free will overrode his rules. He saw things as rigid. Either you went along with him or you were banished.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded. “Maybe we don’t have to have the answers. To know what people will do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked at him confused. Jack shook his head. "I think I have an idea. Let’s re-convene."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alternatively, I could have just put this post about the Trolley Problem for the chapter. </p><p>https://havenjunde.tumblr.com/post/640382577786634240 </p><p>I know the explanations of philosophy are fairly simplistic. That was on purpose both because Sam's knowledge is limited to a class a long time ago and because nobody actually wants to read a treatise on philosophy in the middle of a fan fic, but I did have a lot of fun with this. Particularly taking the typical discussion about killing baby Hitler and turning it on his head. In fairness to Dean, I would mention killing Hitler way more than he does. </p><p>I really love protective/Dad Cas. I enjoyed writing him. Cas is so even and a little bit nerdy and it's easy to forget that he is also a badass soldier. I know Dean's realizations about his father may feel a bit rushed, but I honestly believe that the process would have started with Cas's confession. The realization that he will never get what he wants and needs from his Dad is long overdue. Reassessment of his own life almost forces that journey. Loving Cas and not killing Chuck are transformative for Dean and I wanted to show that. Also, because it can't be said enough, fuck John Winchester.</p><p>Amara's puppy has plot implications but I was also being self-indulgent. Lol. </p><p>Rowena definitely does care about Crowley but it will probably be millennia before she admits it. </p><p>I am pretty happy with the Eve/Benny bits. I hope you are too. I love the idea that Eve was actually trying to do something good and that she really is maternal. She makes a good contrast to Chuck while falling into some of the same traps he did about assuming she knows what her creations want, and that their nature is dispositive. </p><p>Things are looking chaotic now, but resolution is coming. I am actually fairly happy with the draft of the next chapter and probably won't make you wait too long.  </p><p>Author's note: Mon Coeur T'Appelle (My Heart Calls for You/Aches For You), also known as J’ai Passe Devant Ta Porte (I Passed In Front Of Your Door) is probably a dark choice for a song, but I think it works for Purgatory. It's an old Cajun song about the death of the singer's love. </p><p>Drop a comment! </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jack proposes a new framework for the afterlife.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: none that I can think of, but obviously let me know if I missed something.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They sat around the table in largely the same order except Amara was pushed back slightly, stroking the puppy in her lap. Jack had been delighted by the little pup. He wondered if he should get a pet too. Maybe some fish. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The mood was calmer than when they had broken. Eve was subdued. She seemed slightly distracted. Next to her, Benny seemed lighter. Jack didn’t know him well enough to say what was different, but he was noticeably less distressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Empty seemed as happy as they ever were. They must have gotten some rest. Crowley, at their side and Bela and Rowena further down the table were all also looking much more relaxed. Jack could smell at least one reason for that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which brought him to his dads and Eileen. Dean looked resolute. As if he was ready to do battle. He held Cas's hand and projected a quiet steadiness. There had been a time that Jack might have seen it as hardness, but he knew Dean now. Knew this was his "we are going to do what it takes" face. Next to him, Cas was smiling slightly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You have this. We have you. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The prayer came through loud and clear. Jack smiled slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>To their side, Sam and Eileen looked on attentively. They also held hands and smiled at him encouragingly. Jack felt a little surge of happiness. A slight boost of confidence. He wasn't solving this alone. He didn't have to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So, I think perhaps we started off a bit wrong last time. My fault. We were trying to think of a moral framework and then apply it, rather than looking at the situation first. Practically speaking, we were thinking about things backwards. The system we put into place can't be so rigid. That was what Chuck got wrong. I mean, we are all about free will. If we make a bunch of rigid rules and try to force everyone into them, it won't work. When was the last time we followed the script? It wouldn't make sense to expect it of others." Jack said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Great, so there are no rules. Problem solved. Let's all go home, folks." Crowley said sarcastically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack sighed. "No. Well, yes. There aren't rules and it isn't a math equation. Instead, I think we need to consider why people do what they do. Did they have a good reason? Did they make a mistake but try to fix it? Like, um, say that Dean kills someone while defending Cas. That is a good act. Because he did it out of love. He was protecting the person he loved."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena made a gagging noise. "Are you saying that the answer is love? Because, I cannot be a part of a system based on" she wrinkled her nose, "</span>
  <em>
    <span>love. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It's just so . . ."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Disney princess?" Crowley supplied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack held up a hand. "No. Or at least not </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> love." He thought about Dean's father. "Love can be corrupted. It can become an obsession. It can hurt people. It can be toxic. It isn't enough to do something because you love. We should set ideals." He looked at Dean. "Sacrifice. What do you sacrifice for others? And, um . . ." he looked at Cas, "Attentiveness. Do you take time to listen and really hear people? Do you take time to teach them? Do you care about what they say?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was on a roll now. He paced behind the table. He looked at Sam. Thought about how he had prayed every day for Dean. "Loyalty and Faith. Did they stick around? Did they believe?" He looked at Eileen. "Perseverance. Did they keep going? Did they push others to keep going?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked around the room. "The question isn't: 'did this person get it right all the time? Or even most of the time?' The question is: 'what did this person do with free will? Did they use it for others or for themselves?'"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone was silent for a moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas spoke up first. "Jack, it’s good. It's really good. But how do we measure that?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack deflated slightly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit. Why didn't I think that far ahead? How do we implement it?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he could speak, Amara chimed in. "Why don't we just look at their souls?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone stared at her. "What do you mean?" Cas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Their souls. You can get all of that information in an instant from their souls. I mean, look at Dean. He has sacrificed himself so much for others that his soul is hard to even look at." She looked around the room. Everyone was staring at her with blank expressions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Amara, you can see everyone's soul?" Jack asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You . . . can't?" She asked. "Oh. It's why I was so fascinated by Dean. His soul shines very brightly."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can attest to that from when I pulled him out of Hell." Cas looked at Dean lovingly. "You have a very beautiful soul, Dean."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Cas, you can't say things like that." Dean fired off out of habit. But he smiled slightly when he said it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes I can." Cas said grinning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, you can." Dean grinned back, staring into Cas's eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ok, less of that and more of this soul business." Crowley cut in. "Amara, you mean to tell us that you can see souls and that they already respond to this system?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. "Sure. We might have to tweak the natural order a bit for the proposed system, but demon souls are dark and twisted. Human souls range from nearly Demon to brighter than Grace. Monsters, too. And angels when their grace is removed or disregarded. I thought we could all see it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Empty rolled their eyes. "So, we could just put Amara in charge and we are all good? Send the tired ones my way. We are done?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh no. I don't want to be God, thank you very much." Amara said. "I have my puppy and I want to hit Vegas." The puppy noticing she was being discussed, wagged her tail and readjusted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Amara, you can create." Jack said, looking at the puppy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeeeees." She said cautiously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned. "If you can create, you can delegate. Give this power to others. We can set limits together and you can delegate the actual work." Jack was grinning now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"To whom? Angels?" Amara asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Reapers. You can be Death." Jack said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amara smiled broadly. "I can do that."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You are going to need a lot more angels. To sort through all the souls." Cas pointed out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded. "I thought of that." He walked over to The Empty. "We need to clear everyone out that you are currently holding." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Empty opened their mouth to protest. "I did not come here so you could destroy everything I built." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack held up his hands in a placating gesture. "We have the human souls to replace them. And I suspect we will find more in Purgatory and Hell. Plus we will send back anyone released who wants to return."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crowley raised an eyebrow. "And do you think that is likely? That people will return?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded. "There will be no more dreams. No more memories. Just nothing. That will solve your other problem too. Nobody will be clamoring to leave or fighting you. They will choose you. Choose dreamless sleep."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Empty grinned. Despite the human face, there was something off about the smile. It was creepy. Otherworldly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What's the catch?" Crowley asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack frowned slightly. "It's not a catch, </span>
  <em>
    <span>per se</span>
  </em>
  <span>." Crowley made a gesture that said </span>
  <em>
    <span>on with it, Godboy</span>
  </em>
  <span>. "Ok, I don't want anything to be permanent. Everyone will have the option to rest. Everyone. Whether they are to be sent to Hell, Heaven or Purgatory. Whether they are a demon, angel or deity. But, nothing will be permanent in this system. How else can we say anyone has free will? Eternity is a long time."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crowley held up a hand. "How frequently?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We can talk about that." Jack said. "I was thinking every 100 years." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crowley turned to The Empty and spoke to them in quiet tones. He turned back around. "Every 500 years. And the sorting happens outside of The Empty in a sandbox. Souls and entities can come in whenever, but they are only pulled once every 500 years. The Empty is not disturbed. They sleep."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"250 years." Jack countered, mainly because he felt like he had to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"300." Crowley said with a slight smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Done." Jack agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's all well and good, dearie." Rowena cut in. "But what the hell am I supposed to do with all those demons? Hell is working just fine as it is."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack sat down, leaning forward. "I had some thoughts on that too. What if we created a new area? A Hell-adjacent area for demons. After all, they are just twisted souls, right? There have been cases of demons trying to do better. To be better. Rare as they are. The demons could be confined to their own version of Hell. They could choose The Empty or they might even be able to work their way up to Heaven, just like the humans. Who knows? The point is that they can try."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena screwed up her face. "Perhaps, darling, but Hell is enough for me. I don't want two sets of whining constituents." She looked at her son and her face grew thoughtful. "Perhaps someone who had some experience with demons."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crowley looked around as if he expected that his mother was talking about someone else in the room. "Me? You don't even like me. You want to cooperate on some sort of super hell with me?" He seemed shocked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smirked. "Well, better the devil you know, eh?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at her thoughtfully for a moment. Then he turned to Jack. "I suppose I could be persuaded. The perks were nice. And occasionally, the scenery was nice." He winked at Dean. Cas growled a bit under his breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"There's something else." Jack said. He honestly had no idea how this part would go over, but he couldn’t get the conversation with his Mom out of his head. How she had wanted more time. Besides, he had visited some of the individual heavens. A few of them had been so sparse that it had broken his heart. The owner had not lived long or had few happy memories. In some cases, they had even had to install default Heavens with generic locations.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I am thinking about providing a third option to everyone. Demons, angels and people alike." Everyone stared at him. He swallowed. "Chuck had all these worlds. We don't have to limit ourselves to one. I was thinking about offering everyone, whether good or bad, the chance to live again. The chance to be human again. They would get a fresh start. Maybe do better or be better or have more time." Jack said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So let me get this straight." Dean said. "You could be the worst person in the world, could kill hundreds of people, and then you could start over?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes." Jack said. "Well, yes and no. Your memories would be erased. You would start brand new. In a way, it would be a death. That person would be gone. The one who lived that life, who had those experiences. But the soul would continue." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean was quiet, thinking it through. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam spoke up, "So even demons and monsters could get a new chance?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded. "Yes, but the demons would be restored. They would be human. The monsters too."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked at Eve. Eve who had insisted just hours ago that her children would never want to be human. "You're okay with this?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at Benny and nodded. "I think most of my children will stay. I hope I have given them what they want. What they need. If not, the failure is mine. I would not have my children suffer for my ego. I am not Chuck." Benny smiled back. Jack wondered what happened during the break, but it wasn’t his business. He had Heaven to worry about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eve looked back at Jack. "What you propose is acceptable with one caveat. I would ask that anyone in Purgatory whose soul meets the requirements be permitted to go to Heaven, with their hunger abated, as it is on Earth. And I would ask that any human who wishes to come to Purgatory to be with with one of my children who does not qualify for Heaven be permited to do so as well, so long as they agree to become one of mine."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So you would be making more monsters?" Eileen asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eve shrugged. "Purgatory is no place for humans. Besides, I can't remake them as I do my children. It would be their choice. Is that not what you advocate?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack’s initial gut reaction was to say no. He had seen the way monsters could destroy. He was a hunter. He looked at his dads, the men who had spent their life hunting the creatures of Eve. They seemed to be considering it. Dean nodded. It was a small gesture, but it pushed Jack over the edge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay." Jack said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena sighed dramatically. "I suppose I should ask for the same, but I don't want a bunch of do gooders in love mucking up Hell."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack shook his head. "I can't allow it anyway. If someone is sent to Hell, they will have to work their way up to the person in Heaven. I won't have someone who has been abused manipulated into giving up Heaven for their abuser." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He clapped his hands. "So, we will do a large scale re-sorting, and then periodic checks. People will continue to have free will, even upon death, and that means they may be moved or they may choose a different fate later."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas cleared his throat. "What about angels?" He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack tilted his head. "Angels?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"They will likely serve you. Want to serve you. It is how they . . . We are built. But what if they, say, wish to fall?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked at him, eyes full of emotion. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Like I would separate the two of you.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jack thought. But he acknowledged it was a good question. He hadn’t really thought about it. Sure, Indra was around. But truth be told, there were so few angels that he almost never saw any of the rest of them. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I guess I am about to have a whole army of angels to contend with.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, first of all, I am not going to prevent you and Dean from being together. Obviously. But I think it would be hypocritical to say that we are going to believe in free will for everyone other than angels. So, I will give them a choice. They can fall, or they can be reborn as human if they do not wish to serve.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas nodded. “I suspect most of them will still want to serve you in Heaven.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t need an angel army. I don’t need servants. I need beings to help me accomplish what we are talking about. Some of them will have to help with the re-sorting and the periodic checks. And some of them will become reapers. I will need a few architects in Heaven, but my plan is to let the humans design their own Heavens. Bobby pointed out that people get bored by locations in their memories. They want to be able to create. So I am going to let them create.” Jack said. He looked at his family. “And I want to station some on Earth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sucked in a breath. “That hasn’t always gone the way you would hope.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded. “I know. Or at least I have an idea. But we can’t set up a new system and just . . . not tell people. Someone needs to teach people what they are supposed to try to attain. Plus, we need to address the whole </span>
  <em>
    <span>gay thing.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” he said, looking at Cas who smiled. Dean looked at Cas who waved him away. “I’ll explain later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack continued. “When I was talking to my mother, she also said that she thought I would remake the world. I have been thinking about that. There are a lot of people who get sick for no reason. I thought maybe Chuck had a plan, but I think it may just have been a side effect of the human design. As far as I can tell, Chuck didn’t have anything to do with the human body after he started everything along its initial path. I think we should have healers. Angels who answer prayers. Not everything, but within certain parameters.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas was nodding. “I once healed a baby. It felt good. To help with something like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack smiled. “Exactly. I don’t want to be in the business of granting wishes. I don’t want to take away the uncertainty of life. That is part of free will. But there is no reason to allow such suffering. So, we will have some angels on Earth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, not to be a downer, but weren’t there some concerns with angels and humans mixing?” Dean said. “Don’t get me wrong, I am a fan, but . . . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack thought about it for a moment. “That will have to be a condition of serving on Earth. Infertility.” He frowned. “Unless they decide to fall.” He looked at Cas. “I know it is a biological impossibility in your current form . . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” Cas said quickly. “Dean, I know we haven’t talked about it but . . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean stopped him with a kiss. “I like your form very much. If we want more kids, we can go about it the same way other guys do. Regardless of what you decide.” Cas smiled at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack sighed. “So, that’s it, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, what about vessels?” Sam asked. “That whole system seems a little bit . . . problematic?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack laughed. “I will just create vessels.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can do that?” Sam asked. “Because we got used as vessels quite a few times and it would have been really nice to know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack shrugged. If I can create humans, I can create vessels. Chuck just wasn’t around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all stared at him. “Son of a bitch.” said Dean.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, that's it. The framework I came up with. I admit that this chapter slightly terrifies me because I wanted the solution to be satisfying and in line with TFW's moral philosophies. I tweaked it a lot and I hope it works for you. </p><p>I will likely gloss over some of the details next chapter to get into meatier stuff (like what happens to John and Mary, etc.). I figure nobody actually wants to read a bunch of negotiation about where to draw the line on souls. </p><p>I have an outline but only some of it is actually written. Plus, it keeps growing. For example, I may have added a new character in the tags for a scene down the road thanks to a certain Cameo video wishing Dean a Happy Birthday.</p><p>Work has been a bear lately, so it may be a hot minute. Apparently, you can't just say: "I would love to provide you legal advice, but I have fan fic to write." I do have some emotional stuff planned, so hopefully it will be worth the wait.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Thirteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Team Free Will implements the new system. An old friend comes to visit. We get resolution on the fate of John Winchester.</p><p>Buckle up for some emotional catharsis. This one gets heavy</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: we are gonna go deep in this one on John Winchester's A+ parenting so expect references to abuse, neglect and homophobia. There is also some classic insecurity and references to suicidal ideation. There are also references to character deaths. </p><p>Despite the many warnings, I think this chapter actually ends up in a positive place</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They broke shortly after that. The Empty headed home. They weren’t really needed for anything else. It was a relief for everyone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack used a portal to return to Heaven and instruct Indra with regard to the “Sleepers,” the angels and the demons. Once Jack created the sandbox, Indra could at least get everything started, moving people to The Empty and the prior inhabitants to the sandbox. Soon, The Empty would have silence back, and their previous charges would have new life. Dean couldn’t pretend it didn't make him somewhat uneasy. They had a lot of enemies in there. All he knew was that he didn't want to be like Chuck. He trusted in this system. Trusted Jack. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone else stuck around for a few days. It probably should have been tense or awkward, especially with Crowley and Benny around, but everyone was on their best behavior. The lack of a major apocalypse seemed to have mellowed everyone out. Or maybe it was just the relief that came with making good progress. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack worked with Amara to fine tune the system. Eve and Benny had a lot of opinions. Rowena, Bela and Crowley contributed as well. Largely through snide remarks and heckling, but occasionally offering meaningful advice. Sam had lots of nerdy advice. Dean teased him about it, but there was no bite to his words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean couldn’t really contribute on the big stuff. He didn't know how bright a soul should shine. Couldn’t alter the laws of the universe. Hadn't read half a library. So he focused on the stuff he could. He fed everyone. He walked the dogs. There was a certain satisfaction in it. Especially feeding Cas. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Cas.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Just thinking about the way he sometimes moaned when he tried something new had Dean shifting around uncomfortably. "I did not truly understand the joy food can bring the last time I was human." Cas had said over dinner last night. Dean had felt a small stab of guilt and resolved that this time around, he was going to make sure Cas got to try everything. Got to enjoy one of the true joys in life for as it was available to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean still didn't know if Cas was going to stay human. There was a potential role for him on Earth if he wanted his grace back. One of healing and teaching. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cas would be good at that. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean felt some of his old doubts rise up in his chest. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I am just a guy. And I don't even have my shit together. Everything I touch falls apart. What's an angel like Cas need with me? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Cas caught his eye across the room and smiled at him. An open, affectionate grin. He felt himself relax. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This is Cas. My Cas.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He didn't know what the future would be, but they would figure it out together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Within a week, the hard part was done. Amara left first. She had reapers to train. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean," she had said as she prepared to leave, "I don't wish to see you again anytime soon. At least not in my new role. But let me know if you are ever in Vegas."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had laughed at that. "You know, I once shared a pizza with your predecessor. Why not shoot craps with Death too? Maybe Cas and I can come visit."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack had embraced her tightly. "Thank you. For everything." He had said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had smiled warmly at him. "You were right, you know. About Chuck. He was wrong about me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He was." Jack affirmed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She said her goodbyes and disappeared through the portal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena, Bela and Crowley were next. They had spent the latter part of the week back and forth, building "Demon Hell." Dean shuddered to think about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena had given Eileen a long list of last minute instructions regarding some kind of portal for Amazon Prime. Eileen had been equal parts annoyed and amused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Samuel, I can't say I approve of your non-magical lifestyle, but I wish you well. When you change your mind, you know where to find me." Rowena had said. She had patted him on the face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had left without drawing it out, Crowley looking over his shoulder at Dean one last time as they walked through the portal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny and Eve left shortly thereafter. She had been waiting on the sweep through Purgatory. To make sure that the outages were truly resolved once those who chose The Empty were cleared out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny had held Dean close. "Thank you, old friend. For everything." He had said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emotion had clouded Dean's throat. "Take care of yourself. And Remy. Okay?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny had nodded. He shook Cas's hand. "And you. You take care of Dean, yeah?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled. "Of course. With all I have."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A look had passed between them. And then he was gone too, following Eve back to Purgatory. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**********</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack had been coming and going at all hours since then. He buzzed with excitement as he gave them updates. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Benny and Remy made it to Heaven." He had told them. "They built themselves a cabin. They spend all day fishing."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next day he had said: "We found Kevin. He is in Heaven, reunited with his Mom."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The day after: "I brought a visitor!" He had yelled down the hall. It was 6am and Dean was curled up next to Cas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mmmnnn" Cas had mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door flung open and Jack had jumped inside, practically vibrating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jack, what did we say about knocking?" Dean had grumbled. "What if we weren't decent?" As a technical matter, Cas wasn't, but his naked body was firmly covered by the blanket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sorry, Dean. I forgot. Do you want me to go back out and knock?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean moaned. "It's fine, Jack." He said sitting up and rubbing his face with his hand. Beside him, Cas rolled and buried his own face in the pillow. He mumbled something that might have been "It's too early."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, guys. Finally banged it out, I see.” said a voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas sat up, the sheet barely protecting his modesty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gabe.” Dean said, using the shortened version of his name to annoy him. “I hope you haven’t been corrupting your nephew.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel snorted. “He has too much of my little brother in him. Too much Castiel, that is. What did you do to this poor child? He’s so . . . earnest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas was glaring through squinted eyes. “Do you think we could maybe have this conversation in the kitchen while I am wearing pants?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel laughed. “Come on, kid. Let’s leave them to it.” He looked at Cas and Dean. “Don’t take too long.” He said, winking as he closed the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas let out an irritated sigh as he pulled on his angel pajamas. Dean grabbed his Dead Man’s robe. He caught Cas’s hand and pulled him in, giving him a peck on the lips. Cas's hair was sticking up at odd angles. Dean grinned at him, tempted to pull him back into the bed. “C'mon. We’d better get in there before he manages to do too much damage. Your brother should not be left unsupervised.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As it happened, Gabriel wasn’t unsupervised. They found him signing excitedly with Eileen, who was dressed for a run. He was winking at her and she was blushing. Sam gave Dean an annoyed look and blew out a breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are going too fast for me, but he is definitely flirting with her. Like, dude, I am right here.” Sam complained to Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean patted him on the shoulder on the way to get coffee. “Hey, I can’t help it if my in-laws are dicks.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam’s eyes widened. Dean blushed. “Can we pretend I didn’t say that?” He asked Sam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam laughed, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “For now, but only because Gabriel would definitely use it against you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean rolled his eyes. He walked over to Jack. “Hey kiddo, what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack grinned. “Uncle Gabriel has decided to become human. He wanted to come see Cas before he headed out into the world. He said ‘I have done enough for three lifetimes. It’s time for me to retire somewhere with pretty people and lots of booze.’” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean laughed at that. “Not sure that is too far from what he was doing before, but good for him I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas had joined in on the conversation. Despite his earlier annoyance with his brother, he looked lighter. Happier. It occurred to Dean that Cas hadn’t seen any of his siblings yet. Sure, nobody was clamoring to see Zachariah or Metatron, but Cas had to miss some of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They fixed Gabriel up with breakfast and a new identity, sending him off on his way with promises to keep in touch. Dean resigned himself to having Gabriel around on occasion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they were cleaning up, Dean asked Cas about his siblings. “Hey Cas, I can’t help but notice that you haven’t seen any of your siblings since everything went down. You know, you can go visit them. If you want. You don’t have to stay here for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas had sighed sadly. “Dean, thank you. I just don’t think that my siblings will be particularly excited to see me. I did kill a lot of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean grabbed him around the waist and turned him so that they faced each other. “Hey, you also saved their asses from The Empty. That has to count for something, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas nodded, but there was no conviction in his eyes. “Even if it does, I don’t exactly fit in with them anymore.” He looked at Dean. “My life is here. With all of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled sadly. “Cas, it isn’t a competition. Your life can be with us and you can still care about your family. You should go to them. Tell them you are sorry for, you know, killing a bunch of them. Rebuild some of those relationships. You know, if you want to. It’s up to you. I support you either way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas had kissed him softly and laid his head on Dean’s shoulder. “Thank you, Dean.” he said quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean held him close. He kissed him on the forehead. “Anytime.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*******************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean felt his stomach lurch as soon as Jack appeared in the kitchen. Up to this point, Jack had brought them good news. Updates on the people they loved. Confirmation that they were safe and happy. But today he appeared drawn and pale. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had been eating lunch, talking about their plans. Things were settling down and Dean still wanted to take that road trip he had been dreaming about. Sam had been asking about potential destinations when Jack appeared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean jumped up from his chair. “Jack. What’s wrong? What happened?” He asked. He checked over Jack to make sure it wasn’t something physically wrong with the kid. He put his hands on Jack, checking for injury.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack looked at him, tears in his eyes and Dean knew. “Who?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack sighed. “Your father.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hell?” Dean asked, fire burning in the back of his throat. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> condemned his father to Hell. Guilt raged inside of him. Sure, his Dad hadn’t been the best, but he had died to save him. He had tried to protect them. He felt Sam’s presence behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. No, not hell.” Jack said. “We actually didn’t even get that far. He didn't want to be scanned by a reaper. He asked to be born again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sucked in a breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It might be better if you sit down.” Jack said. “There’s a lot you should know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sat. He felt Cas’s hand reach for his own under the table and he threaded his fingers through Cas’s, feeling the warmth. His hand felt solid. It grounded Dean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack began. “I am not sure how much you know about your parents and how they got together.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean laughed. “A lot more than most people, probably.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack let out a surprised laugh. “Well, then you may know that they had some help getting together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, a cupid.” Dean affirmed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded. “Cupids help bring people together. In this case, Chuck wanted the two of you to be born, so directed Heaven to interfere in the natural timeline to make it happen. The problem was that your parents were not really in a good place to get together. I don’t know if they would have ended up together otherwise. The truth is that your father was struggling with a lot of trauma. He was a marine and he had seen a lot of action. A lot of disturbing things. Your mother, meanwhile, had grown up hunting. You know what that can be like.” Jack shrugged. “It’s possible that they might have found common ground in one another. That they would have worked through their trauma hand-in-hand.” He looked at Cas and Dean. "Sometimes, trauma can help people find common ground."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He continued. “But that isn’t what happened. The cupid interfered and, instead of building a relationship together, they were thrust into this intense relationship overnight. The love they felt consumed them. Overtook everything else. Your mother changed herself to try to become the wife your father wanted. Your father became obsessed with your mother and, when he lost her . . . . Well, you saw how that worked out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack sighed. “The effect of a cupid lasts until death. In the past, it wasn’t really a problem after that. The person would go to Heaven, assuming they went to Heaven, where they would relive an idealized version of the person they loved. No muss, no fuss.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam looked horrified. “So, Chuck was just forcing people into relationships they didn’t want and then locking them away in those relationships when they died?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded. “Pretty much. But most people were okay with that because they were memories. Your parents, though, they got put into the same Heaven. Where they could interact on a daily basis with one another, no longer under the spell of Cupid’s arrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam raised his eyebrows. “I take it that didn’t go over as well as one would hope?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack shook his head. “Mary, she had already broken the spell when she returned the first time. She was a completely different person when she arrived in Heaven. And John? He was still traumatized. Hurting. They made it work for awhile, but both of them eventually realized that the relationship they had wasn’t real. Your Mother decided she wanted to break down the walls. Go build a new life in Heaven with her friends and family. But your father. He doesn’t want that. He wants to try again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So that's it. Dad will be gone. Forever." He didn't know how to feel about that. On one hand, the man who had raised them had been cold. Vicious at times. Definitely when he was drinking. Dean could still hear his cruel words. Feel the blows. And that was when he was around. How many times had he left them to wonder if he would ever return? On the other hand, some part of Dean still loved him. He had hoped for . . . . Well, he didn't know what he had hoped for. But any chance of that was about to be gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked at Jack. “Jack, I know humans can’t visit Heaven, as a rule, but . . . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack held up his hand. “Dean, you helped rebuild Heaven and everything else. I am here to take you to them. To say goodbye.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded and stood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean.” Cas said behind him. “I’ll go with you. If you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned and looked at Cas. “I don’t know, man. Last time we talked about him, you were ready to rip my father to shreds.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas stood in front of Dean. “And I am still angry at the way he treated you. But this isn’t about him. It’s about you. And I would like the opportunity to be there for you, if you will let me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean felt his heart lift. “Yeah, I think I would like that.” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will come too.” Eileen said. “I will wait to the side, but I would like to be there.” Sam’s face lit up. Dean felt a surge of warmth for her. Eileen had been a rock over the past year.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on.” Jack said. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stood outside of their childhood home, or more accurately a facsimile of it. Dean felt a rush of emotions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seated on the front porch was their mother. She smiled when she saw them and began walking towards them. Dean’s heart caught in his throat. He threw his arms around her. Sam wrapped his arms around both of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mom.” He choked out. “How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled sadly. “I am okay. I have missed you boys. But Jack has been keeping me updated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean started and looked at Jack who smiled. “I came to apologize and, well, I thought she would want to know what you were up to. We have talked several times.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary looked at them. “Dean. Sam. I have had some time to think. To get perspective. I didn’t handle things as well as I should have. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mom, you did your best.” Dean said automatically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled sadly. “I could have done better. I realize now that part of it was trying to understand why I wasn’t the same person I had been when I died. It was jarring. I guess that was the cupid. I just want to make sure you know it was never about you. It was never your fault.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean felt his heart drop a bit. “Mom . . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She put a hand on his shoulder. “Dean, I am fine. I . . . . I want you to know that I am proud of you. That I don’t regret it. Because it gave me the two of you.” She put her other hand on Sam. “You two are amazing. Better than I ever could have imagined. I wish I could have been there . . . .” She stopped and took a breath. “I am glad that you are my sons and I hope when you get up here, which had better not be for a very very long time, we can try again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled, unable to say anything. He just nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She patted them both and looked behind them. “And you two . . .” she said to Eileen and Cas, “You had better take care of my boys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sucked in a breath. “So, you know about . . . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You and Castiel?” Mary asked. “I had my suspicions, but yes. Jack told me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean tensed. “Go easy on him.” Mary said quietly, looking at him. “I don’t think it occurred to him that you might want to tell me yourself. That it was any different than the news that Sam and Eileen were together. That’s probably a good thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled. “And you are okay with it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked Dean in the eyes. “Dean, you deserve happiness. Castiel is a good man and he clearly loves you. You love him. Why would I ever get in the way of that. Not that I can even talk when it comes to the area of love . . . .” she trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean hugged her. “Well, you have plenty of time now.” He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Dad?” Dean asked, his stomach clinching in knots.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Your Dad is your Dad. You know him. He didn’t say anything one way or the other. If he can’t see what you have with Castiel, then he is an idiot. Okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded. His chest felt tight. He remembered how terrified he had been as a kid that his father would catch him looking just a little too long at a boy he thought was cute. Remembered his muttered curses about Dean being too pretty. About how Dean needed to be more of a man. He remembered the absolute terror he felt when his father had sent him on his first solo hunt. Two ghost nuns who had killed themselves after being outed as lesbians. He remembered crying as he salted and burned their bones. Feeling like a piece of him was burning along with them. He had been tempted to let them get him. To let them attack him. He had hesitated long enough to get hurt, actually. The alternative had been to go back home and face his father. The father who clearly knew. The father who was sending a message loud and clear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His throat was thick as he tried to swallow. Seeing his distress, his mom squeezed his shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am going to miss you boys. Promise you will give me the chance?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam nodded. “Yeah, Mom. There isn’t really anything left to hunt. The monsters have largely been neutralized. We are retiring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Good. That’s good. Maybe you can finally have the life I wanted for you. Not that you didn’t manage to make it work before. I mean, you saved the world multiple times. You raised </span>
  <em>
    <span>God.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” She looked at them. “My boys. I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too, Mom.” Dean said. They hugged her again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am going to go find my family, and then I am going to find myself an afterlife.” She laughed. She began walking towards a car in the driveway. She stopped and turned. “Goodbye. I will see you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both waved and watched her drive away. Dean patted Sammy on the back. “Well, that was . . . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” said Sam.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean turned and stared at the house. He was working up the nerve to go inside. To see the man who had shaped his life. Cas walked up behind him and put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. The other arm snaked around his waist. “Dean, you don’t have to do this. I am here. Whatever you need. And I can come along, or I can wait out here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was what he needed to hear. Somehow, the opportunity to leave gave him the strength to face him. “No. I want you to come with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen stayed outside with Jack. “I will be just outside.” She told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked up to the door. Dean froze. “Were they supposed to knock? I mean, it was their house, but it wasn’t.” He looked at Sam who just shrugged. He opened the door and they walked in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>John Winchester was sitting on the couch, staring at the wall. “Dad.” Dean said. He stood. Dean sucked in a breath. He looked small. Tired. Broken. He had always seemed so big growing up. So intimidating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Boys.” He said, summoning some warmth and a smile. “It’s good to see you.” He looked at Cas and stopped, his face falling into a scowl. “You brought your angel.” he said flatly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean felt anger surge within him. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>My angel</span>
  </em>
  <span> has a name. It’s Castiel. And you could show him some respect. He has saved the world. He pulled me from Hell. He helped us defeat God. He helped rebuild the universe. And . . .” he looked at Cas who was looking back at him with his steady gaze, “I love him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked back to his father, who deflated slightly. “I’m sorry.” he said defeatedly. “I didn’t mean . . . .” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s anger dissipated. He barely recognized the man in front of him. The man he had known had been obsessed. Single-minded. Driven.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look,” John started again, looking between his sons, “I have had some time to think. Obviously. I know I wasn’t the best Dad all the time. I . . . .” He seemed to reach for words that wouldn’t come. “I guess I just wanted to say I’m sorry. And I am proud of you boys. You defeated the ultimate bad guy. You saved the world."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you sure this is what you want?" Dean asked. "You will be gone. You won't remember us. Won't remember anything."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed. It was a harsh sound. "Not much worth remembering." He said. "And a lot I would like to forget."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean felt Cas’s hand on his back. A gentle touch to remind him he wasn't alone. He leaned into it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at them. "You boys were the best thing I ever did. I know I didn't always show it, but I love you. Both of you. And I am proud of the men you have become." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I love you too, Dad." Dean said. He hugged his father. He did, too. As much as it hurt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was so much more he wanted to say. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You hurt me. Over and over. You abandoned me. You made it hard for me to trust anyone. Harder to love. I may understand why you were the way you were, but it still isn't okay. It never will be. There were days I barely survived. Days I wasn't even sure I wanted to. It wasn't fair. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>But he left it unsaid. It wouldn't change anything. Wouldn't undo anything. So he let it all go. Left it all at the feet of John Winchester. Soon there would be nobody left for it to hurt other than Dean himself, and he didn't want to carry that around anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam stepped up next. "Goodbye, Dad. I hope you find what you are looking for. That the world is kinder to you the next time around." He hugged his father, too</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indra appeared in the house. "Are you ready, Mr. Winchester?" He nodded. "Come with me." They created a portal and walked through. Dad followed. He never looked back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They left the house and rejoined Jack and Eileen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you okay?" She asked. Dean looked around and saw that all eyes were on him. He felt a rush of warmth. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I didn't just survive. What I have now? That's family. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He felt tension release. He still had a lot to work through, but he didn’t have to do it alone. Suddenly self-conscious, he cracked a smile. "Well, I could use a drink."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack grinned. "I know a place."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, there it is. One of the controversial points of the finale that never happened. The presence of John just down the road. </p><p>I will be the first to admit that I do not like John. I feel very defensive of the boys. I also may have some personal experience with trauma that makes me want to yeet him straight to Hell where Rowena can punish him. Unfortunately, Dean would absolutely hate that, and I wanted to focus on his journey as he heals from a highly traumatic childhood. Because that is the hope they failed to deliver in the finale that I refuse to talk about. So I gave the boys something else.</p><p>I want to be clear that the cupid explanation (which I have seen floated about in a few places) doesn't excuse John’s behavior. I wanted Dean to let go of his own feelings of guilt. Let go of the concept that he caused any of it or could have stopped any of it. Plus I thought it was a good explanation both of why Mary was inconsistent and how John could have gotten self-awareness in the time that had passed. So it’s meant to give an explanation/help us understand these characters.</p><p>I also want to be clear that forgiveness does not always mean building a relationship with your abuser/the person who hurt you, and that nothing obligates you to continue an abusive relationship or even to forgive. Sometimes, the best case scenario is survival and/or walking away. </p><p>Source for the lesbian nuns: John Winchester’s Journal by Alex Irvine. It’s available on Amazon and there is a ton of discussion online about the particular passage. </p><p>Ok, less heavy: yes that means I have now obligated myself to write a roadhouse scene next chapter AND a scene with a billion angels. So it will be a hot minute but it will also be fun.</p><p>After that will be an extended fluff tour.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Fourteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sam, Dean and Eileen reconnect with old friends at the Roadhouse. Castiel faces his siblings. Everyone unwinds after with a raucous party at the Roadhouse with an embarrassing number of characters the author misses, some flirting, and drunk Sam.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: lots of booze</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They looked up at Harvelle's Roadhouse. Sam was grinning at Dean. Jack stood beside him, looking proud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh man, Cas, you are gonna love this place." He stopped, seeing Cas’s expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean, can I talk to you?" Cas asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure. Give us a minute." He told the others. He stepped aside with Cas. "What's wrong, Cas? We don't have to go in if you don't want to."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked at him intently. "It's not that. It's just . . .  If we are going to stay in Heaven for awhile . . ."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Your siblings." Dean said, putting it together. Cas nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Go." Dean said, patting him on the shoulder. "Do you want me there? I mean, you were there with me . . . ."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas shook his head. "I suspect your presence would make things more complicated. I don't need you stabbing them. It might make reconciliation more challenging."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean opened his mouth in protest. Then he saw the edges of Cas's mouth twitch in amusement. Dean laughed. "I guess, but think about how hot I would look doing it." He teased, winking at Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas outright laughed at that and Dean's heart soared at the sound. Cas sobered. "I think this is something I need to do on my own."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ok. You know where to find me. And just have Jack let us know if you need more time." Dean said. Cas nodded solemnly and began walking towards Jack. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean felt a tug of anxiety. He hadn’t let Cas out of his sight and now he was watching him go meet up with a bunch of dicks, many of whom had reason to hold a grudge. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This is Heaven. They can't hurt him. Plus Jack wouldn't let them. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He wished he could control how this would go. Knew it would hurt Cas deeply if he were rejected. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey Cas!" Dean called after him. He turned. "I will be here, no matter what. Okay?" He jogged over to him and gave him a light peck. "You have this and I have you. I love you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A strained smile passed across Cas’s lips and he let out a stilted breath. "Thanks, Dean. I love you too." A little thrill passed through him with the words. He hoped that never went away</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean walked back over to Sam and Eileen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Everything okay?" Sam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure, Cas just has some catching up to do with his family. You ready?" He asked, clapping Sam on the shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam nodded and they walked towards the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first thing Dean saw was Bobby. It was actually the only thing Dean saw because he sprung out of his chair, knocking it over, and stood in front of them yelling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What the hell are you doing here, ya idjits? You were supposed to live long, happy lives. Why are you smiling, Sam?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Bobby . . ." Dean tried to cut in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't you 'Bobby' me. What are you. 41? 42? Jack told us you were retiring. How did you manage to fuck up badly enough to die a week later and take your brother with you? Of all the stupid . . ."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"BOBBY!" Dean yelled to get his attention. Bobby stopped and looked at him. "We aren't dead. We are just visiting. Jack let us come say goodbye to Dad."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh." said Bobby. "Well, come on in then. You coulda said something rather than letting me rant." Dean felt a rush of affection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby restored order at his table, picking up the chair and sliding it under the table. Dean grinned, seeing Rufus and Karen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean! Sam!" Rufus said, hugging both of them. "How are you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean clapped Rufus on the back. "Looks like you were wrong, all those years ago. Guys like us can have happy endings." Dean said. "You got a pretty good one up here and I am working on mine." It was more optimism than he usually let himself feel, but he couldn’t help it. The last of his heartache faded for now, replaced with joy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rufus laughed. "So it would seem. And you haven't even heard who I am dating."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh?" Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rufus grinned. "Aretha." He said proudly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean's eyebrows shot up. "Aretha Aretha? The Aretha?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thought she'd have had better taste." Bobby said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam was introducing the table to Eileen when Dean felt someone wrap their hands around his waist. He turned to find Jo, her ponytail swinging and a giant grin plastered across her face. Ellen and Ash stood behind her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, guys." He said emotionally, swallowing a lump in his throat. Sam jumped forward to wrap his arms around them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at Jo. She had been like a little sister to him. He wanted to say so much to her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I'm sorry I couldn’t protect you. I'm sorry you didn't get longer. I'm so sorry. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But he pushed aside his guilt, remembering her words to him.</span>
  <em>
    <span> "It's not your fault. It wasn't on you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. . . </span>
  <em>
    <span>You carry all kinds of crap you don't have to, Dean. It kinda gets clearer when you're dead.</span>
  </em>
  <span>" He swallowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How are you?" He asked quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up at him with amusement in her eyes. "Well, about a week ago, the bitch who killed me walked into my bar as well as the actual God who is apparently your kid and now my two favorite almost brothers are visiting from Earth, so it's been a weird one."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean threw back his head and laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo continued. "But, seriously. I am happy. Really happy. I get to spend time with my Mom and Dad." She gestured to a man behind the bar who looked vaguely familiar to Dean. "I am surrounded by great people. And on my days off, I can go anywhere. Do anything. Thanks to you and your kid."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Got quite the crowd here, Ellen." Sam said, smiling down at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked around and saw a lot of familiar faces. Some he recognized as friends of his Dad's or Bobby's. Others were hunters he had met along the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Behind Dean, Eileen let out an exclamation and ran across the room to hug a dark haired, dark eyed woman. They were both talking at the same time and crying. Dean smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ash," Dean smiled, "you sleeping on those pool tables still? If not, we should play a game later."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash grinned. "I don't know, Dean. I wouldn't want to embarrass you."</span>
</p><p><span>A familiar face caught</span> <span>Dean's eye</span><em><span>. Is that Eliot Ness? </span></em><span>Dean thought. Before he could move towards him, he heard a voice behind him. </span></p><p>
  <span>"Ok, Jo. I got your text. This surprise better be something, because I was with this hot brunette who had given herself honest-to-god wings in her Heaven and I was looking forward to . . . DEAN? SAM?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean whirled around and ran to Charlie. </span>
  <em>
    <span>His Charlie. </span>
  </em>
  <span>"CHARLIE!" Dean yelled, wrapping her up in a giant hug, lifting her off the ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We aren't dead. We are just visiting." Sam offered over his shoulder. Charlie laughed in his arms. He put her down so she could go hug Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean felt emotion constricting his chest, looking at all these people that he loved. People he thought he had failed. Now whole and happy and at peace. Tears threatened behind his eyelids and, for once, they were happy tears. He took a deep breath and pushed down his emotions. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That's enough of that. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He thought.  "So, what do I have to gank to get a drink around here?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jack offered to restore Cas's grace before bringing him to see his siblings, but he shook his head quietly. He would meet them as he was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack flew them to a large open space. It looked like a park. Several angels were milling about. For a moment, Cas's confidence failed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What am I even doing here? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He considered leaving before anyone saw him. Jack would take him back to Dean. All he had to do was ask. But as he opened his mouth, he heard a voice say "Castiel!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Anna!" He said. He felt his heart constrict. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled at him."You're here! Come see the others."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack patted Cas on the back. He turned and disappeared, leaving Cas with Anna.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas hesitated. "Anna, I am not sure how many of our siblings will be happy to see me. I am afraid I killed many of them."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tilted her head in confusion. "Can you not hear them? Oh, but of course not. You are human, aren't you? Angel radio is full of praise. You saved us all. You restored Heaven and brought us a new Father." She frowned slightly. "Your son, which makes it all a bit confusing, but it does not matter. You have saved us. You are welcome here."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked forward and embraced him. Behind her others appeared. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Balthazar. </span>
  </em>
  <span>"My old friend. I am so sorry." Castiel had said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Akobel. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He felt a stab of guilt seeing the angel whose only crime had been loving a human. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Naomi. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She had fallen at his feet and asked for his forgiveness. "You were right. About all of it." </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gadreel. </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Benjamin. Miriam. Hannah. Joshua.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>On and on they came. Angels he had fought alongside in battle. Angels who fell in Hell when he saved Dean. So many of his siblings. Millions of years of memories flooded his mind. Love and anger, happiness and betrayal. It was too much. He was full of joy and sorrow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel pulled Anna aside. "Anna, this is too much. Can you get me out of here? Can we go somewhere to talk?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. "Why don't I send something out on angel radio and we can get out of here." She said sympathetically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ok." He let out a sigh of relief. He looked at the expectant faces in front of him. He tried to think of something that would have meaning to them. It had been a long time since he had looked at the world the way his siblings did. Perhaps he never actually had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My siblings, my heart sings with joy to see you reborn and with renewed purpose. I hope to see some of you soon on Earth, and I know we will otherwise be reunited again soon. I hurt some of you in the past. Some of you hurt me. But we are united now in purpose. United by Jack." His voice broke there slightly, thinking of the child he had helped raise and the man he had become. The God he had become. Too soon. Part of Cas wondered what it would have been like if Jack had gotten a normal childhood. He imagined cutting the crusts off his sandwiches and healing skinned knees. He pushed it from his mind. "May his blessings be upon you all."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stared back beatifically. They begin to sing as one. A hymn of praise and joy. He felt an affinity for them. Of course he did. They were his siblings. But he also felt so alone. A hand touched his back and they disappeared. In their place, a peaceful mountain lay in front  of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked at Anna who gave him a sympathetic look. "I thought that was probably enough for one day." She said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That obvious?" Cas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anna smiled kindly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked out over the mountain. It was beautiful. There were purple wildflowers everywhere. Other mountains stretched before them in the distance. The sun was low in the sky. "Where are we?" Cas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Isn't it amazing? It doesn't actually exist on Earth. A mountain climber created it. It is a combination of a few mountains he climbed. Humans. They have the capacity to create such beauty when they want to. We are alone here. Nobody is using this area."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas nodded. He sat on a boulder. Anna stood next to him. "Something troubles you, my brother. What is it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas frowned. "I don't know where I belong."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anna raised an eyebrow. "I suspect that is not true, Castiel. I think you know exactly where you belong."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled wryly. "Fair enough. I just don’t know what to do. There is a place now for me on Earth. I can serve Heaven and still be with Dean."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can." She said quietly. "But you do not want to."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at her, a look of distress coloring his face. "I feel selfish, Anna. I should want to serve my son. I should want to serve my God."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tilted her head. "Isn't that the point of all of this? There is no should, Castiel. There never has been. Years ago, I chose to fall. To experience the world as a human. And the love I experienced would have been unimaginable to my prior angel form. I am not the only one. Gabriel chose to fall, you know. And Michael is semi retiring. He is going to serve Heaven part-time while he lives alongside his former vessel."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Adam?" Cas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anna laughed. "Of course. Adam is John Winchester's kid. I hadn't put that together. The point is that you are more than the purpose for which Chuck created you. More than your usefulness. What do you want?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas sighed. "I want a life with Dean. A real life. I want to grow old alongside him. I want to cook him dinner and be able to taste it. I want to feel. Really feel."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sounds like you know what you need to do." Anna said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But is it selfish? I could be helping people. And what if Dean gets hurt? I can't heal him. Can't protect him." Cas said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anna placed her hand on his shoulder. Cas slumped. "Cas, stop. You can still help people. And all you ever need to do is call if Dean is hurt. Pray to me and I will always come."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tension drained out of him. "Thank you, Anna."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She squeezed his shoulder. They sat for a moment in silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas stood. "You ready?" Anna asked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. He knew exactly where he belonged. With Dean. "Can you take me to a place called Harvelle's Roadhouse? She nodded and flew them to the bar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Good luck, Castiel. I am sure we will see each other soon." She hugged him and then she was gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas walked towards the Roadhouse.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>*********</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>"So here I am, sure Dean is going to kill me." Sam said. "What other choice is there?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All eyes were on them. They had been swapping hunting stories for awhile now. More hunters had shown up, thanks to word of mouth. Missouri Moseley and Pamela Barnes shared a table. Mom showed up with some of the Campbells in tow. The room should be crowded but it seemed to expand as needed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam, Dean and Eileen were each on a stool, back to the bar. Dean clutched a beer. It was only his second. He didn't want to get too drunk. He wanted to be ready in case Cas needed him. He had no idea how long they had been here. It was hard to gauge time in Heaven. He had already confirmed with Jack that he could put them back in the bunker minutes after they left, so it didn’t really matter. They had time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So what does Dean do? Take a guess." Everyone leaned forward a bit. "The crazy sonofabitch grabs the scythe and kills Death himself."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And that is how we killed Death the first time." Dean finished. "Caused a ton of problems for us, but there ya go."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He would swear he felt him walk into the room. Felt those blue eyes staring at him. Dean didn’t even hesitate. He hopped off the stool and rushed over to Cas, pulling him in for a long, deep kiss. He pressed their foreheads together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hello, Dean." Cas said quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hi." Dean said. "Missed you. How did it go?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You were right. They forgive me." Cas said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean let out a sigh of relief. He hadn’t known what to expect. "Good. That's good." Dean said. He kissed Cas lightly and turned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone was looking at them. The reactions ranged from grinning to shock. "Finally figured it out, didja?" Bobby said. Dean rolled his eyes. "Well, I got eyes, don't I?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Um, everyone, this is my . . . ." </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit, what are we? Together, obviously, but boyfriend doesn't quite capture it. The love of my life? My best friend who I also love dearly? </span>
  </em>
  <span>"my Castiel. Cas. He and I are best friends and boyfriends and we raised Jack together with Sammy's help and he saved me from Hell and helped remake the universe and I love him. So, yeah. I think that covers it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel smiled. "Hello, everyone." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean grabbed his hand and dragged him to the bar. "Let’s get this man a beer." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Someone had fired up the jukebox and people were dancing. Jo had dragged a hunter Dean didn't recognize into the middle of the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash was leading a group in some sort of complicated drinking game. Dean shook his head. He had never really understood drinking games. You want to drink? Just drink. But Sam had screamed "I used to play this game all the time at Stanford!" and he was currently pounding back drinks at an alarming rate. Every so often, he would stop and sign "I love you." to Eileen, who was seated across the room with some of her friends, looking on in amusement. Dean had signed to her little while ago: "You can do better, you know." He made a silly face. She had laughed and responded, "Unfortunately, this is the man I love." She had teased back. "Lucky for us." Dean replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean had taken it easy with the booze. It had been such an emotional day that he was worried too much alcohol would lead to something embarrassing like tears or karaoke. Besides, he wanted to remember this night. He stood next to Cas, who was perched on a stool. It was too loud to hear each other unless they stood up close. The result was that Cas had been growling in his ear all night while Dean stood between his legs. Dean was definitely not complaining. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For now, Dean was looking around the room, enjoying a night where nothing was hanging over their heads. A night where he was surrounded by many of the people he loved. He definitely wasn't ready to be up here yet, but it was comforting to know that when the time came, this was what he had to look forward to. It was even more comforting to know that the people he loved were happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked at him thoughtfully, then pulled him close. "I don't think I have seen you this content in a long time. Maybe ever. It's beautiful."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean started to protest, but Cas pulled him in for a kiss and his brain short circuited. "You were about to argue." Cas growled in his ear. "But it's true and I won't hear otherwise." Dean's heart flip flopped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at Cas. He seemed relaxed too. "You seem happy too. And, you know, beautiful." Dean said. The corners of Cas's eyes crinkled in amusement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I am." He affirmed. "I had a long talk with Anna and it helped clarify some things." Dean gave him a questioning look. "Later." Cas said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas's eyes lit up. "She did tell me that Adam and Michael are making a life together." Dean's eyebrows shot up. He supposed that made sense. They had apparently formed a strong bond. But it was weird to think about the Michael who had tried to use him to bring about the end of the world getting domestic. He supposed people changed. That was the point, wasn't it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I guess it runs in the family. We Winchesters have a type, apparently." Dean joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dicks?" Cas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean pulled back and looked at Cas in surprise. I mean, yeah, Cas's dick was his type but . . . </span>
  <em>
    <span>Stop thinking about Cas's dick.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"You always said angels were dicks." He clarified. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh there is no way he didn't do that on purpose.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Dean thought. He saw a glint of humor in Cas's eyes and shook his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Two can play at this game.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He leaned forward and told Cas exactly what he wanted to do with his dick. Cas's amusement darkened into desire. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What are you two doing over here?" A voice called behind them. Jo grabbed their hands dragging them onto the dance floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean winked at Cas and let himself be dragged away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The night was winding down. Sam was sprawled at a table with Eileen. She had convinced him to have a glass of water. He kept sloshing it on himself as he told a story. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash was passed out on the pool table. They had never actually gotten that game. "He doesn't have a bed, even in Heaven?" Dean had teased Jo. She had just shrugged. "He says it's comfortable." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby was at his table, eyes shut, holding a beer. Everytime Karen had attempted to take the beer, he would grumble at her. "Woman, a man should be able to have a beer in peace." She had finally rolled her eyes and told Ellen to send him on home whenever he woke up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlie was in the corner talking very intently with Pamela. She kept touching her arm. Her shoulder. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Looks like she may get to hook up with a brunette after all. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean had ordered a basket of fried cheese curds to soak up the rest of the alcohol. Ellen dropped them off with a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You are gonna love these, Cas. The name doesn't make them sound very appetizing, but I am telling you they are so good." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas picked one up and stared at it dubiously, but he popped it on his mouth and let out a little groan that sent a wave of arousal through Dean's body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean swallowed. "Good?" He asked hoarsely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas hummed in agreement and popped another in his mouth. Dean swallowed thickly. Watching Cas take pleasure in eating had not gotten old. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked at him. "You don't want one?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean shook himself from his reverie. "Sorry, I just love watching you eat. Wait, that sounds weird. I love watching you happy. I know you don't really enjoy food as an angel, and it's nice to share it with you. For now. It's fine if you want to . . . . I mean, whatever you want is . . ."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean." Cas said, gently. Dean looked at Cas uncertainly. Some part of him still expected Cas to tell him he had decided to stay in Heaven or something. He tried to ignore it. "I think I have made a decision about what I want."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How had Dean's mouth gotten so dry? "And?" He asked tentatively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled. "Dean, I want to grow old with you. If you will have me. I want to stay human and build a life with you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s eyes burned with unshed tears. "Yes. Yes, I would like that." He said, his voice coming out barely above a whisper. Cas grinned and pulled him close, kissing him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Stop being grooooooss." Sam's voice came from behind them. Dean pulled away and looked at his brother, who was more than a little unsteady on his feet. "I am just kidding, man, I am . . . Ooooh, cheese curds." He said, grabbing a handful and shoveling them in his mouth. </span>
  <em>
    <span>If Sam is eating fried food, it's probably time to get him home. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dean thought. "What was I saying?" Sam asked, mouth still full of curds. "Oh! Yeah. I am happy for you too. You deserve it. You deserve each other. You certainly waited long enough. And my best friend and my brother? How great is that? I love you guys." Dean patted him on the shoulder. "Allright, bud, we love you too. Let's head home. I'll call Jack to Uber us home. Lemme just say goodbye." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam grinned at him, then shoveled more curds into his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugs and promises not to return anytime soon were exchanged. Dean felt a tug of sadness, but he filed it away for later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack brought them back to the Bunker just a little while after they had left, as promised. It was still afternoon. Dean dropped down and hugged Miracle, earning a wet dog kiss and a lot of sniffing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen guided Sam towards their room. "Night, Sammy." Dean called after him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Night, Dean. Night Cas. Night bunker. Night plant." He collapsed into giggles. Eileen sighed in exasperation but managed to keep him on a fairly straight path towards bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean shook his head. "Lightweight." Dean laughed. "It's only 1:30 in the afternoon and he's already headed to bed."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, that sounds like a terrible idea." Cas said, a note of amusement in his voice. "I can't think of one thing I would want to do in bed at this hour." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean's filthy words from the bar came back to him. "Actually, you know, I am kind of tired. Um, maybe just a little nap."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled, his eyes alight. "If you insist, my dear."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I really did it to myself this time. There were about 1,000 characters. Between the complexity and work (apparently you can't just not lawyer because you are working on fan fic), this chapter was a tough one, but I hope it was also a fun one. I had actually already planned it before Chad Lindberg's tweets on Dean's birthday, but they made me more excited about the chapter. I really wanted a mixture of sweet, flirty and fun. The boys deserved a night to unwind.</p><p>The angels were a bit more intense. I wanted Cas to have some closure. Some part of me was tempted to have him go back to angel, but I just thought this worked better.  I Iiked the contrast between formal Cas with his siblings and flirty, relaxed Cas with Dean. I also enjoyed writing Anna. I thought she was a really cool character. </p><p>We are done with most of the plot plot. I think I have fixed most of what I plan on fixin'. Now prepare for an extended fluff tour. We probably have 2-3 more chapters to follow Sam and Dean on their vacation and then a time jump and an Earthside scene of chaos similar to the Roadhouse with the living characters.</p><p>Leave a comment!!</p><p>Author's note: Jo's words to Dean are from 7.04, Defending Your Life. Transcript available at: http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/7.04_Defending_Your_Life_(Transcript)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Fifteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Welcome to the first chapter of the extended fluff tour. Dean and Cas visit Garth to tell him about the new rules. The result is a whole lot of cute Dad-like interaction with Garth’s kids. Then it’s off to Nola where they eat and drink way too much (as you do).</p><p>I have no excuse. This is pure, unadulterated, author fan service because the author just wants these guys to be happy for once. </p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: Booze, food, some internalized homophobia and fear of bigotry (but it is fairly light because seriously, this is cotton candy fluff).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There was one thing left to do before Dean and Cas could finally go on their much-anticipated vacation. It had occurred to Dean while he looked around at all of his friends at the Roadhouse. Bobby had called someone an “idjit” and it had brought to mind Garth. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He still doesn’t use that word right.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Dean had insisted in his head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He is going to love this place, though.</span>
  </em>
  <span> That was when it hit. What they had done. How they had changed things. Years ago, Garth had resigned himself to the fact that they were going to different places when they died. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know that he can come here and see everyone again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could just call him.” Sam offered. “It’s good news.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sammy,” Dean insisted, “this isn’t the kind of news you tell someone over the phone. Hey, Garth, just thought you should know you may be able to go to Heaven now and won’t have to spend eternity hunting and being hunted. How’re the kids?” He looked at Cas, who was seated on the couch with Miracle’s head in his lap. “Besides, he hasn’t even met Cas in person. He named his kid </span>
  <em>
    <span>Castiel</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He should meet the man.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam had just shrugged. “I guess you are right. You sure you don’t want us to come along?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah. You and Eileen have househunting to do.” Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, if Sam will stop being so picky.” Eileen chimed in, with a teasing glint in her eye. “This one hates every house we look at.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam sighed. “I mean, I don’t remember ever having a house before. Unless you count the bunker. I was too young to remember our house, and we grew up on the road. I just want it to be perfect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She patted him on the back. “I know, Sam. I am just teasing. We are going to find the perfect place.” She kissed him lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned at her. “Yeah, we are. Thanks for understanding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They set off in Baby. Dean laid a blanket in the backseat and Miracle was spread out, wagging his tail. He loved a car ride. He had Cas at his side, their fingers intertwined, and classic rock was blaring on the radio. It was awesome.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Garth met them outside, wrapping Dean in a giant hug. Dean squirmed a bit out of habit, but it was good to see Garth. He turned and gave Castiel a giant hug as well. Surprise flickered across Cas’s face and Dean smirked in amusement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Castiel, I feel like we have been friends forever. The way Dean talks about you . . . well, we are practically family at this point.” He turned his head to the side. “Dean, he is as handsome as you described.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sputtered. “I don’t think I said . . .” He looked at Cas who was grinning in amusement and sighed. “He is, isn’t he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garth looked between them. “Oooooh, finally . . . “</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” Dean cut him off. Cas was laughing, the traitor. Dean opened the door and let Miracle out. He jumped down and began sniffing Garth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, buddy. Wait till the kids get ahold of you. You are in for so much attention.” Garth said. “Well, come on in, ya idjits.” Garth said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Garth, it’s . . . nevermind.” Dean and Cas followed him into the house. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gertie came running into the foyer. “DOGGIE!” She yelled. Her brothers toddled behind her. “Puppah. Puppah.” screamed one of the boys. The other was just incoherently squealing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay. Easy” said Garth as he leaned down to help them pet Miracle. “Gently, like this.” Miracle’s tail wagged as he sniffed the tiny, sticky children in front of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean took the moment of distraction to take in the kids. The last time he had seen the babies, they were barely pulling up. Now they were toddling around on steady feet, fat fingers reaching for Miracle. Gertie was a full grown little girl. She looked up, smiling. “Hi, Uncle Dean.” Dean’s heart constructed in his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Gertie. You are getting big.” he said. “This is, um, Uncle Cas.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled at him. “I’m Gertie.” She said, suddenly shy. “And that’s Sam and Castiel.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas leaned down to her level. “Gertie, it is very nice to meet you. I like your dress. Are those bees?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her shyness faded. “Yes! I love bees. Did you know that bees have five eyes? Can you imagine having five eyes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas laughed. “Wow. That is a lot of eyes.” He winked at Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bess walked around the corner. “Come on, guys. Let’s let them get into the door.” She smiled at Dean. “It’s good to see you, Dean. And this must be Cas. He IS handsome.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sighed. Cas grinned up at him smugly. “Shut up.” Dean said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dinner is just about ready. Come on in.” Bess said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Miracle quickly realized that the place to be was under Sam and Castiel. As they threw and dropped bits of chicken and vegetables on the floor, Miracle snapped them up, wagging his tail in joy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I may never get Miracle back in the car.” Dean teased. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel was staring at Cas while he shoved carrots in his mouth. His cheeks were stuffed like a little chipmunk. “Are those tasty?” Cas asked him. Castiel grinned, drool and carrot clinging to his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam had a plastic fork that he was trying to use to stab chicken. He didn’t quite have the coordination, but Bess would help him stab the pieces and then he would bring them to his mouth in triumph. He somehow had pieces of carrot in his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, Gertie was on her best behavior, sitting up straight and trying to impress them with bee facts. “Uncle Cas, did you know that bees flap their wings 200 times A SECOND?” She made a shocked face to emphasize her point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garth smiled. “We are going through a bit of a bee phase.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas grinned. “I love bees. I once harvested my own honey!” Gertie’s eyes widened in awe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean grinned at him. “I seem to recall you showing up once with some bees.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas gave him a bemused look. “I seem to recall that you quite enjoyed my bee friends.” Dean blushed slightly. Cas had shown up wearing bees and nothing else on the hood of Baby. It had been highly confusing for Dean’s libido. He still wasn’t sure if he wanted to forget it or remember it in detail. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually the kids got restless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got them.” Bess said, taking the boys out of their high chairs. “Bathtime!” she said cheerily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garth looked at Dean. “So, not that I don’t love getting a visit from you, but what’s going on? Is it a case? Now that the hunger is gone, we haven’t seen many of those. Hell, we are basically just a normal family. Is it something I should be worried about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Dean assured him quickly. “Nothing like that. It’s actually good news.” He took a breath. He didn’t know where to start. “You remember Jack, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garth looked slightly embarrassed remembering his stay in the trunk of the Impala. “I remember Jack.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded. “And you remember how we were fighting God? Well, when we took down God, Jack became the new God. And he made some changes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard there were angels on Earth now. Other than yours.” Garth said, nodding at Castiel in acknowledgement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s part of it, but the bigger part from your perspective is that Jack changed up the afterlife.” Dean said. Garth stilled. “Monsters used to go to Purgatory, no matter what. But now they can go to Heaven, if they qualify.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously?” Garth asked. His eyes filled up with tears. “I . . . .” He took a breath. “I had made my peace that I would never see any of the people I knew again. From before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled fondly. “Not only can you make it to Heaven, we visited the other day. We even saw Bobby.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garth grinned. “Did he call you an ‘idjit?’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know he did.” Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garth smiled fondly. “You probably deserved it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They headed to the living room with fresh beers and caught up on less emotional stuff. Garth told them about his dental practice. “It’s a lot easier now that we aren’t eating livestock. Gristle can really cause some challenges, from a dental hygiene and health perspective.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas and Dean talked about their upcoming trip. “When Charlie heard we were going to New Orleans, she insisted on booking a room for us, so I have no idea what to expect. We aren’t picky though.” Dean said, grinning at Cas. “Cas has been researching the city like it’s a job. By the time we get down there, he is probably going to be able to give me a tour himself. Meanwhile, I just want to eat and drink.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, the kids came down clad in pajamas and smelling of baby shampoo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uncle Cas,” Gertie said, “do you want to read me a bedtime story? It’s about bees.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would love that.” Cas said. She climbed into his lap and he began to read in a soft, steady voice. She turned in his lap to look up at him over her shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uncle Cas?” she interrupted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” he asked, smiling at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we have a tea party tomorrow?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would love that. I am honored that you would invite me to join you for tea.” Cas replied. Dean smiled fondly at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam toddled over to Dean and blew a raspberry. “Pppppppppt.” he said, and giggled. Dean responded in kind, which apparently was the right answer as Sam began giggling even harder. Dean picked him up and sat him in his lap, bouncing him up and down on his knee. He rolled around and grabbed Dean’s face. “MU-AH” he said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks, buddy.” Dean said, his throat suddenly tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Baby Castiel, meanwhile, was standing in front of Miracle. He kept bending down and saying “Hiiiiiiii” as he waved at the dog. The dog, stuffed full of toddler meal, was laying on his side, content. He raised his head lazily, then laid back down again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the book was over, “night night hugs” and kisses were exchanged and Bess took the kids back up to put them down. “This is a pretty special family you’ve got here, Garth.” Dean said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garth beamed. “It’s funny. I couldn’t have imagined this back when we met. Now I can’t imagine my life any other way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get that.” Dean said, looking affectionately at Cas.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They left a couple of days later. Dean wasn’t sure that Miracle was going to come. He had gotten used to constant attention and snacks. But he hopped in Baby when Dean opened the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean hugged each of the kids, picking up Sam and Castiel in each arm. “Now listen here,” he told them, “you two keep your noses clean. You hear me?” He bent down to Gertie next. “Don’t forget to bring honey when you come to visit so we can make a honey apple pie.” She nodded solemnly. “See ya soon, kiddo.” Dean said, and he ruffled her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas had sat on the ground and the toddlers were crawling on him. Gertie squealed and jumped on his back. Bess finally stepped in to bring some control to the chaos. She gave Dean and Cas light hugs and then got the kids inside with the promise of pancakes for breakfast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garth put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Dean, thank you. For everything.” his voice broke slightly at the end. “I will see you soon.” Then he hugged Dean. Dean patted him slightly uncomfortably. Garth pulled away and gave Cas a similar hug, wrapping his arms around Cas’s body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean grumbled as they drove away. “He always gives too much hug.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s nice.” Cas said, smiling slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sighed and didn’t admit out loud that he did too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They dropped Miracle off and slept overnight in the Bunker on the way to New Orleans. Dean hated to leave him behind, but Cas had very logically pointed out that he would have more fun running with Sam than he would have sitting in their room. Dean had told the dog no less than five times that they would return. Miracle, for his part, seemed unconcerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were ready to stop by the time they reached Shreveport, but Dean pushed through to Nachitoches. Dean wasn’t eager to relive his confrontation with the Stynes. He shuddered thinking about Charlie. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She’s fine now. Both Charlies are. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He told himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nachitoches was a cute little town anyway. It was set on the water and the historic district was quaint. Cas insisted that they spend a few hours in the morning stretching their legs. Dean pretended to be irritated and ready to get on the road, but he relented after Cas pointed out, “We don’t have anywhere to be. There is no case. We aren’t chasing anything or being chased.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had walked along the water’s edge, close enough to touch. Dean longed to reach out and hold Cas’s hand, but he hesitated. He hated that he hesitated. It was too public. He felt too visible. Cas didn’t seem to mind, though. He walked alongside Dean, relaxed and content. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was early afternoon when they crossed the bridge towards New Orleans. Charlie had reserved them a room in a small bed and breakfast in the Marigny, just outside of the French Quarter. It was cute. Nothing like their usual digs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The couple who ran it, Dave and Kevin, were in their 50s. Dave was slim with sparkling brown eyes and a wry smile. Kevin was tall. As tall as Sam, maybe. But he was also heavyset. He had a deep booming voice and his laugh filled the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They checked in as Dean and Castiel Winchester. They had established realish ids for their everyday life. They had figured it made sense to have their identities show as married. After all, Cas didn’t have a last name and, if he was being honest, Dean didn’t want him to have any other last name. So, they were technically married. Had the marriage certificate and everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave showed them to a private suite upstairs in the main house. It was nice. There was a door that opened up to a balcony overlooking a courtyard below. Palm trees and ferns lined the balcony and the courtyard. The room was spacious and included a small sitting area and a private bathroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me know if you need anything.” Dave said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas had thanked him and walked him to the door. He came up behind Dean and laid his hand on Dean’s lower back. Dean leaned into him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What now?” Cas asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever we want.” Dean smiled, and kissed Cas slowly and deeply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I may have some ideas.” Cas said, pulling him back into the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was just their luck that they stumbled onto a case. Dean had showered and was heading downstairs to ask Kevin or Dave for some restaurant recommendations while Cas did the same when he felt a telltale chill in the air. He turned to see a man staring at him. The man looked him up and down, then turned and disappeared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goddammit.” Dean muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walked downstairs with much less enthusiasm. Kevin was seated in the parlor area. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, hey, I think there may be something wrong with your air conditioner. It was just really cold in the hallway. Do you get cold spots like that?” Dean asked, trying to be subtle about their stupid ghost who was going to interrupt his first real vacation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin chuckled. “Oh, that’s just Sebastian. Our resident ghost.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave walked in. “Did Sebastian say hi? Don’t you worry about him. He won’t harm you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean stared at the men. “So, you know you have a ghost?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s New Orleans. Everybody has a ghost.” Dave replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sebastian used to work here, back when it was a brothel. He was a bouncer. One night, he was killed protecting one of the women. He keeps watch over the property. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.” Kevin said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well . . . .” Dave said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, he did throw one of our guests, but that guy deserved it. Decided his girlfriend was a punching bag. Sebastian didn’t like that.” Kevin shrugged. “Sorry if he scared you. Now that he checked you out, he probably won’t bother you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded uncertainly. “Okay, then. Um, I was hoping for some restaurant recommendations.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave rubbed his hands together. “Now that I can help you with. Any dietary restrictions?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean returned to the room still a bit dazed. Cas was stepping out of the bathroom, dressed and toweling off his hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will never guess what just happened.” Dean said. He recounted his conversation with Dave and Kevin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a good thing he is friendly, then.” Cas said. “I don’t even know how you would salt and burn a body here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The cemeteries. They don’t bury their dead. They put them in tombs here where they decompose until they are just bones. As more people die, they slide the bones down to the lower slot or sweep the bones into a hole in the floor or back of the tomb. All the bones end up getting intermingled.” Cas said. “I read about it. It actually seems pretty efficient to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean blinked. “So if we had to salt and burn . . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We would have to pull out a bunch of bones from a bunch of bodies. If we could even get to them.” Cas said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh. That’s interesting. Maybe a little horrifying.” Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can tour the cemeteries, if you want. I hear they are quite beautiful.” Cas offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I am good, Cas. I have had enough cemeteries in my lifetime.” Dean assured him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On their first night, they went to Bourbon Street. You almost had to. It was a rite of passage. It was horrifyingly touristy, too loud, too crowded and horrendously garish with its souvenir shops, strip clubs and neon lights. Still, they ended up having a lot of fun. Maybe a little too much, if they hangover the next morning is anything to go by.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They ended up on the Canal Street side of the quarter by the time they reached Bourbon, so they started on that end, heading back towards their bed and breakfast. Dean dragged Cas into Bourbon Cowboy. He never could pass up a mechanical bull. Cas rolled his eyes and tried to act unimpressed, but Dean saw the heat in his gaze while he rode the bull.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stopped at a restaurant called Remoulade. It had been Dave’s suggestion. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Remoulade is the casual restaurant that shares its kitchen with Arnaud’s, one of the Grand Dames. Arnaud’s is one of the oldest, and most famous creole restaurants in the city. You can get some of the same food you would get in the fancy restaurant next door without having to get dressed up.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He had said. He most certainly hadn’t led them astray. Dean wanted to eat half the menu. He settled for Shrimp Arnaud, jambalaya and pecan pie. He thought Cas might have to roll him out of the restaurant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They visited Pat O’Brien’s for Hurricanes. Cas had insisted they get a second after drinking his first at an alarming clip. Dean knew it was probably a bad idea. Anything that fruity had to be lethal. But it had been a pretty night and Cas had loved the fire fountain. Dean had enjoyed watching him relaxed and happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next stop was Cat’s Meow. Dean was just drunk enough to think karaoke was a good idea, especially with the 3 for 1 drink special they were running. He and Cas decided they would each do a song, primarily because they couldn’t agree on one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sang Eye of the Tiger, and he nailed it, if he did say so himself. The song had struck a particularly strong chord with the audience. Apparently, a lot of people in the bar were LSU fans, and the song had special meaning to them. Dean had never really been much for College Football, but he enjoyed the cheers of the crowd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Cas was called, Dean watched him step up onto the stage. “WOOOOO! That’s my boyfriend!” he yelled. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe I should slow down a bit.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He thought. But come on, Cas looked adorable up there in jeans and a Henley. His hair was slightly tousled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Halo” by Beyonce started playing. Cas knew every word. He didn’t consult the screen once. Dean began laughing and cheering. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s my Agent Beyonce.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When Cas was done, Dean grabbed him and gave him a big kiss. Right in the middle of the bar. Cas stared at him in shock, but Dean was drunk enough that he just couldn’t bring himself to care what a bunch of strangers thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They left and walked down the street. Dean was holding Cas’s hand. “You were amazing. You are amazing.” He kissed Cas again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked at Dean, who was maybe a little (</span>
  <em>
    <span>okay a lot)</span>
  </em>
  <span> drunk and grinned. “And you are drunk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean laughed. “Maybe a bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they crossed over St. Ann, the bars took a decidedly more male turn. Dean stopped to stare at a man, in a speedo, dancing on a bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, your loving boyfriend is over here.” Cas teased. Dean grinned sheepishly. Cas pulled Dean close. “Do you want to dance?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean laughed. “I don’t know if I am that drunk.” but he let himself be pulled into one of the bars and he discovered that he very much liked dancing with Cas. Even to the Beyonce songs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They finished up the night at Clover Grill. It was a tiny place with a row of diner stools along a low slung counter and a smattering of tables. Dean ate a burger with a fried egg on top. Cas went for breakfast. Dean moaned with every bite. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, Cas, this is the best vacation ever.” Dean declared drunkenly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas laughed. “Dean, it’s the first day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t matter. I got you. I got this burger. I couldn’t ask for anything more.” Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled. “You know, I think you are right.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They took it a bit easier the rest of the week. At least with the booze. Cas dragged them on, and Dean was being conservative here, 100 tours. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But perhaps most interesting,” their tour guide had said, “was the fact that the British almost settled in this area. It might not have been French at all, were it not for a quick thinking teenager. Jean-Baptiste Le Moyne de Bienville intended to settle New Orleans, but he ran into substantial British forces just south of New Orleans at a curve in the River. Now, Bienville couldn’t beat an English corvette with 10 cannons, but he didn’t want to give up the area he had chosen. What was a 19 year old with no back up to do? He bluffed! He went out with five men in two canoes and warned the Captain that the area north of them had already been claimed by the French and it was heavily fortified. The Captain believed him and turned around. And that is how New Orleans was created thanks to a famous con. The curve in the River is still known, to this day, as ‘English Turn.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean whispered. “Cool story. Reminds me of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled at him. “Reminds me of you, too. I wonder if he introduced himself with a fake name from one of his favorite musicians.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In addition to the cemetery tour, Dean had vetoed the ghost tour (</span>
  <em>
    <span>“Come on, Cas, I don’t wanna talk about work on my week off”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Dean had said) and the cocktail tour (</span>
  <em>
    <span>“I am sticking to beer for awhile.”</span>
  </em>
  <span>)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stuck mostly to the Quarter, but Cas did sign them up for a Swamp Tour. Dean had thought that the swamp would be right there next to the City, but it was a bit of a drive. It was worth it, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The swamp was beautiful in a creepy, alien way. It was all grays and browns. There was Spanish Moss hanging from the trees. It reminded him of Purgatory and of Benny. The water was calm and the flat bottom boat wasn’t too fast. He sat next to Cas and closed his eyes, enjoying the slight breeze. Well, until they started feeding marshmallows to the alligators, which was a bit freaky. Even for someone who regularly ganked monsters. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jack would love this.” Cas said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, let’s call him.” Dean said. “We can just tell everyone he’s an angel.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas raised his eyebrows, but Dean was already praying. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey, Jack. There’s something you should see. Can you hop on down here?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello.” Jack said behind them. A few of the other people on the boat gasped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, hey Jack. Everyone, this is Jack. He’s an angel.” Dean lied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack looked at Dean questioningly, but he had hunted long enough to know that he should just agree with the cover story. “Hello, everyone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They accepted the story with only slight trepidation. More and more stories were coming out about angels and people were treating them with a mixture of awe and respect. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean grinned. “You gotta see this. The alligators. They eat marshmallows.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack’s eyes widened. “Show him!” Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tour guide picked up where he had left off. Jack stayed until they disembarked, delighted at the entire tour. The tour guide even let him throw marshmallows into the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should build a swamp in Heaven.” He told them. “This was really fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you gotta get back, but it’s good to see you, kiddo.” Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas tilted his head. “You still doing okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded. “Things are going great. The humans have been very creative and the new system has been really smooth. They barely need me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled. “Well, maybe you can visit us more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like that. Until then.” Jack said. And then he waved and disappeared.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*******************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If Cas was all about historical tours and seeing every inch of New Orleans, Dean was all about the food. Everywhere they went, people suggested restaurants for them. They could have stayed a month and still not gotten to all of the food they wanted to try.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s just New Orleans, baby.” one of their servers told them. “We love our food. We even talk about great meals we’ve eaten while we are eating great meals.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had beignets at Cafe du Monde. Cas got powdered sugar everywhere. Dean had wiped some from his nose and then kissed him to taste the sweetness on his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They tried oysters, which Cas declared too slimy, and chargrilled oysters which were sitting in pools of butter. They had both liked those. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you like meat, you have to go to Toups.” said a bartender who sold them to-go beers. Dean had eaten a massive pork chop while Cas had eaten the duck. He had liked the cracklins best of all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t come to New Orleans without trying a roast beef poboy.” The streetcar driver assured them. They went to Johnny’s. Dean had to admit he would never have thought to put beef and gravy on bread, but it had been incredible. Certainly messy, but the woman next to them told them that the number of napkins you needed was the measure of a good poboy. By that standard, this one was amazing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like burgers?” Kevin had told Dean. “You have to go to Port of Call. The secret’s in the meat. They grind it fresh. Just watch out for the drinks.” Kevin had been right. Dean had eaten a lot of burgers in his time, but this one might have been the best. He did avoid the dubious sugary drinks, but Cas had enjoyed his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should go on at least one fancy date. Eat at Commander’s for lunch, but watch the dress code.” one of their tour guides had told them. They had worn their FBI suits, but it had been worth it. Especially the souffle at the end, which was the best non-pie dessert Dean had ever eaten.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know,” Dean had said as he ate a smoky bite of duck gumbo, if I hadn’t been to actual Heaven, I would think this was it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas had laughed and squeezed his hand. “It’s probably a good thing we don’t live here. You would have a heart attack within 5 years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean pointed at him with his spoon. “You sound like my brother. Besides, we have done so much walking. Surely it cancels it out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>************’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But perhaps the most striking thing that happened in New Orleans was a fundamental change in Dean himself. For years, Dean had held back, fearing that Cas didn’t feel the same way. Then it had been fear that others would judge him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whether it was the lack of pressure that came with being on vacation, or the way that nobody seemed to find their relationship particularly surprising in New Orleans, Dean found himself letting go. Letting himself touch Cas. Because he wanted to touch Cas. He wanted to hold his hand and kiss him and lay his head on his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first night, it had been the booze. But maybe his drunken affection had broken down a wall. Because he couldn’t seem to stop holding Cas’s hand. Giving him bites of his food. Touching his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean himself hadn’t even noticed the change until they were on the streetcar. Cas had wanted to see the uptown houses along St. Charles Avenue. It had been a beautiful day and they sat next to each other on the small streetcar bench looking at the mansions along the oak-lined street.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas was pressed up against his shoulder and Dean longed to hold him tight. He was tired. Tired of worrying about what other people thought. Tired of worrying what a father who wasn’t even around anymore thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I didn’t fight this hard to save the world, this hard for free will, just to live by someone else’s rules. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean slung his arm around Cas and Cas leaned into him. He pulled him closer, kissing Cas’s cheek and whispering in his ear “I love you.” Cas had beamed back at him and Dean decided then and there that he didn’t care about what anyone else thought as long as he could see that smile again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, Dean.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So the first portion of this chapter was thanks to DJ Qualls. He gave me the sads with his Dean birthday video and I realized I needed to see his reaction to the news that the world had changed for him. But then I devolved into Dad!Dean and Dad!Cas cuteness and I refuse to apologize. Ha! If you are curious, Sam and Castiel are approximately 1.5 in this fic, because that’s my daughter’s age and everything they did was based on something she has done in the past week or so. Hehe.</p><p>The stop in Nachitoches was really to avoid Shreveport, but it is an adorable little town known for its Christmas celebration. Also, I like blowing people’s mind that it is pronounced “Nack-ah-tish.” </p><p>The New Orleans thing was 100% because I just want to feed Dean in my hometown. I do, however, think it would be a good choice for them. I know the popular choice is the beach, and I may still send them there, but I do think that they would like to be in a more urban environment and I think Nola has a special blend of food and history that would hit well. Plus it is LGBTQ+ friendly which was important for the minor character development within the major fluff piece.</p><p>The B&amp;B was entirely fictional, but the restaurants and bars were real as were the meals. The story of English Turn is also real and one of my favorites. Something about Bienville reminds me of Dean. I thought he would love it. </p><p>The karaoke was inspired by “Yellow Fever,” obviously, for Dean, and Cas’s badge for him. Alternative option was going to be “No Angel.” Hee. I know it was slightly OOC, but they were drunk, your honor.</p><p>They really do feed alligators marshmallows on these tours. As far as I understand, it is not harmful to the gators, beyond the fact that they may grow accustomed to getting food without hunting and/or become aggressive. They also sometimes feed them hot dogs, which is probably closer to their diet but which was slightly grosser from a story perspective, so I hope you will forgive me for the marshmallows (though, again, it seems that gators will eat anything and they aren’t actually harmful). I don’t recommend feeding them from your mouth like this guy: https://abcnews.go.com/News/daring-swamp-tour-guide-feeds-gator-marshmallow-mouth/story?id=24099710. As a “Gertie” fun fact aside, Gators even eat sharks. I know that because of my own “Gertie” who is obsessed with sharks rather than bees. </p><p>Oh, and 100% half the city has a ghost and will tell you casually in conversation. I don’t even know if the city is super haunted or the culture just accepts/believes that ghosts exist. The burial description was accurate, though. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Sixteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Prepare for tooth rotting fluff. There's a proposal and a wedding and talk of the future. It's pure fluffy fluff with a side of marshmallow fluff.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, yeah. I mean maybe. Not something big, but with Sammy and the kids and, you know, a few people we loved. It might be okay." Dean said.</p><p>Cas looked amused. "Dean Winchester, are you proposing to me?"</p><p>Shit. Was he? Did he want to be? Because he was blowing it. Suddenly he realized with clarity: First, he did want that. A chance to declare that he was in this forever. A chance to celebrate them. Second, he was absolutely not proposing with the words: It might be okay.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: angst, references to prior discriminatory laws</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was their last day in New Orleans. Dean talked Cas into a quiet day. No tours. Nowhere to be. They wandered around aimlessly all morning stopping in shops but mainly just enjoying the quiet of early morning in the Quarter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean bought Sam and Eileen a painting in Jackson Square. It wasn't much. Just a quiet sunset over the water. Dean figured it would look nice in their new house. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas picked out a ridiculous alligator shirt for Jack, that said "Later, Gator."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Cas, God can't wear an alligator t-shirt while he is doing God things." Dean had argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas had shut the argument down. "It will be for home. When he visits. It will be for us. Something to remind him that he can be a kid too. That he's our kid. That he belongs with us too. "</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A lump had formed in Dean's throat. He and the kid had worked hard to repair their relationship. He wanted nothing more than some lazy nights playing board games and watching movies while Jack wore that silly shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Claire had been tougher, but they had settled on a necklace that had a vial of holy water and a small angel wing charm on it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a beautiful day. A slight breeze was coming off the River. They decided to have lunch at Crescent Park. The park lay just beyond the riverbend, giving them a view of the skyline and the bridge set against the water. They ate fried shrimp poboys and shared a six pack of beer on a borrowed blanket from their hosts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean felt whatever tension remaining in his body slowly drain away as he watched the boats go by. Cas sat next to him, arm angled behind Dean and chin on his shoulder.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean wished this moment could stretch forever. Full, loved, safe and happy. It was all he had ever truly wanted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This is perfect. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He thought. So of course he had to go and ruin it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had been running so long, always preparing for the next catastrophe, that Dean had gotten accustomed to the idea that they were just waiting for the other shoe to drop. His peace faded as a spike of anxiety ran through him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What if it's only this good because we are on vacation? What happens tomorrow when we head home? I have nothing to offer Cas. Nothing to give. I don't have a job. Don't have a plan. My only skills are related to hunting, which is all but done now. Tomorrow we will go home and Cas will realize that he gave up being an angel to live with a middle aged loser who doesn't even know how to be a good partner in a lightless bunker full of bad memories. I will drive him away or he will end up resenting me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>A sharp pain went through his chest at the thought of losing Cas. And not because of monsters or interference from Heaven or a primordial goo entity. No, this time it would be all him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he tensed up, or maybe Cas just knew him too well, because he turned towards Dean, his own contentment fading as his forehead crinkled in concern. "Dean, what's wrong?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nothing, dude." Dean lied. "I am just gonna be sore if we don't get off the ground soon."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas gave him a skeptical look. "Dean." He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked into those blue eyes, and something broke inside of him. He fought tears. "What do we do now?" Dean asked shakily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas put his hand on Dean's face. "Whatever we want, Dean. We can do anything."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean laughed, but it was harsh. Sad. "Yeah. It's a little late for me to be a major league baseball player."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas tilted his head. "Do you want to be a major league baseball player?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No." Dean said, pulling back and running his hands down his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then what's the problem?" Cas asked. "I don't understand."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm too old to be starting over and I don't exactly have a lot of marketable skills." Dean said. He tried to laugh but it came out forced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean," Cas said gently, "I was millions of years old when I met you and it feels like my life started on that day. Certainly, it began anew, inexorably changed. It's never too late to start over. What do you want to do? What do you want?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't know, Cas. That's the problem. I'm a simple guy. I mean, I like restoring cars, but who knows if that would ever be profitable." Dean said. "What if I start a business and it fails? We could end up with nothing."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We have both been with nothing before, Dean. All I need is you." Cas said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean felt white hot tears. "I should be able to give you everything."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled and kissed him. "You already have." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sighed. "I don't know where to begin."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas held his hand. "We don't have to answer that now."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded. "What about you? What do you want?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas leaned against him. "I was thinking about teaching. I like kids and I could teach languages. I speak all of them. Or maybe history."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean imagined Cas in front of a classroom speaking another language. "Mmm. I would have liked high school a lot better if the teachers had looked like you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean." Cas said, exasperation in his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled, the last of his anxiety dissipating as he imagined it. Cas getting up and heading to school. Dean working on old cars, lovingly restoring them. It wasn't a bad dream. In fact, it was a very good dream. Maybe Cas could have a garden and Dean could make meals with vegetables he grew. Sam and Eileen could come visit. Have dinner. Maybe Jack in that shirt or Jody and Donna and the girls. Or Garth and the family. Charlie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Endless quiet nights with his family stretched out in front of him. But the most important thing was those blue eyes looking back at him with love. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I wonder if his hair will turn gray. He would look handsome with gray hair. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dean thought. He remembered Cas's words at the bar. About how he wanted to grow old together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Cas? Did you mean it? That you want to grow old with me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas tilted his head. "Of course. I want to grow old together and beyond. I want forever with you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sucked in a breath. "Me too." He whispered. Barely able to voice it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas kissed him, slowly and deeply. "Well, there you go."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A thought occurred to Dean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you think we should get married? I mean, if we are doing this . . . us? Is that something you want?" Dean asked </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked confused. "We are married. We have the certificate and everything."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, yeah. I mean, technically. But we never did the whole 'I do' thing. Is that something you want?" Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas was quiet for a moment. "I never really thought about it, but I guess it would be nice. Is it something you would want?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, yeah. I mean maybe. Not something big, but with Sammy and the kids and, you know, a few people we loved. It might be okay." Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked amused. "Dean Winchester, are you proposing to me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit. Was he? Did he want to be? Because he was blowing it. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Suddenly he realized with clarity: First, he did want that. A chance to declare that he was in this forever. A chance to celebrate them. Second, he was absolutely not proposing with the words:</span>
  <em>
    <span> It might be okay</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a breath. "No." Dean said and Cas's face fell just a tiny bit. Nothing you would notice if you hadn't made a habit of staring at him for years. "Sorry, no, not like this. Here, just . . . Can you stand up?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas stood up, looking more confused until Dean knelt before him. Then he smiled. A big, wide grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please let me get this right. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dean thought. He wondered if that counted as a prayer. Wondered if Cas would have heard it with his grace. It gave him an idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Cas, I have knelt before you in prayer, placing my faith in you even when . . . especially when all hope was lost. I have knelt before you, placing my life in your hands, trusting that your love would save me. I have knelt before your body . . ." tears flowed down his face and his voice broke. He took a breath. "I have knelt before your body, wishing it was me instead. Wishing that my love for you was enough to bring you home. I have knelt before you in faith and trust and grief. Today, I kneel before you in love, and I offer you everything I have. Will you build a life with me? Will you be my forever? Will you marry me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas was crying too, a huge grin plastered across his face. "Yes, Dean. Yes." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean hopped up, a little stiffly but he didn't care. He kissed Cas. It wasn't graceful and their lips were salty with tears, but they slotted their mouths together and didn't pull away until a sob escaped Cas's throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean placed his forehead gently on Cas's. "Hi." he whispered. "Hello, Dean" Cas replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Behind them two runners began clapping. Dean hadn't even noticed them. "Congratulations!" One of them yelled as they passed, her blonde ponytail swinging. Dean began laughing, relief and joy flooding his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were still grinning like complete idiots when they walked into the bed and breakfast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Welcome back!" Kevin said. "Look at you two. What's gotten into you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Were getting married." Dean said, staring into Cas's blue eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I thought you were already married." Kevin said, a slight hint of confusion in his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit. Really nailed that one, Dean.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, technically we are." Cas supplied. "But we never got to have a wedding."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ahhh." Kevin said, a note of understanding in his voice. "Yeah, Dave and I have three anniversaries."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave walked in, overhearing the last bit. He smiled up at Kevin. "Yep, three excuses to make this one take me out on a fancy date night. All part of my plan."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin roared, his laugh filling the room. He looked at Dean and Cas. "We had a ceremony 25 years ago. It wasn't legally binding, of course. We had to sign a bunch of estate planning documents too. The romance of a Will and and a Power of Attorney." He sighed jokingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave hit him. "Stop, it was romantic."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin smiled back. "It was. Then </span>
  <em>
    <span>Obergefell</span>
  </em>
  <span> happened and we ran to the Courthouse to make it legal. Dave was worried it would get overturned."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave looked solemn. "I was. I have never been happier to be wrong."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin looked like he wanted to make a joke, but he pulled Dave in for a kiss instead. "Same." He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin smiled again. "So this one then decided he wanted another wedding. Cost an arm and a leg." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave rolled his eyes. "And I was worth every penny." He teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You were." Kevin said seriously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Will you listen to us?" Dave said. "Prattling on about ourselves. Hold on a sec." He ran from the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin grinned. "Congratulations, you two. I hope you have many happy years together. And, uh, Dave and I have some important business to attend to in the library. You are the last guests until check in at 4, as it happens."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave ran back in with a bottle of champagne on ice. "Compliments of the B and B." He proclaimed, handing the bucket to Dean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Come on, dear, we </span>
  <em>
    <span>have to do that thing.</span>
  </em>
  <span>" Kevin said, pulling Dave's arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave nodded. "What? Of course, </span>
  <em>
    <span>that thing.</span>
  </em>
  <span>"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled and pulled Cas towards the stairs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean, were they acting strangely? I don't think there is something they need to do in the library at all."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean chuckled. "Cas, they were telling us we would have some privacy."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
  <span>" Cas's eyes darkened. "Well, I can think of a few ways to enjoy some privacy."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean grinned and pulled him to their room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After, they laid in bed. Dean was on his back with Cas laying on his shoulder, legs intertwined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A terrible thought occurred to Dean. "Cas, do we have to invite ALL your siblings. Because you have a lot."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas thought for a moment. "I don't think so. I am not even sure they would want to come."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why not?" Dean asked. I thought you were on good terms now."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We are." Cas said. "It's just . . . there isn’t really a protocol here and I don't know that they would even be interested."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why wouldn't they be interested?" Dean asked, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, marriage is a human concept. Angels are forbidden from marrying. Forbidden from so much as dating."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean thought about it. "Because you are siblings?" He asked. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That did make sense.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"No. Yes. Well not precisely. The reason is more that we are not permitted to favor one angel over others. You may get along with one better, but dating and marriage means putting one person above others. The old wisdom is that angels are not permitted to love or . . . oh." Cas went quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh?" Dean asked. "What? What oh?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas began giggling. "Sorry. We are not permitted to love because we might put that person above our duty. We might defy Heaven. We might rebel."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean began laughing too. "Well, I suppose they were right about that."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mmmm." Cas said into Dean's neck. "It was worth it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Damn right." Dean murmured, kissing Cas. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They left early the next morning and drove straight through, taking turns behind the wheel. It was dark when they pulled in, but not too terribly late. Miracle greeted them with a wagging tail and wet kisses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, boy. I told you we'd be back. Okay, I know. I missed you, too." Dean murmured to the dog.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Your brother missed you, too." Sam teased behind them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, yeah. Keep your panties on." Dean said, teasingly. He stood and wrapped his brother in a hug. Behind him Eileen walked in with . . . </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jack?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jack! What are you doing here? Is everything okay? Did something happen?" Cas asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack shook his head. "No, just a visit." He looked like he wanted to say more. He was rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He just showed up a little while ago. Said you were almost home." Eileen said, shrugging.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked at Cas. "Well, you can always visit." He said. They exchanged hugs and headed to the kitchen to grab a beer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was looking between Dean and Cas expectantly. "Jack, you okay?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned. "Yes. Very okay." </span>
  <em>
    <span>He knows. How does he know? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dean thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How was the trip?" Eileen asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Great." He looked at Cas who nodded. "We have some news." Jack was practically vibrating to Dean’s left. "Cas and I are getting married." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam clapped his hands together. "About time you made it official." He wrapped them in a huge hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was very romantic!" Jack offered. They all stared at him. "I know you said I shouldn't watch you, but Dean DID pray for the right words." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I . . . Jack, did you help me?" Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I didn't have to." He beamed. "He spoke from his heart." He told Eileen and Sam. "He talked about how he gets on his knees for Cas."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh . . .um." Sam said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not like that!" Dean snapped, feeling his face heat up. He was probably bright red. "Um, I said I had been on my knees in prayer and in mourning and in battle, but now it was in love. And some other mushy stuff." Everyone was smiling at him with identical sappy grins. "Shut up."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nobody said anything." Sam teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean rolled his eyes. "You were looking at me loudly. How is the househunt?" Dean said, changing the subject. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We actually had a thought on that." Sam said. He looked at Eileen, who nodded encouragingly. "So get this. According to the land records, the Men of Letters bought up acres of land above the bunker. Eileen figured it out." He smiled at her. "She figured they wouldn't want people building on top of it. It might allow someone to tunnel in or something."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Makes sense." Dean said. "So who owns it now?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We do. Well, sort of. They bought it in the name of a non-profit corporation and the bylaws provide that the Directors are the residents of the bunker. So we technically control the Corporation. We can sell some of the land, build on it, sell the timber. Whatever we want."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So, theoretically, we could sell off some of the land or timber and use the money to, say, start a business or build a house?" Cas said, smiling at Dean. "Or both."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Exactly." Sam said, smiling. "And that means we don't have to find the perfect place. We can build it. We were thinking two houses, walking distance from each other. Near the bunker entrance in case we needed the resources here."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That sounds perfect." Cas said, smiling at Dean. Dean's heart fluttered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It really does." Dean agreed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The wedding was a small one. Just family. Sam and Eileen, of course. Donna, Jody and the girls. Patience. Garth, Bess and the kids. Charlie and Stevie. Rowena, Bela and Crowley. Amara (Jack had insisted that she counted as family too. Apparently they had grown quite close while she had been inhabiting him). Anna, and despite Dean's grumbling, Gabriel with a date on each arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They decided to hold the ceremony in a barn they had built on the property. "I promise I won't stab you or shoot you this time." Dean had joked to Cas. "No promises on Gabe, though."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gertie served as flower girl. Cas had picked out a bright yellow dress for her with a black ribbon. There were bees embroidered on the skirt. Bess said later that she slept in it and refused to take it off for three days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean had expected to be nervous. He wasn't good with all of this "expressing your feelings" stuff. But as he walked down the aisle next to Sam in front of his family, all he could think was: </span>
  <em>
    <span>This is right. This is how it should be. This is what we fought for. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas had insisted on walking down the aisle second, so Dean and all eyes had been fixed in the door when he walked in, escorted by Anna.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean's heart nearly stopped. Cas was beaming. It soon became apparent why he insisted on the final entrance when the lights popped behind him. Anna's doing, no doubt. Dean laughed, his chest tight as he remembered the first time he had seen Cas, the first time he had stared into those blue eyes. This terrifying celestial force. Beautiful and dangerous and undeniably sexy. He had been lost even then, he just hadn't realized it yet. Amara would say later that Dean's soul had burned so brightly when he saw Cas, that she had been forced to look away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You are so dramatic." He teased Cas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And you love it." Cas growled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I do." Dean said seriously, and was rewarded with a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack officiated. It gave new meaning to the part of the ceremony where he said "What God has joined together let no man put asunder." They had opted for a fairly traditional ceremony, but they struck "till death do us part," instead promising to love and honor one another "forever." </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"We know firsthand that death will not separate us." Cas had said. "And it certainly won't dull how I feel about you." His emotions welling in his chest, Dean had started to tell him to cut the romantic shit out, but Cas had kissed him quiet. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Claire read a poem that she had chosen for the occasion. She absolutely refused to allow either of them to read it in advance. When they had asked, she had rolled her eyes. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"You just have to trust me." She had said.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled at them as she took her place at the front. "Angels and Outlaws, by Vince Suzadail, Jr." She read:</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>Come and sit here by the fire</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Watch the flickering firelight</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Let me touch your lips with mine</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Will you keep me warm tonight</span>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <span>I've been here reminiscing</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Just feeling kind of sad</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Wondering why angels love outlaws </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>And all the times we had</span>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <span>We've been through Hell together</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Feeling the pleasure and the pain</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Stood side by side against the world</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>In the sunshine and the rain</span>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <span>Outlaws live their lives on the edge</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Their castles built with sand</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Why angels fall in love with them</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>It's hard to understand</span>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <span>So while we're sitting by this fire</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>And thinking of all the times you cried</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>This outlaw loves his angel</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>I want you forever by my side.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean felt himself tearing up. He looked at Cas, which didn't help. He was looking at Dean with watery eyes. "Ok, I guess she kind of nailed it, huh?" Cas smiled and nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Claire hugged them both on her way back to her seat. Dean could see she was trying to keep her own emotions in check.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Claire, that was perfect." Cas said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It really was. Kaia help you pick it out?" Dean teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smirked.  "Enjoy marrying the reanimated corpse of my dead Dad." She whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed. It was a loud, shocked, undignified sound. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She gets that from you." Cas said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. "Yeah, I probably earned that one."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Claire returned to her seat next to Kaia. She whispered something to her. Kaia laughed and then mouthed to Dean:</span>
  <em>
    <span> I did help her. You're welcome.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When the time came to exchange the vows they had written, Dean felt a sudden spike of nerves. He took a breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not really good at this whole expressing my emotions thing. You may have picked up on that when it took me over a decade to tell you I love you." Everyone laughed. "But I do love you. So much. I never thought that I could have this. That we could have this. I never thought you could love me the way that I love you and I feel so incredibly lucky to have been wrong. You're my best friend. You're my family. You're everything. I love you, Cas. And I will be yours forever."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas was looking at him with his watery blue eyes. He knew it wasn't exactly poetry, but Cas seemed to appreciate it, and that was what mattered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dean, I have seen oceans form and mountains crumble. I have seen the stars in the sky and the wonders of the deepest oceans, but never have I seen anything as beautiful as you. From the moment I grasped your soul, I was forever changed. You taught me a love I had never known. I love you. I will always love you. So long as I exist, so long as there is any piece of me in existence, it will love you, Dean."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean felt a tear roll down his cheek. "Cas." He whispered, his heart full of love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After that they recited vows and exchanged the rings. They had selected simple rings, made with silver and iron. A blacksmith friend of Charlie's had forged them and Sam had infused them with a protection spell. They were practical for a hunter, but Dean hoped they never had to use them for that purpose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Jack gave them the word, he pulled Cas close, put his hand on his face and kissed him deeply. Dean's heart soared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I guess good things really do happen." He told Cas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled, and they turned to greet their family. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean had expected it would be Gabriel who caused problems at the reception, but it was actually Claire and Jack. Jack loved Claire and was constantly trying to impress her. Claire, being a big sister, decided to mess with Jack. She began to dare him to do increasingly ridiculous things. Cas finally had to step in and use his "dad voice" when the guests started growing tails. Dean stood behind him trying to look stern and also making a note to have Cas use his dad voice more often.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel mostly stuck with his dates. They looked familiar to Dean, but he couldn’t place them until Charlie grabbed his arm and said: "Dude, did your brother-in-law bring two porn stars from Casa Erotica to your wedding?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Weirdly, Gabriel didn't even end up going home with them. He and Crowley got way too drunk and disappeared halfway through the reception. Dean didn't want to think about that too closely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jody and Donna got all mushy on the dance floor much to their daughters' horror. "I am gonna need medical attention when I vomit, Alex." Claire had teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh please, you and Kaia are just as gross." Alex shot back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Claire pulled a face while Kaia threw her head back and laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garth got trashed after a couple of beers and he ended up sleeping it off in the corner while Bess chased the kids around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anna and Amara ended up bonding over work woes. "All I am saying," Anna said, "is that we are angels. We aren't dead. Would it kill us to have a little fun?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam got teary and emotional. He spent 20 minutes telling Dean how proud he was and how much he loved him. Another 20 telling Cas how happy he was to officially be his brother. Eventually they handed him off to Eileen and last Dean saw, he was telling her how lucky he was to have her and how amazing she was. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I mean, he isn't wrong. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dean had signed to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They danced, with the kids stealing the show, drank and ate way too much. And then he got to take Cas home. It was the best night of Dean's life. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Y'all I hate writing weddings. I hated planning my own. I begged to elope. I wasn't going to do a wedding in this fic, but then the proposal basically wrote itself. It worked and I liked it and sometimes my characters have minds of their owns despite my best efforts. So, we got a wedding. </p><p>I also loved working in Kevin and Dave's story about their three anniversaries. I think most of us in the community know couples with multiple wedding anniversaries. I certainly do. Plus, I was an estate planner and worked on wills and powers of attorney as described. So it was a personal piece to throw in. </p><p>Because the maritime law practice won't let me not correct it, they are "vessels" or "barges" and not "boats," and you will get some serious side eye if you call them boats. But Dean would call them boats like a normal person. </p><p>My corporate and real estate law sides came out too with the ownership of the land. Sorry, everyone. I'm a nerd. But I think it's a good solution. Not just because I love the image of Dean taking old cars that most people might think are beyond repair and lovingly restoring them, but also because I love the idea that they will literally build a life together. Sam will get the house he dreamed of. Dean will get his family dinners. Cas will get his garden full of bees. And Eileen will get peace and sunny mornings far away from the ugliness that took her life. </p><p>The wedding and the reception actually ended up being fun to write. I couldn't help but insert a little humor and I think Claire (Google) found the perfect poem. </p><p>One more fluffy coda to go. It's gonna be a beast to write.  Basically the entire gang again for a big, fluffy family celebration after a time jump. So sit tight, but  it should be fun and silly. </p><p> </p><p>Links to the described necklace and rings. </p><p>https://www.etsy.com/listing/583820598/archangel-michael-holy-water-pendant?ga_order=most_relevant&amp;ga_search_type=all&amp;ga_view_type=gallery&amp;ga_search_query=holy+water+necklace&amp;ref=sr_gallery-1-1</p><p>https://www.etsy.com/listing/628287745/silver-and-iron-ring-unique-mens-ring?utm_source=google&amp;utm_medium=cpc&amp;utm_campaign=Search_US_DSA_GGL_Page-Feeds_Jewelry-A&amp;utm_ag=jewelry%252B%3E%252Brings%252B%3E%252Bbands&amp;utm_custom1=_k_Cj0KCQiAmfmABhCHARIsACwPRAAaihxOXsF3HJx6xTEGgAyFaC_Xy_qEZYk3p9WEy2zs4IY7pEMI5WIaAi8GEALw_wcB_k_&amp;utm_content=go_2016681535_75136140422_473250800048_aud-457997893326:dsa-814297915591_m_147837612235&amp;utm_custom2=2016681535&amp;gclid=Cj0KCQiAmfmABhCHARIsACwPRAAaihxOXsF3HJx6xTEGgAyFaC_Xy_qEZYk3p9WEy2zs4IY7pEMI5WIaAi8GEALw_wcB</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Seventeen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It’s a lot of fluff and some crack. The final chapter focuses on the extended TFW family and what would happen if they attended a baby shower, given that none of them have ever done anything quite so normal. What kind of gifts would they bring? What would the party be like? It is a whole lot of silly fun with some really sweet interludes and a meaningful brother moment at the end. It’s what we have been working towards, y’all. Peace. A happy ending. A future and all that jazz.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: This one is pretty fluffy. There is some alcohol. I also feel compelled to mark the fact that this is a baby shower, which I wasn’t huge on when I went through infertility hell. It’s light on the baby talk, heavy on the weird ass baby presents that the TFW extended bunker family would bring, but if you feel the necessity to skip, jump on down to the last section which is VERY light on the baby talk and which has the BM.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jody and Donna insisted on throwing a baby shower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were the one who ran off to Vegas and eloped without inviting any of us. You better believe we are doing this.” Donna said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jody smiled wryly. “Donna is determined, Eileen. You can’t fight it, you may as well just go along with it. Trust me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen laughed. She did feel a small stab of guilt about the wedding. It had been just eight months since Dean and Cas had dragged Eileen and Sam to Vegas to celebrate their anniversary. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, you two deserve a little fun.” Dean had argued. “All you do is work, work, work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All had been lost when Sam turned on the puppy dog eyes. “It sounds fun, babe. I think we should do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In retrospect, she should have recognized that it was a set-up. Sam may have made a living out of lying for decades, but Eileen had a built in bullshit detector. She usually sensed it when he was trying to be sneaky. Especially about them. He usually got all heart-eyed and flustered around her when he was planning something. But somehow, she had been shocked when he dropped to one knee in front of the Bellagio Fountains while Dean and Cas looked on taking pictures and grinning like idiots.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later, at dinner, they had been talking about wedding plans and her heart had started to drop further and further into her stomach. She didn’t want to be a downer. Didn’t want to hurt Sam. She was happy. She WAS, but she also couldn’t shake the grief that sat heavy in her heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam noticed. Of course he noticed. He knew her so well. “Eileen,” he signed, eyes wide with concern, “what is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had been tempted to lie, but those damn puppy eyes came out again. She sighed. “I don’t have anyone to give me away. Don’t have anyone who will be there for just me. My parents are dead. So is Lillian. I love our family, the family we have built. But I can’t see myself dress shopping and walking down the aisle. I want to be married to you, but I don’t know if I want a wedding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want you to be happy.” Sam replied. “We don’t have to do anything big. We don’t have to do anything at all. I just want to spend the rest of our lives together. Whatever that looks like. We got a second chance. I already feel like I won.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen had felt simultaneously comforted and miserable. She looked down at the ring Sam had chosen for her. An emerald, to remind her of home. It was beautiful. Probably the most delicate and the most valuable thing she had ever owned. Life as a hunter hadn’t exactly left a lot of room for jewelry or sentimentality. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you just elope?” Dean had asked, looking around. “We are in Vegas. This is literally the place you run away to. Cas can give you away, right dude?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked over at Cas, who brightened. “It would be a great honor to give you away, Eileen.” Cas said “I know I am not technically family and I cannot replace those that you lost, but I consider our bond to be very special.” Unlike Dean and Sam, Cas had been fluent in sign language from day one. They had grown very close over the years, bonding over the trials and tribulations of loving a Winchester. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had agreed and they were married the next day and she hadn’t regretted it for a second. Except that she did feel just a little guilty about the fact that they hadn’t included any of the extended family. Not guilty enough to feel actual regret, just guilty enough that Eileen “never been to a shower of any kind” Winchester found herself in a floofy, ruffled maternity dress with her hair curled on top of her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt as big as a house. Her ankles were so swollen, they didn’t even indent. She was having shooting pains through her hips and she had to pee every 30 minutes like clockwork. And yet, she found herself sitting on the couch, with her feet propped up and a mocktail in hand, grinning like a complete idiot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam ran by and kissed her on the top of the head. He was helping Donna put the last finishing touches on everything. Jody was seated next to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How ya feeling?” She asked, facing towards Eileen so she could read her lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you know. Pregnant.” Eileen laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jody nodded. “With my son,” she stopped, a shadow of sadness passing across her face, but she brightened again covering the pain, “I remember that by the time I got to this point, I was just ready for them to get him out of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen laughed brightly. “I can’t sleep and I have to pee all the time, so I feel the same way at the moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat another moment in the calm before the storm. Then Eileen saw the doorbell flash. She started to get up, putting her feet down and angling her belly forward to swing into a standing position. Jody put a hand on her. “You stay here. I got it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen smiled. She could get used to this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*******************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean, Cas and Jack were the first to arrive. Cas was holding a large and poorly wrapped box. Dean had beer. Sam took the beer from him and threw it in the fridge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You know, we have booze for the party." Sam teased Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, but it's a baby shower." He said shrugging. "I didn't wanna get stuck drinking, like, mimosas or something girly." Sam sighed. They were serving beer too, but he supposed it was nice that Dean had contributed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Where are the girls?" Dean asked as he hugged Donna and Jody.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"They're on their way." Jody assured him. "Claire claimed she had a few things to do back at the bunker, but I think she just didn't want to get roped into setting everything up."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Smart kid. She gets that from me." Dean teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Several of the guests were staying at the bunker.  Both sets of Winchesters had offered their guest rooms, but everyone seemed to prefer the spread out accommodations of the bunker where there were private rooms and multiple showers. They had all had dinner over there last night. Sam had worried about Eileen walking that late (she seemed to really swell up at night) but she wouldn't hear of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm pregnant, Sam. Women have been doing this since the beginning of time. I will be fine." She had said. But she had smiled when she said it. He hoped she knew that Sam's protectiveness was because he loved her. Maybe she even appreciated having someone worry over her, but she wouldn't admit it to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How was Heaven?" Sam asked Jack. Jack had been living with Dean and Cas almost full time, with frequent sleepovers with Sam and Eileen. He was attending the local high school, where Cas taught Latin and French. Sam was pretty sure Dean would have gone crazy on day one if Cas hadn't been there to watch over him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things had changed so much since Jack remade the world. People were big fans of angels and even ex-angels. They had been met with a certain amount of awe and once they started healing people, well most people had wanted them around. Cas had outed himself as an ex-angel when he started working at the school. He hadn’t wanted to have to explain away his social miscues now that angels were understood and known. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Jack had been another story. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey, we would like to register the son of Lucifer and current deity for school. </span>
  </em>
  <span>That was probably too much, too fast. So they had gone with something as close to the truth as possible. He had been registered as the adopted son of Dean and Cas. Cas, as a former angel, had explained that he was the child of an angel and a human, both of whom had passed away. It had helped that the school had also hired his “Aunt Anna,” an angel, to serve as counselor at the school. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack wasn’t exactly having the typical high school experience (not that Sam knew what that was like anyway), but he was happy and making friends. Sam helped him with homework frequently. Sometimes, he got the feeling Jack was pretending he needed more help than he did just to spend time together, but Sam didn’t mind. It was nice having him around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Occasionally, Jack’s duties in Heaven did interfere. He had to make regular trips to check up on everything. And there was that one unfortunate time where Indra appeared in the cafeteria to pull Jack away for an urgent issue. Still, the trips were becoming less and less frequent as things became routine, and that was a relief for everyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heaven was good.” Jack assured Sam. “Everyone says hello.” Jack frowned as if he wanted to say something else, but he shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Sam asked. “Did something happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Jack said. “Well, sort of. I have a message for you, but I don’t know if I should tell you right now. I am . . . not sure if this is the appropriate time.” Jack sometimes struggled with social cues and Sam felt a little surge of emotion, both pride that Jack was getting better at anticipating these types of issues and sadness that he felt like he had to adjust for his family. He looked at Dean who shrugged. Whatever the message was, it wasn’t something he had shared with Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I am sure I can handle it, Jack. It’s about someone who is gone, right?” Sam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, but they are okay, right? You don’t have to tell me someone was sent to Hell or something, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, shoot then. And Jack? You can alway tell me anything, okay? You don’t have to hide things for my feelings.” Sam said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded. “Jessica visited me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My Jess? Um, I mean Jessica Moore?” Sam asked, taking a breath. He looked at Eileen guiltily who was following the conversation with interest. She gave him a little nod as if to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>it’s okay. I know you loved her. </span>
  </em>
  <span>How did Sam get this lucky? Seriously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack smiled. “Yes, Jessica Moore. She is very pretty, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam blushed slightly and nodded. He thought about Jess. She had supported him. Helped him figure out who he wanted to be. She probably wouldn’t even recognize him now. He was so far from the kid he had been at Stanford. He hoped she would at least be proud of who he had become. “Yeah, um, so she had a message for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nodded. “She apparently ran into a mutual friend from Stanford who asked if she had heard that God’s dad had been at Stanford with them. That’s you.” Jack grinned. “She wanted me to tell you,” he looked up as if remembering, “that she doesn’t blame you. That she hopes you have been able to find peace. And that she is happy. Really happy. She is seeing someone and she has created a really, um, 'dope world where there is magic and stuff.'”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam felt something give way. A sharp edge of grief softening into something easier, kinder. He smiled with affection at the memory of her. She had been so young. So full of life. To know it wasn’t over for her? Well, it was more comforting than he could have predicted. “Um, thanks Jack. That is actually really good to hear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack beamed. “So you are happy I gave you the message?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very.” Sam said. “And even happier that you made it possible. You’ve done good, kid.” Sam said, hugging him tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment was interrupted by the door being thrown open behind them. “The party can start, bitches, cause we are here.” yelled Charlie, her arm around Claire. She was followed by Stevie and the other girls. They had apparently walked over from the bunker together. Jack’s face lit up and he ran over to greet them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the guests began trickling in. Dean walked over to Sam. “Dude, why did you invite </span>
  <em>
    <span>Crowley</span>
  </em>
  <span> to the baby shower?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t! Gabriel brought him!” Sam said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “What’s Crowley doing with Gabriel? Doesn’t he have things to do in Demon Hell?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam smirked. “Apparently, Demon Hell is running fine without him and he has been on some sort of road trip with Gabriel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously?” Dean asked. “I am scared to think about what those two may be up to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t ask. I didn’t dare. I don’t have any desire to wake up to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Heat of the Moment</span>
  </em>
  <span> and argue with you about eating Pig in a Poke while I wait for a piano to fall on your head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They looked over at the demon and the former angel. Gabriel was whispering something into Crowley’s ear with a conspiratorial grin on his face. Crowley smiled a mildly malevolent grin in turn. “Good call.” Dean said, patting him on the back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam sat next to Eileen to help open presents. Everyone was gathered around, watching them. It was nice to feel all the love and support. Sam realized he was glad Eileen was getting this. It wasn’t something she would ever have done for herself, and she deserved it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first present up was from Claire and Kaia. They watched with thinly veiled anticipation as Eileen unwrapped a wooden box with intricate carvings. Inside was a dagger with lines of copper and silver. The blade contained intricate runes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it great?” Claire asked. “I know it will be a little while before the baby can use it, but every kid needs a first dagger. This one is pretty all purpose. It has silver and copper and Kaia applied some spellwork she learned from Sam. It will kill pretty much any run-of-the-mill monster. Plus, feel the balance!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen grinned. “It’s perfect.” she said. "Some day, you can teach the baby to use it.” Kaia and Claire grinned at each other, thrilled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Next up was Anna. She handed Eileen a small white box. Inside, wrapped in tissue paper was an ancient cloth. Eileen took it out and looked up at Anna questioningly. “It’s a portion of Jesus’s blanket.” she said proudly. “It will give you a healthy remaining pregnancy and delivery.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen looked down in shock. Her ankles were back to normal. She looked up at Anna. “DId my ankles just . . . ?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anna nodded proudly and looked slightly sheepish. “Perhaps I should have given it to you sooner. I didn’t realize that the late stages of pregnancy were so uncomfortable, having never been pregnant myself. I suppose I should have guessed, but . . . “</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. It’s great. Thank you, Anna. It is a very thoughtful gift.” Eileen said. Sam grinned at her. She gave him a look that said </span>
  <em>
    <span>hey, at least you can stop worrying about me so much.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowena and Bela gave them a magic satchel that “will put your wee one right to sleep.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Rowena.” Sam said uncertainly, knowing full well that he would not be using magic to put the baby to bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you give me that look now, Samuel, but you just wait. Fergus was a colicky baby and I would have killed for that satchel.” Rowena said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam just nodded while Eileen snorted with laughter beside him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crowley and Gabriel (he was still not over that) gave them a globe that projected images on the wall and played music. “I promise they are all calming images and music. This one wouldn’t let me put in any surprises.” Crowley said, pouting slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean was next. He handed Eileen a giant box that looked like it had been wrapped in an entire roll of wrapping paper. Inside was a huge box of diapers. “It’s diapers.” Dean said. “Kids go through them fast, I think. One time we had this shapeshifter baby and I remember that he went through diapers really quickly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jack was never a baby, so I can’t say how frequently he would have gone through diapers, but it is unlikely your child will suddenly advance to the size of a teenager. The parenting books I read did indicate that this would be a very useful gift.” Cas added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam was grinning at them. “Thanks, guys.” He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, Jack has something too.” Dean said. Sam looked at him questioningly and he just shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack stepped forward. “May I?” He asked, reaching for Eileen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded uncertainly. He touched her belly. Jack smiled and looked at them. “I have given your daughter a blessing. She will have a long and happy life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both stared at Jack in shock. He tilted his head. “Was that not the right thing to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No” Sam cut in, “Thank you. It’s just that we didn’t know she was a girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Doctor didn’t tell you?” Jack asked, confused. Sam thought back. He had told Jack about the ultrasound, but he guess he forgot to mention that they weren’t going to find out the baby’s sex until birth. He supposed they hadn’t talked about that at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jack, it’s fine. It’s great! We were going to make it a surprise, but see, it was one. We didn’t know and now we know. Surprise!” Sam said. Eileen nodded at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Jack. It is comforting to know that our daughter has been blessed by you.” Eileen offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack beamed. “Would you like to know what she will most likely be when she grows up?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Dean jumped in, wrapping an arm around him. “Come on, buddy. Let’s go to the kitchen for a minute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did I do something wrong?” Jack asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, dude. Not at all. Let’s just let someone else have a turn, okay?” Sam heard Dean say as they walked into the kitchen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patience went next. They opened a normal looking swaddle. It looked to be purchased from a regular store. Sam didn’t recognize it from the registry, but it was nice to see something that was less . . . magical? Stabby? “I saw in a vision that you would struggle to find the right swaddle, so I just went to the store and got the one you would ultimately find most effective.” Patience said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very helpful.” Eileen beamed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlie and Stevie got the baby a bunch of nerdy onesies. Sam had to admit that the TARDIS onesie was pretty cool. And Garth and Bess had brought some dental hygiene products including fluoride-free toothpaste. “I am happy to check out her chompers, once they start growing in.” Garth offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amara gave them an envelope full of cash. “I figured you could get whatever you needed for the nursery.” She shrugged. Eileen nodded. “I have some ideas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen had insisted that Jody and Donna better not show up with a present after planning the shower, so the only one left was Alex. Eileen pulled several onesies, the bottles they had picked out and a few teething toys from a bag. “Thank you!” Eileen said enthusiastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just bought you things from your registry.” she shrugged. Everyone stared at Alex blankly. She sighed. “A registry is a wish list the couple makes for a shower.” Crickets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who wants cake?” Sam cut in, changing the subject.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>********************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eileen was walking around with a spring in her step, thanks to the blanket. Sam pulled her aside and signed subtly. “So, those presents.” He raised his eyebrows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eileen laughed. “They were lovely. Look, if you were expecting normal, you probably came to the wrong shower.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed back. “I am just glad you told your book club this was just for family. Can you imagine trying to explain . . . ?” He gestured all around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It really is perfect, though, isn’t it?” She asked, her eyes shining.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It really is.” He said, pulling her into a kiss.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas was a bit tipsy. That was Gabriel’s fault no doubt. He probably goaded Cas into a few shots as usual. Cas leaned against Dean, and warmth spread from Dean’s shoulder through his body. He sighed happily, watching everyone around them. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love every one of these idiots.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Dean thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ever think about doing it too?” Cas growled in his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Having a baby shower?” Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Having another baby.” Cas asked, his face suddenly serious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked into those blue eyes, so earnest. “We are good fathers. I wouldn’t mind having another. Maybe getting a chance to start at the beginning.” Cas said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled and kissed him on the forehead. “I think that this isn’t the time for this discussion." he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a no.” He schooled his features but Dean could see the flash of disappointment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a no.” Dean said quietly. “It’s a maybe. Let’s talk about it later, okay? But it’s definitely not a no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas lit up and he grinned, his eyes shining. “Maybe?” he asked and Dean knew with sudden clarity that it was almost certainly a yes if he could make Cas look that happy again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmmm.” he agreed, and kissed Cas softly. Cas sighed and laid his head on Dean’s shoulder. They watched for a moment. Charlie was telling some story about a LARPing mishap to Garth who was laughing heartily. Eileen was signing with Anna. From here, Dean could just make out the words </span>
  <em>
    <span>Heaven </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>angels. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean noticed Sammy slipping out the front door. “Hey, I am gonna go check on Sammy.” Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is something wrong?” Cas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, I don’t think so. Why don’t you check on Jack and Claire? Last time they had that look in their eyes, we ended up with another cat.” Cas’s eyes widened and he headed over to the siblings to hopefully put an end to any sibling mischief. Dean wasn’t above enjoying the view of his husband in those jeans before he headed outside. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I am a lucky man.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>*****************</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean grabbed two beers and slipped out the front door. Sam was seated on the porch swing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want some company?” Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam smiled at him. “Sure. I just needed to slip away for a minute. It’s . . . a lot. Good a lot, but still a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean snorted. “You got that right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat next to Sam on the porch swing and looked out over the “garden” which was really more of a farm at this point. Their wedding barn, now a functional working barn, stood alongside the field. In the distance he saw his house, lights shining bright waiting for their return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat in comfortable silence for a bit, but it began to grate on Dean. He couldn’t tell if this was a “ask me about my feelings” silence or an “I just want to sit here and not talk” silence. Dean had gotten better at the feelings stuff thanks to a telemedicine therapist (after nagging from Sam and Cas) and time. So he put on his big boy panties and spoke up: “You okay?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam smiled. “Yeah. I am. I think I really am. It just all hit me, you know? All those years, all that loss, but we made it.” He looked inside, eyes crinkling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean followed his gaze. Cas and Eileen were talking now. “They are definitely planning something.” Dean teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we could say no to whatever it is.” Sam countered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But we won’t.” Dean said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam snorted in agreement. “No. We won’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, a girl, huh?” Dean asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apparently.” Sam said, but he sounded happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean put his hand on Sam’s shoulder. “I can’t wait to meet her.” Then he added, “You know, Deanna is a family name. I am just saying. She could do worse than being little Dean, Jr.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam laughed out loud at that. “I will keep that in mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean felt warmth in his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Inside, Charlie had dragged out the karaoke machine. She and Claire were doing a duet of “Bad Reputation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam groaned. “Eileen is being forced to listen to karaoke sober? I am going to owe her so much tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean laughed at that and they fell into silence again. Dean tried to think of something supportive to say. “Are you scared? I mean, after everything we have been through . . . bringing a baby into this world.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit this is coming out wrong. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“I mean to say, you shouldn’t be. We are here for you. You aren’t doing this alone.” he finished weakly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam smiled at him. “I know, Dean. Thank you. Honestly? I think I mostly feel hope. Hope that the future isn’t so bleak. Hope that she will have a . . . " he paused here and looked through the window where Gabriel was hanging off of Crowley while they rocked out to the duet, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>relatively</span>
  </em>
  <span> normal childhood. Certainly a happy one filled with love. And I think . . .” he looked at Dean, “I think I have you to thank for most of it. If I am a good Dad, it’s because of how you raised me.” The last part came out strained as he tried to hold back tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean patted him on the back. “Hey, we made it, right?” Dean thought about hope. Remembered thinking she was a traitorous bitch. Well, maybe sometimes she did deliver after all. She seemed to have pulled through on this one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To hope.” Dean said, holding up his bottle for a toast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To hope.” Sam replied. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that’s it, y’all. I hope you like it. I admit that I was legit terrified to write for this fandom. There are some authors who have written masterpieces for this show. Plus I am a relatively new fan and worried that I would get something wrong. But, I did it and I am glad I did because I had a lot of fun writing this. </p><p>A silly note about the Vegas chapter, I had Dean call Cas "dude." My husband calls me dude (affectionate) all the time. High romance, I know.</p><p>This last chapter was dumb and silly, but I couldn’t get it out of my head and I ended up really enjoying it, from a writer’s perspective. For the record, Donna and Jody would have gone to the registry. Hehe.</p><p>The last section, in particular, was important to me. I wanted to bring it back to the brothers, but in a way that included the life they had built. Their family, their homes, and hope for the future. </p><p>Thanks to all of those who read and left kudos. Thank you especially to those of you who have commented. I really do get so excited about them. </p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Beta readers and feedback are always welcome. Find me on Tumblr under the same name for updates. https://www.tumblr.com/blog/doctorprofessorsong</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>